Everyone measures distance by Whataburgers right? Like, “Only 6 hours from Lincoln to Whataburger”. That way, you don’t have to choose between using the metric system and English system. Everyone wins and also french fries!
I always carry some dark chocolate with me in case of a dementor attack. Or PMS.
And now I’m wondering if PMS is really just a well concealed dementor attack? And it only effects women because dementors are sexist.
Anyway, y’all should definitely always have some dark chocolate handy.
I’m going to New Orleans for Jazz Fest today!!! As soon as we get there my priorities are the following:
1. Shrimp and grits
2. Check in to the hotel
3. Shrimp and grits
5. Wine slushy
7. Hurricane (the drink not the natural disaster)
9. Jazz hands
10. Shrimp and grits
Last Friday night, I accidentally drank sour milk. The hows and whys aren’t important (because they make me look stupid) but it happened and it was awful.
I mean, at first it was just the taste and the idea that I had imbibed sour milk that was upsetting, but after about 2 hours it was the feeling of my guts declaring war on me that was truly horrific.
The next several hours were….. gory. At one point, I was so defeated that I made sure Captain Thoughtful knew what to put on my tombstone.
There Is No Girl on the Contrary – Only Zuul
May 1985- June 2015
She Drank Sour Milk
Please let my unpleasant Friday night serve as a warning to you all – check your milks best by date before you drink it.
Regardless of the outcome of an encounter with a girl scout, I am left feeling good and guilty. If I buy cookies, I feel good because I made those little girls so happy and guilty because I am completely giving in to cookie temptation. If I don’t buy cookies, I feel good for resisting delicious sugary carbs and guilty because the looks on the girls faces when I say “No, thank you” makes me feel like I just ripped to shreds their favorite book. There is no winning during girl scout cookie season. Next year, I think I will just stay inside and hide until it’s all over and I can run errands without the emotional roller-coaster.
And now I feel sort of guilty for writing this post, so as a sign of goodwill, I will give all the girl scouts a good tip: If you see me next year and I say “no” to the cookies, maybe cry a little bit because then I will buy ALL your cookies and probably also start a college fund for you.
My kingdom for a Torchy’s Taco. And queso.
I wish I could think of something more clever to say, but holy hell y’all, delicious tacos and queso is all I can think about. So much so, that a 12 hour drive to Torchy’s seems like a completely reasonable dinner plan.
I’m a bit concerned that I asked all my Twitter followers where I could find a good place for breakfast tacos in Lincoln, NE and no one responded.
There *are* good place for breakfast tacos in Lincoln, right?!!!
Oh my gosh y’all, right??!!!