There was a giant spider in my bathtub last week. I’ve never been afraid of spiders before but this spider freaked me out. I grabbed the shower head, turned on the water as hot as it would go and drowned that menace as quick as possible. Once it went down the drain, I congratulated myself on keeping a calm head and defeating the monster that would surely have tried to eat me in my sleep. THEN IT CRAWLED OUT OF THE DRAIN BACK FROM THE DEAD.
At this point, convinced I had come across some sort of unkillable spider, I jumped on top of the sink as any reasonable human being would do. Then, I grabbed the shower head again and attempted to re-drown the spider because I had no other weapons at my disposal and I didn’t want to leave the room and take my eyes off the enemy. I mean, this spider was basically the Rasputin of spiders – many attempts on it’s life resulted in it only becoming more agitated and likely to cast some sort of spell on me to take over Russia. However, I kept at the drowning and finally it went back down the drain, at which point, I closed the drain because I learned my lesson the first time. Then, I called Captain Thoughtful and tried to convince him that we needed to move or at least get a hotel room for a week while exterminators dropped spider napalm on our house. We compromised by buying normal (but strong!) spider killer from Home Depot and then going out to dinner.
However, considering Rasputin the spiders ability to come back from the dead, I am still concerned he will return and seek his revenge on me. Any recommendations for preventing that? Because I would really really like to prevent that y’all. Really really. Really.