I Killed The Spider Version of Rasputin

There was a giant spider in my bathtub last week. I’ve never been afraid of spiders before but this spider freaked me out. I grabbed the shower head, turned on the water as hot as it would go and drowned that menace as quick as possible. Once it went down the drain, I congratulated myself on keeping a calm head and defeating the monster that would surely have tried to eat me in my sleep. THEN IT CRAWLED OUT OF THE DRAIN BACK FROM THE DEAD.

At this point, convinced I had come across some sort of unkillable spider, I jumped on top of the sink as any reasonable human being would do. Then, I grabbed the shower head again and attempted to re-drown the spider because I had no other weapons at my disposal and I didn’t want to leave the room and take my eyes off the enemy. I mean, this spider was basically the Rasputin of spiders – many attempts on it’s life resulted in it only becoming more agitated and likely to cast some sort of spell on me to take over Russia. However, I kept at the drowning and finally it went back down the drain, at which point, I closed the drain because I learned my lesson the first time. Then, I called Captain Thoughtful and tried to convince him that we needed to move or at least get a hotel room for a week while exterminators dropped spider napalm on our house. We compromised by buying normal (but strong!) spider killer from Home Depot and then going out to dinner.

However, considering Rasputin the spiders ability to come back from the dead, I am still concerned he will return and seek his revenge on me. Any recommendations for preventing that? Because I would really really like to prevent that y’all. Really really. Really.

67 thoughts on “I Killed The Spider Version of Rasputin

  1. My friend M., a certified arachnaphobe, uses what he calls the arachnavac. Being sucked into a vacuum strikes me as a hell of a way to die, so I tend to (a) carry them out on a duster when I can or (b) smash the little bastards (hand; tissue; whatever you can bring yourself to use) when I can’t. It’s fast, at least.

  2. Once, I tried to kill a huge spider overlord and it would NOT die. In the end, I put a brick AND a book and a plant on top of it and left it that way. For two days. @@.

  3. Spiders in the shower are the absolute worst. It’s like, you see them one minute and the next, they’re gone. Bringing a whole to meaning to “naked and afraid.”

  4. I have no advice on spiders right now, but I had to thank you for your post. I’ve been going through a sad time in my life and your post brought a smile to my face. Thank you. I can always count on GotC to brighten my days.

  5. Capture him in a glass jar and take him for a drive away from your house and let him go :). I’m the spider catcher in our house and usually just let them crawl onto the broom head then I open the door and shake the broom till they fall off and run away. If your spider phobic I do feel your pain as my husband Jason (Chucky) is severely phobic too.

    1. I never considered myself phobic until this experience, but I’m starting to think I am. Had Captain Thoughtful been home, I might have suggested he catch and release it as he’s not scared at all, but he wasn’t and I had to take a shower and I panicked.

  6. It’s possible that the spider is an offspring of Aragog’s—maybe a Rasputin cross Aragog. Rasgog? Gee, I would be nervous at night if I were you…..

  7. Steve says:

    I suggest you read “The Sider and the Flea” by Grimm. From a female’s point of view, ask yourself, is it a fairytale or an warning? 🙂

  8. You could gently grab it with a paper towel and release it into the great outdoors. It won’t come after you ever again. It will thank you and the good karma will keep other creepy critters away as well! 🙂

  9. It crawled back up?! What the?! That, right there, is like my worst nightmare. Ugh… I feel all creepy crawly just thinking about it. Normally, I douse them with some sort of household cleaner (scrubbing bubbles, windex, industrial strength ammonia…) and THEN rinse them down. Sort of like extra insurance so they don’t crawl back up.

  10. I once tried to kill a scorpion the same way. I found it in the kitchen sink and scalded it to death. Because I was preparing to leave the house and I don’t touch things like scorpions, I asked my husband to please dispose of it. When I returned several hours later, it was not in the sink, so I thanked my husband for taking care of it. He got defensive and said, “Hey, look! I forgot! You don’t have to complain at me.” That was quite a chilling moment to realize the scorpion was… somewhere… in the house… alive. My husband then chastised me for thinking that hot water would kill something that has an exoskeleton.

