I Don’t Want To Indirectly Enable Serial Killers

Captain Thoughtful and I always see one of our neighbors grilling on his driveway and he always waves hello to us and in general seems like a totally nice fellow. And then I ruined it.

Captain Thoughtful: There is our buddy out grilling again. He’s so friendly!

Me: He is. 

Long Pause

Me: But, what if he isn’t? 

Captain Thoughtful: Um?

Me: We don’t really know anything about him except that he always waves and grills out almost every night. 

Captain Thoughtful: Yes….

Me: What if he’s like, grilling *people* meat or something? He could be a cannibalistic serial killer and we’re just passing by thinking what a nice guy he probably is. 

Captain Thoughtful: I suppose. 

Me: And like, we are *enabling* him by waving. If he is killing and grilling people then we are partly to blame because we totally encourage him with our friendly waves.

Captain Thoughtful: I don’t think that would hold up in court darlin. 

Me: I’m just saying. 

 

26 thoughts on “I Don’t Want To Indirectly Enable Serial Killers

  1. ndmims says:

    This is hilarious lol I am always thinking things like this and my friends think that I’m a weirdo because of it. I think it has to do with to many lifetime movies a crime tv.

  2. Yeah, Or, what if he gets home every night and asks his wife what’s for dinner. When she says she doesn’t have anything ready, what if he beats her senseless then goes out to grill something? What if you are enabling an abuser?

    Isn’t it good he world isn’t QUITE as bad as we can imagine it to be?

  3. Steve says:

    Here are a few questions that may help y’all decide:
    When your neighbor waves, does he wave with the spatula in his hand, or does he put in down and pick up his cleaving knife to wave with?
    Is his name Farmer Vincent Smith, and he runs the Motel Hello; but the neon ‘O’ flickers?
    Can you hear him singing to himself “It takes all kind of critters to make Farmer Vincent fritters.”
    Do tow trucks seem to always tow away the vehicles his company arrives in?

  4. Giles: “Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Quite clearly, we’re looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.
    Oz: Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.” -BTVS

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