I had lunch with a friend the other day and we were talking about being single. He informed me there are only two kinds of single people. People that are single for a season and people that are single for a reason.
Immediately, my mind exploded in a frenzy of worry. Is that true?! Because being single for a season implies that you’re single for a short amount of time and let be be honest here, it’s been a long time since I was in a relationship. A long time. Looooooong time. Oh man. I’m totally single for a reason. He was still talking about his theory while I was having this little internal meltdown, but I tuned back in just in time to hear- “If you’ve been single for more than a year, you’re probably broken. You belong on the island of misfit toys, you know?” And then my soul started crying and I couldn’t really hear what he was saying over my soul’s ugly sobbing. And then I was like, is this guy even my friend? Because he definitely knows I’ve been single for more than a year.
Once I was able to calm myself down a bit, I mentioned my concerns about his theory. He was undeterred. He maintained that his theory was correct and then spent the rest of the lunch trying to help me figure out what my “reason” was. When I suggested that my “reason” was just that I hadn’t met anyone I felt strongly about, he basically laughed in my face and then kicked me in the kneecaps and then taunted me in French. (In reality, he just chuckled but it was the most oppressive chuckle I have ever heard). Apparently, that is *not* my reason. Apparently, I’m broken in some way I’m still not very clear on. And things got real confusing when he referenced the island of misfit toys again, because I’ve always LOVED the island of misfit toys- I think it’s one of the best parts of that movie. So I was absolutely baffled as to why I wouldn’t want to be on the island of misfit toys, but he explained to me that when toys are misfits it’s cute but when people are misfits it’s not cute. I’m still a little fuzzy on the details.
I think he was a little offended when I decided I found the whole conversation laughable and loudly proclaimed I wanted to be Queen of the island of misfit toys (although I later found out it’s part of the British commonwealth so they technically already have a Queen). I’m sorry, but I just refuse to reduce my singledom to a rhyme. Basing your feelings regarding your romantic life on a rhyme is just a little too juvenile- I mean, if it was in iambic pentameter ala Senor Shakespeare, I would be more than happy to adopt it as my single-girl philosophy, but as it stands I’m afraid that rhyme alone just won’t cut it. I have standards.
Methinks his theory is complete and utter shite. What say you?