    1. Sounds to me like your husband is shifting the blame on you. Perhaps he and the scorpion are working together? You can never be sure. And for the record, boiling water totally kills lobsters and they have exoskeletons too.

      1. True, true… but I kinda doubt I was able to get the water from the faucet quite to the boiling point. If my husband and the scorpion were in cahoots, I think the relationship soured a short time later when he (my husband – not the scorpion) felt something crawling around in his pants. He pulled them down and asked me to investigate. I totally got him back (unintentionally, of course) when I leaped back and screamed “You have a scorpion in your pants!” That resulted in him hopping around yelling to get it out get it out as it stung him. So, yeah, I don’t think they are friends anymore. Miraculously, we are still married all these years later.

  11. There is an infestation of false widow spiders in Ireland at the moment! They are roughly the size of my hand and we have had three in our house. The first two we drowned in bleach just ridiculous amounts of bleach the third we trapped in a glass bowl, wrapped in tinfoil and made a short space movie to prove to people these monstrosities are real! They are the spawn of pure evil I cannot believe you survived that horrible encounter well done

      1. Oh gosh yes I think abandoning ship and giving my home as an tribute to the spider kingdom is the least of what I plan to do…I also have been roaming the streets informing people the apocalypse is arriving heralded by these monstrosities

  12. I was changing my sheets the other week and saw a spider crawl out from somewhere inside the top sheet. So I squealed and started jumping around, shaking my head from side to side because I was convinced that the spider had laid eggs in my ear overnight. So far, no baby spiders have burst forth from my eardrum. I’ll take that as a win!

  13. Spray your house with Demon. Seriously. I work at a feed store and we sell it for 10.99, there are 4 packets in each bag and you mix 2 packs per gallon of water. You can spray inside and outside the house, keep kids and pets away from it until dry. It kills ants, roaches, spiders, fleas, ticks, centipedes, scorpions, chiggers and any other creepy crawly. It will even kill Rasputin. 🙂

  14. Did you seriously think ‘The Itsy Bitsy Spider’ was just a children’s rhyme? It was actually a dire warning of things to come. And that was only an ‘itsy bitsy’ spider. Sounds like you’ve got some sort of mega beast that’s plotting to sit on your face while you sleep and slowly suffocate you by prodding his 8 hairy limbs down your throat. I’m sorry. You have to burn your house down. I wish you well.

    1. You’re absolutely right. Burning my house down is the only way…. but for insurance purposes – I’m NOT going to burn my house down. If it burns down on accident, I had NOTHING to do with it.

  15. No, no, no. They almost never drown (though if you’re lucky they’ll wash out to sea… Wait, you are pretty far from the sea there).

    Here’s what you do:
    You use the hot water to knock the spider off it’s wily feet, and then you dispatch it with whatever is handy (bottle of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, sea salt scrub, insert miscellaneous shower accoutrements of your choice – preferably one that allows your hand to stay far from the offender). THEN let the writhing corpse go down the drain.

    BTW, I read your blog, and then there was a spider in my shower. Coincidence? I think not…

    1. They don’t drown? Man. I handled this completely wrong, although I did put about a gallon of drain-o down the drain afterwards so hopefully that took care of it. Also, I am so sorry that I totally jinxed your shower with this post and I hope you’ll forgive me.

  16. Sleep with one eye open. You can never trust that a spider is really dead. Sometimes they shrivel up and you throw it in the trash, careful to keep it right on top so you can brag to your husband that you defeated the spider all on your own. Then, when you go to show evidence of your triumphant victory, you discover that the body is gone.

  17. I’m also not normally afraid of spiders. But I don’t care how big the spider is, or if its dead or alive, spiders do not belong in your shower. Ever. There was a huge dead spider in my shower the other day- curled up but still the size of a dime. If he had crawled back up from the drain I would have peed myself.

  18. Sounds a scary experience. My mum always used to say “Kill a spider and you kill a friend.” but then she wasn’t brought up in Australia where most spiders are deadly. 🙂

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