Because I didn’t. I didn’t know dogs like pumpkin. At least, my dog, Dobby, likes pumpkin.
Check it – Captain Thoughtful and I went to a pumpkin patch to pick our own pumpkins (like bosses) and we picked the two cutest pumpkins in the whole freaking patch. Check the cute:
I’m pretty sure people were jealous of that adorable dark green pumpkin we picked. And, it only cost $1 so it was a hella frugal Halloween purchase. Adorable and affordable. Alas, poor pumpkin! Your cuteness was all too temporary because of an even cuter universal force – Dobby aka the pumpkin destroyer.
Anyway, I didn’t know dogs even liked pumpkins.
For the record, Dobby was fine and didn’t even get a stomachache and also showed no remorse and so is most likely a pumpkin hungry psychopath.
Maybe its weird but I’ve always been really proud of how loud I can snap. Like, I wasn’t a kid with many talents. Mostly I was just known for making everyone really uncomfortable by asking if they had seen any ghosts or knew of any secret passages in the school. But one thing I was always better at than everyone in my class was snapping really loud. It really impressed everyone in the third grade. Surprisingly, it impresses adults less. I’m still proud of it though, other adults are probably just jealous.
On Monday a rabbit stopped right in front of me on the sidewalk. It wasn’t skittish or afraid and it definitely didn’t run away. Instead, it pooped. It stopped right in front of me and pooped.
That seems like a sign to me. Of what, I’m not sure. I asked Captain Thoughtful what he thought the universe was trying to tell me and he said “I think all it means is that when you gotta go, you gotta go.”
Wise words from a handsome man.
Everyone measures distance by Whataburgers right? Like, “Only 6 hours from Lincoln to Whataburger”. That way, you don’t have to choose between using the metric system and English system. Everyone wins and also french fries!
Just remember that my Aunt J calls the TV show “American Ninja Warrior”, “American Ninja Turtle”. And she doesn’t do it as a joke, she just thinks that it what it’s called.
That had me laughing so hard I got the hiccups. And also, as long as people say funny things like that, and you can laugh so hard you get the hiccups, probably everything will be OK.
First of all, I’m so sorry I have been absent for so long. My only excuse is that I have been at a complete humor blank lately. Also, I was at a conference last week so that kept me busy.
I did write one thing that I thought was funny last week but I wasted it on Facebook. Sorry again. If you’re interested, it was this: Some people shyly mingle the first day of a conference. I make a beeline for the bar with a shoe covered in my blood.
I’ll try to be funny again ASAP.
In a battle between a t-rex and a unicorn, who wins?
Captain Thoughtful had this response: “Definitely a unicorn because they are mythical. And if they aren’t really mythical than they are even more dangerous because how have they stayed hidden for so long?”
Also, major props to Captain Thoughtful for not even hesitating in his response when I randomly asked him this over breakfast. That man just gets me.