Wine slushies for everyone! That is all.
I’ve always thought that red velvet cake is really just a platform for cream cheese icing.
I can think of no moment so precarious as the moment both you and a new friend enter the same public restroom and have to pee in stalls right next to each other. This is how you find out who is real friend material.
This week is all thoughts y’all! I added an exclamation mark to that so it sounds more exciting. I think it worked.
On to the thought….
Do people still train to be mimes? Is there a high mime demand? Just a thing I wondered about after watching Sia perform with a mime on SNL. Also, I bet at the SNL after-party no one recognized the mime because he didn’t have his makeup on and then security was like “Hey man. Are you supposed to be here?” and then he was like “Yeah, it’s cool. I’m Sia’s mime.”
Captain Thoughtful: It’s 2 degrees outside. The “real feel” is -21.
Me: Oh no…..
Captain Thoughtful: I’m not going to sugar-coat it, when we walk outside it’s going to be a real slap in the b-hole.
Me: Nicely phrased.
Here is what we know so far…
Name: Dobby Godzilla
Favorite Toy: Socks
Favorite Game: Chase
Biggest Fear: Toilet paper rolls
Cuteness Level: Off the charts
Warning: Do NOT name your puppy Dobby and then listen to “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” on audiobook. You will start crying very very hard at the part you know which and your husband will offer to pull over the car until you can calm down.
Yall, it turns out I have a knack for riding segways. Sure, I was kind of scared to get on it. Sure, I am the only one who fell off, but I think that is because the Segway was trying to challenge me once it realized I was such an accomplished rider. What I’m trying to say is that I think I would be a great mall cop. Outside of the fact that I am now an excellent Segway rider, I have a dislike of hooligans and shoplifters and have always felt I had an untested talent for disrupting and thwarting plots against malls.
In case you can’t tell, I am the one doing Segway jazz hands in the picture. You know how I do.
Thank you for teaching me what a healthy and happy relationships looks like.
Thank you for being such a baller team.
Thank you for respecting each other so much.
Thank you for cherishing each other.
Thank you for still flirting with each other.
Thank you for loving each other so completely and unconditionally.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!
I think that wormholes are created when people say “My New Years resolution is to not make a New Years resolution.” And that someday highly intelligent aliens will be able to travel to Earth through one of those wormholes and attempt to conquer our planet. And when that happens, I think we should find everyone who said that and give them a stern talking to.