Fitbit – A Lesson

I got a fitbit for my birthday and I absolutely love it. It’s has been such a helpful tool in my endeavors to live a healthier life (at this point, I might live forever so consider yourself warned). However, the fitbit does not make your cravings and temptations magically disappear – which for me was a huge letdown and I will be writing them a letter about this.

I was at the grocery store yesterday and decided it was a great opportunity to get in a lot of steps so I decided to walk up and down every aisle. This was a mistake because there is an aisle that is nothing but junk food. If fact, there are many aisles that are mostly junk food. So, I learned very quickly that some steps are not worth taking. Particularly steps that lead to all the foods you are trying to avoid in order to live forever.

It was a lesson learned the hard way folks. In this case, the hard way was paved with chips and brownies. Guess how many steps I have to take to undue the damage? A zillion. #themoreyouknow

Here Is A Thought On A Friday

For the record, the fact that both my ears are infected, has had NO IMPACT WHATSOEVER on my ability to totally crush my birthday weekend and own the age of 30 super hard. I am still crushing/owning it. Just with a slightly off kilter equilibrium. Get on my level.

Also, happiest of birthdays to my dearest darling Steph! I can’t wait to see you and celebrate our guts out!


Dear 30,

I turn you today and I just want you to know that I am going to crush it so hard this year. 29 was a bit rocky, like Mt. Everest rocky, but I handled my business and scaled that shiz. What I am trying to make clear 30, is that I am coming at you correct. You are owned by me 30. Owned. By. Me.


I Am Ridiculous

Last night, I changed clothes twice because I wanted to wear the perfect tornado outfit. You know, something comfortable, functional, and cute so that if after the tornado if I was interviewed by a local news station I wouldn’t look terrible but like someone who actually fought the tornado in hand to hand combat and won and was sort of messy looking but still somehow adorable. You know, like in the movies.

So, I am ridiculous.

The only saving grace is that I was actually practically prepared with bottled water, rainboots, and a backpack full of supplies. Tornados are no joke.

In other news, it’s Mama Contrary’s birthday so please send her some happy vibes. She deserves them because she raised and continues to love a kooky kid like me. A kid who said things like “I think I died on the Titanic in a past life”, and “I think I am clarsentient”, and “I feel kinda purple”.

Happy Birthday Mom! I love your guts!

Spielberg Is Coming For Me Again

Watching the trailers for the new Jurassic Park is causing me to doubt that I have truly overcome my fear of dinosaurs. I can only assume that Spielberg heard that I was no longer terrified of dinosaurs and so decided to make them smarter and therefore much more terrifying just to spite me. Well played Spielberg.

You haven’t won yet though Steven, because I AM going to see your new Jurassic Park and I won’t be afraid. Because I am going to get good and liquored up first. So there. I win.

I’m A Wizard Harry!

So, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was kind of disappointing.


IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. Short of going to the actual Hogwarts as a student and being able to do magic.


The rides were so fantastic, the level of detail throughout both parks (Hogsmeade/Hogwarts and Diagon Alley) was amazing and made me giddy, the food was pretty yummy, and the frozen butterbeer was even better. I loved every single second of it. If I had to pick some favorites they would be the following (but really I hearted all of it).
1. The lines for the rides – what??!! This is crazy right? But on rides like The Forbidden Journey the details along the way are so fantastic you can’t help but enjoy your wait.

2. All the rides. I loved them all.

3. Frozen butterbeer. Yummy yummy in my tummy.

4. The Tale of the Three Brothers. Visually very similar to the movie and so entertaining to watch. The actors did a lovely job.

5. All of the shops. I want to buy all the things!

It’s a magical place y’all. A magical place. Go there.

Yes. I AM Going To Drink All the Vodka.

Dear Flight Attendant,
Yes. I just bought vodka on our flight. It is 4pm which is happy hour or at the very least happy hour adjacent. This flight is very turbulent and I am not a good flier. You will kindly STOP judging me and run my credit card so I don’t have a full blown panic attack on this flight. For the record, you are NOT helping keep me calm by pointing out the terrifying black clouds we are about to have to fly through. So, since you aren’t keeping me calm, I am going to need a little help from my friend vodka. Please stop asking “Are you sure?” and “You are going to drink all of this?” I am sure and I am sure as HELL drinking all of this. I would happily decline if you could make this plane stop bouncing. Can you do that? No? Give me the vodka then. Kthanksbye.