I was sitting at my designated table, eating my designated wedding cake, and drinking my designated glass of champagne, while watching all the other guests at the wedding dance to “Let’s Get It On” when I realized something. Something that should have made me sad. I was the only person under the age of 65 sitting at a designated table- everyone else was coupled up and dancing to Marvin Gaye singing about sex. A lightbulb went off over my head (or it could have just been the strobe lighting) and my mind was suddenly illuminated by the reality of the situation. I am a 25 year old spinster. And, I’m ok with that. Like, really ok with that. Odd.
According to society I should be fretting day and night about not being married. I should be doing everything in my power to change myself physically and mentally in order to attract a suitable mate. I should be settling for “nice and safe” instead of waiting for “perfect for me”. I should have a scrapbook filled with every detail imaginable regarding weddings so that when I finally manage to find someone willing to marry me the planning will be a piece of (wedding) cake. Basically, according to society, I should be the opposite of who I am.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a bridal magazine just as much as the next girl. I like relationships and cuddling and I have thought about getting married. I just don’t want marriage to be the center of my universe. I don’t want to, nor do I feel that I am somehow “missing something”. I don’t believe in the “you complete me” mentality. I complete myself- I am whole- with or without a husband. And right now, I just can’t be bothered to desperately search for someone to marry me. I love my life the way it is. I like sleeping diagonally across my bed. I like sometimes eating enough food for 4 people without feeling judged. I like to watch cheesy ridiculous reality television by myself and skip through the most awkward parts. I like being able to schedule dinner with friends whenever I feel like it. I like going to movies by myself. I like to read for hours and hours on end without interruption. These are just a few of the things I like about my life that I might have to adjust for someone else.
Did you know the term “spinster” use to be a distinguishing term of independence for women? In medieval times this term represented women who spun wool to make a living, in fact, this was the only living a woman at that time could make independent of a man. Spinsters could support themselves. Somehow this term has evolved into being, not a term of independence, but rather a term for a women unwilling or unable to marry. Today, a spinster is an old maid. Well I reject that notion. I won’t stand for it, I’m taking back part of the original meaning of that term. I’m a spinster- a girl who can marry anytime she wants but doesn’t need a man to support her- a women who lives independently and is whole unto herself.
Maybe I’ll marry someday. In fact, I probably will get married someday. But you can be sure I will be getting married because I have met someone who enriches my already complete life and whose complete life I enrich. I will be totally and irreversibly in love- and I certainly won’t be settling. And if I don’t meet that man then I will live happily ever after as a spinster. Quite happily indeed.