Me: Have you seen this movie?
Captain Thoughtful: I have…you made me watch it.
Me: Oh. But you still haven’t seen Titanic.
Captain Thoughtful: True. But why do you bring that up?
Me: Just to prove I don’t make you watch every movie that emotionally wrecks me.
Captain Thoughtful: The ship sinks, not sure what else I need to know.
Me: You need to know they could have both fit on that floating door!
Captain Thoughtful: Ok?
Me: I think I made my point.
Checking out at the grocery store….
Cashier: (to Captain Thoughtful) Oh! Do you go to that school?
Captain Thoughtful: No, I’m a professor there.
SIDE NOTE – Can we just shout out that people think Captain Thoughtful still looks young enough to be a student at University? I *was* a student like 3 months ago and people were all “Are you someone’s Mom?”
Cashier: That’s awesome! (Looks at me) Are you a professor too?
Me: No, I’m a therapist.
Cashier: That is so cool! Can you call my brother he really needs help?
Cashier: I’m not joking. He’s messed up. Can you call him?
Me: I can’t do that no, but I can tell you where he could get some help.
Cashier: Ok. Do you two have kids?
Cashier: You should. You two would have the cutest baby ever.
Then Captain Thoughtful and I left the store (after I told her where her brother could get some mental health help)
and even now, 24 hours later, I’m not sure what even happened there. It was like the weird dreams you have when you eat too much cheese before bed. Except it really happened and I didn’t even get to eat cheese.
Q: How much Tex-Mex can a human being consume in 2.5 days in Texas?
A: All of it.
So, that’s what I’ve been up to.
Because I didn’t. I didn’t know dogs like pumpkin. At least, my dog, Dobby, likes pumpkin.
Check it – Captain Thoughtful and I went to a pumpkin patch to pick our own pumpkins (like bosses) and we picked the two cutest pumpkins in the whole freaking patch. Check the cute:
I’m pretty sure people were jealous of that adorable dark green pumpkin we picked. And, it only cost $1 so it was a hella frugal Halloween purchase. Adorable and affordable. Alas, poor pumpkin! Your cuteness was all too temporary because of an even cuter universal force – Dobby aka the pumpkin destroyer.
Anyway, I didn’t know dogs even liked pumpkins.
For the record, Dobby was fine and didn’t even get a stomachache and also showed no remorse and so is most likely a pumpkin hungry psychopath.
Maybe its weird but I’ve always been really proud of how loud I can snap. Like, I wasn’t a kid with many talents. Mostly I was just known for making everyone really uncomfortable by asking if they had seen any ghosts or knew of any secret passages in the school. But one thing I was always better at than everyone in my class was snapping really loud. It really impressed everyone in the third grade. Surprisingly, it impresses adults less. I’m still proud of it though, other adults are probably just jealous.
On Monday a rabbit stopped right in front of me on the sidewalk. It wasn’t skittish or afraid and it definitely didn’t run away. Instead, it pooped. It stopped right in front of me and pooped.
That seems like a sign to me. Of what, I’m not sure. I asked Captain Thoughtful what he thought the universe was trying to tell me and he said “I think all it means is that when you gotta go, you gotta go.”
Wise words from a handsome man.
Everyone measures distance by Whataburgers right? Like, “Only 6 hours from Lincoln to Whataburger”. That way, you don’t have to choose between using the metric system and English system. Everyone wins and also french fries!