So, maybe I follow some celebrities on Twitter. And maybe I think that makes us friends. And, speaking as a dear friend, or you know, potential soul mate, I think it’s my duty to call them out on any ridiculous behavior. Because that’s what friends do. I’m nothing if not a good friend, and if my friends tell you I’m not actually a good friend, they’re probably liars.
Lately, I’ve noticed some of my celebrity friends have been self-indulgently tweeting (I’m not sure if there is a kind of tweeting that isn’t self-indulgent but that’s beside the point). They tweet things like “Hey! Does anyone want to get dinner with me?” and I’m like “Uh. You’re famous. EVERYONE wants to get dinner with you. You’re just tweeting that so a million people will @ you and tell you how much they want to get dinner with you, but you don’t actually have any intention of having dinner with them. You’re kind of a tool-bag.” I mean, seriously? What could be the purpose of tweeting something like that when you’re famous, other than relishing in the thousands and thousands of tweets you get in reply, none of which, you actually respond to. As your friend, I have to call a code a-hole on this one. Because that’s what friends do. Also, it really hurt my feelings when I replied and said I would LOVE to have dinner with you and you didn’t say anything back. That really stung. Luckily for you celebrity twitter friend, I’m very loyal and forgiving so I’ll give you another chance.
Or sometimes, they tweet things like “I need a hug.” and then thousands of people (mostly girls if the celebrity is male and even mildy attractive) reply saying they would be more than happy to hug the celebrity- but trust me girls, they have NO intention of actually hugging you. I found this out after I spotted a celebrity who had tweeted that very thing like 6 months earlier. When I walked up to him and threw myself into his arms, he acted really surprised and then angry and even went so far as to call the police. I mean, what did he expect??! You can’t tweet you want a hug and then not accept the hugs being offered to you. I’ll tell you one thing, that celebrity lost a friend in me that day and not just because the court ordered me to stay at least 500 feet away from him, he lost my friendship well before he took out that restraining order.
I’m just saying, tweeting things like that is basically like asking “Is it just me, or am I awesome?” and then expecting everyone to reply verifying that you are indeed awesome. I mean, you’re already famous, do you really need that much more affirmation? Then answer is no. No, you don’t need daily affirmation of how awesome you are. You’re already famous and rich and have lots of friends and pseudo-friends who will eat dinner with you and give you hugs when you need them. You know who does need daily affirmations? People with low self-esteem. How about you use your celebrity for a good cause and tweet “Hey! Who wants to grab dinner with @LowSelfEsteemer?” and then lots of people will say they do and Low SelfEsteemer won’t have to eat dinner alone and nobody will think you’re a tool-bag anymore. The only self-indulgent tweets I want to see are those that are indulging in other people’s self. Are we clear on that celebrity friends?
Celebrities are so lucky to have me as a friend/potential soul mate.