We live in a world where I can have a giant glass of red wine while taking a statistics course online. I am drinking in class and it’s ok. It’s better than ok, it’s grand! I am learning math while imbibing fermented grapes. This is real. And I’m pretty sure it makes me better at math. Thank you Internet and winemakers and universities. You are the dream team of my heart.
I think it’s hilarious on Project Runway when the designers freak out over only having one day to complete their looks. Why are they so surprised? Have they never seen the show before? It’s kind of the point to put together great looks in little time. Maybe next time you sign up for a reality show, you should do your research. Also, get off my lawn!
When you are a 30 year old grad student surrounded by a horde of 18 year old undergrads, sometimes things get shouty. Here is a list of things I yelled at 18 year olds on campus this week.
1. Use the crosswalk you anarchists! Do you think cars won’t hit you because you’re being so rebellious and walking in the middle of the street? Motor vehicles don’t respect your devil may care attitude. They will hit you. Hard. Damn!
2. I don’t understand any words you’re saying. Use real words!
3. Don’t you dare compare NSYNC to One Direction. Don’t. You. Dare.
I am officially an old y’all. But, it’s not so bad because I can legally buy booze and don’t have to share a bathroom with 20 other people. So, I have that going for me.
Red wine is good for your heart. This is my favorite fact. And because heart health is of utmost importance, I MUST drink red wine and insist that you all do the same. Because I care about your hearts.
It’s been a busy week so far and I don’t really have anything funny to say but I wanted y’all to know about red wine and heart health. #themoreyouknowaboutwine
Playing Scattergories. The topic was “things you hide”, the letter was “h”.
Captain Thoughtful: Hickeys.
Me: You better not have hickeys.
Captain Thoughtful: YOU better not have herpes.
Me: I don’t!
Captain Thoughtful: Then we are all good here.
Yesterday, in the middle of the afternoon, a groundhog took up residence in my driveway. I don’t know what this means y’all. Does it mean winter is coming? Is the groundhog a Game of Thrones fan? Is it going to be summer forever? Was it some sort of environmental sit-in? Is it a good omen or a bad omen? Should I feed it? Should I call animal control? What does it mean???!
While I was thinking all these things, the groundhog got up and ran across the street. Fare thee well groundhog of indeterminate omens, you are someone else’s source of confusion now.