Weddings Are Hilarious

Actual list of things I have been doing for weeks in order to look pretty on 12/22/12, which is the day after the world ends and also they day Captain Thoughtful and I are getting married. Because we’re optimists. And also, we’re totally prepared for the apocalypse thanks to my knack for preparedness some people have referred to as “insanity”. So, the wedding is on y’all!

1. Drink more than 2 liters of water a day. I have to pee ALL THE TIME.

2. Eat an ounce of walnuts a day. Apparently, they make your skin beautiful because of omega-3 and magic.

3. Daily body moisturizing with argan oil. This is probably just a good life habit but holy shiz y’all, it’s slippery! I’m probably going to slip and fall in the shower and break my leg and have to walk down the aisle in crutches, but hey, my skin is going to look spectacular.

4. Time consuming skincare routine. So many oils, creams, tools, and oh so much time. Worth it though.

5. Drink a cup of hot water with lemon in it every morning and cucumber water throughout the day. Why? I read somewhere that’s what models do. It’s only now, as I’m writing about it, that I realize it might not be true……

Any special way y’all prepared for your wedding?

Jazz Hands Thursday

So, this is a new thing where every Thursday I post a picture of myself doing jazz hands. Which, is like, my signature thing that I do. This picture was taken at my bachelorette party last Friday. My eyes are red because of the flash, not because I’m a bloodthirsty vampire. Or am I? I’m not. Also, I think we can all agree my blue steel face is impeccable. Happy first ever Jazz Hands Thursday!

Jazz Hands Thursday

Weddings Are Hilarious

If you’re going to have a wedding that is actually a really spectacular party where someone just happens to commit themself for eternity to someone else, like Captain Thoughtful and I are, there are a few things that you absolutely must have. The first is a very good DJ or band. The second is delicious food and refreshments. And the third is glow-sticks. Because, nothing says “Let’s party y’all!” Like glow-sticks.”
Bubbles, rose petals, and sparklers are played out. I’m telling you, it’s all about glow-sticks. I know this for a fact, because it was my Mother’s suggestion and that woman is always on point.
Mom: Can we have glow-sticks at your wedding reception.
Me: Obviously. I LOVE glow-sticks.
Mom: They will just put everyone in the right mood.
Me: I totally agree.
Mom: Cool. I’ll order them. But, I’ll order only white glow-sticks so it’s, like, classy.
Me: Well played.
And that’s how it’s done.

Weddings Are Hilarious

My bridal shower was last Saturday and it was all things lovely. It had my three favorite “F” words: family, friends, and food. (Why? What’s your favorite “F” word??) 😉
But, leading up to it, I found myself oddly nervous. What if I didn’t act “bridal” enough? Do I even have a “bridal” personality”?? So much nervousness. Luckily, I was distracted from it by a totally wonderful Captain Thoughtful surprise and I didn’t worry about it at all anymore and had a supremely wonderful time at my bridal shower.
But then, as I was falling asleep last night, I began to worry that I hadn’t, in fact, acted “bridal” enough at my shower and that all my family and friends now think me exceptionally unqualified to be a bride. So, to calm my fears, I did what I always do and which never ever works, I googled it.
It was not reassuring. Here are some “bridal” rules that I totally broke. I think.
Talk to everyone. I definitely said “hello” and “goodbye” to everyone but I’m sure I didn’t manage even a brief conversation with everyone who attended. Strike one GotC.
Show enthusiasm at all times. I was certainly very excited and I definitely smiled and laughed a lot. But, was I “enthusiastic” enough? Probably not. There is a reason I wasn’t a cheerleader. Strike two.
Be calm and collected. Am I ever “collected”? Strike three.
Do you get four strikes in wedding preparations? Or like, 20?
Also, did you know you’re not supposed to use the shower gifts before the wedding?! It’s going to be so hard resisting the urge to use that pie maker at Thanksgiving……..
Seriously though, I have the most AMAZING family and friends in the world! I am one happy happy lady. 🙂

Weddings Are Hilarious

So, this is apparently the point in the wedding planning when YOU PANIC ABOUT EVERYTHING. All of the sudden everything is HAPPENING and you are NOT PREPARED. My wedding dress is on it’s way to Austin right this minute but I don’t have shoes or accessories or even know if it’s going to fit properly because all of the sudden it’s so apparent how much weight I’ve gained even though I’ve lost weight and is this going to be one of those dramatic moments where the dress won’t zip up and then I cry and cry and cry and everyone tells me it’s going to work our but THE WORLD IS ENDING because my dress won’t fit. And also, the world might really be ending a day before I get married and WHY DIDN’T I THINK ABOUT THAT???
And now I’m second guessing decision I previously thought were great and what color shoes should my bridesmaids wear and what should we do for our wedding favors and we need to buy a chalkboard to put in front of the chapel and make a map and whats hsould I get my bridesmaids as gifts and we need to get some professional pictures taken and I have a bridal shower and a bachelorette party and what should I wear to those and why are there so many details and why can’t I keep up with them and what wine tastes best with BBQ and what songs are we going to play in the ceremony and what song do we want to play for our introduction should the father daughter dance be serious or funny and what color should I paint my nails what happens if I get a zit what if I start my period what if no one RSVPs what if EVERYONE RSVPs????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
But no really, wedding planning is totally going well.