Before I had Captain Thoughtful, I used to get asked “Do you have a boyfriend?” a lot. So, I came up with smart ass responses because that’s how I do. I thought my days of annoying questions was over but as the good Captain and I near our second anniversary we are being asked more and more frequently “When are you going to have a baby?”
You asked for it people. Warning: smart assery dead ahead!
– Well, as I understand it, the first step is having lots of unprotected sex. Then, his semen fertilizes my egg. Then, 9 months later a baby shoves it way out of my body in a pretty painful way. So, you see, it’s a multi-step process. These things take time.
– Can one ever “have” a baby? Or does the baby “have” you? Food for thought.
– Damn! I knew I forgot to pick something up at the store.
– I heard those are really expensive – will you be mailing me a check to cover those costs or do you have a literal boat filled with cash you are gifting me? I’m good with either.
– Do I not get issued one when I renew my passport? Is that not how it works? I’m sort of unclear on the specifics.
– We are just planning on adopting a successful 25 year old and calling it a job well done.