Dear Flight Attendant,
Yes. I just bought vodka on our flight. It is 4pm which is happy hour or at the very least happy hour adjacent. This flight is very turbulent and I am not a good flier. You will kindly STOP judging me and run my credit card so I don’t have a full blown panic attack on this flight. For the record, you are NOT helping keep me calm by pointing out the terrifying black clouds we are about to have to fly through. So, since you aren’t keeping me calm, I am going to need a little help from my friend vodka. Please stop asking “Are you sure?” and “You are going to drink all of this?” I am sure and I am sure as HELL drinking all of this. I would happily decline if you could make this plane stop bouncing. Can you do that? No? Give me the vodka then. Kthanksbye.