Life Tip

I always carry some dark chocolate with me in case of a dementor attack. Or PMS.

And now I’m wondering if PMS is really just a well concealed dementor attack? And it only effects women because dementors are sexist.

Anyway, y’all should definitely always have some dark chocolate handy.

The Sour Milk Debacle

Last Friday night, I accidentally drank sour milk. The hows and whys aren’t important (because they make me look stupid) but it happened and it was awful.

I mean, at first it was just the taste and the idea that I had imbibed sour milk that was upsetting, but after about 2 hours it was the feeling of my guts declaring war on me that was truly horrific.

The next several hours were….. gory. At one point, I was so defeated that I made sure Captain Thoughtful knew what to put on my tombstone.

There Is No Girl on the Contrary – Only Zuul

May 1985- June 2015

She Drank Sour Milk

Please let my unpleasant Friday night serve as a warning to you all – check your milks best by date before you drink it.

Girl Scout Cookies

Regardless of the outcome of an encounter with a girl scout, I am left feeling good and guilty. If I buy cookies, I feel good because I made those little girls so happy and guilty because I am completely giving in to cookie temptation. If I don’t buy cookies, I feel good for resisting delicious sugary carbs and guilty because the looks on the girls faces when I say “No, thank you” makes me feel like I just ripped to shreds their favorite book. There is no winning during girl scout cookie season. Next year, I think I will just stay inside and hide until it’s all over and I can run errands without the emotional roller-coaster.

And now I feel sort of guilty for writing this post, so as a sign of goodwill, I will give all the girl scouts a good tip: If you see me next year and I say “no” to the cookies, maybe cry a little bit because then I will buy ALL your cookies and probably also start a college fund for you.