Do Football Players Sign A Nut Busting Consent Form?

I have recently been made aware that when football players are all in a massive pile on the ground fighting for the football they are GRABBING AND PULLING AT EACH OTHER’S JUNK. Apparently, they think this will make the player holding the ball drop it.

First of all, hahaha so many jokes about ball and balls.

Second of all, NOT OK FELLAS. Did your parents not teach you about “bad touching”? I feel like it should be obvious that human beings should not grab and pull at other human beings genitalia in an effort to hurt them, but apparently it isn’t. So, consider this an official statement from a human being – hey guys, don’t do that. Just…..don’t. Poke an eye or punch a kidney or something, but don’t sexually assault one another, just plain old assault one another.

When I made it clear I felt this way, I was told “it’s just part of the game” and since I’m not a football player (totally true) I “can’t say anything”. BUT I am unwilling to believe that all football players are cool with this, I mean, they keep their baby seeds in those balls, so this is not a matter to be taken lightly. I propose some sort of consent form. Something along the lines of “I football player am totally cool with the fact that my junk might get pulled, twisted, and smashed during the course of this game. I fully acknowledge that this may require me to get a testicular implant if a nut is busted. I’m cool with it.” That way, at least all these guys are giving their consent.

I would just feel better about it if there was some sort of consent given. Probably.

Actually, I’ve never read a football player’s contract so there very well might be a junk smashing or nut busting clause in there. If so, then just ignore the girl who wrote a post about this on her blog. She doesn’t play football so she doesn’t get it.

24 thoughts on “Do Football Players Sign A Nut Busting Consent Form?

  1. rosecolouredmind says:

    “Poke an eye or punch a kidney, but don’t sexually assault one another, just don’t plain old assault eachother.” That bit made me laugh pretty hard.
    Also, you can “say” whatever you want I think.
    Great post πŸ™‚

  2. This was excellent! Their ‘baby seeds’ indeed, but when you think about how many of them splash their ‘baby seeds’ about randomly perhaps a bit of random grabbing, twisting and otherwise mauling might be good.

  3. I tell you, you women’s libbers! First, you want the right to vote. Now you want to restrict men from grabbing each other’s crotches. What’s next? Banning war? Lord, almighty!

  4. Well, they wear cups to protect their junk from knees and shoulders but I suppose it would protect from hands as well. I don’t see how a player could get a hold of someone’s balls on the field. I will watch football differently now, watching for ball grabbing.

    I wonder now if the doubled over player that we can’t figure out quite what happened to him during the tackle was nut grazed. He usually stands up and walks off the field after a couple of minutes of recovery. hmmm curious.

    1. Apparently, there is a way. Also, cups don’t protect as much as you would think, I knew about this kid whos cup cracked and it pinched the skin on his….you know….so cups aren’t exactly a reliable means of protection.

      Also, yes, I have seen that look on players faces as well, now we know why.

  5. Hilarious! I didn’t know that either. They really should knock that off. I don’t see how in the world that’s not a personal foul. Wait that’s basketball. Whatever. No nut touching. Period.

  6. lol…I just spit cheerios all over my kitchen table. And it was so worth the laugh I don’t even mind cleaning up the mess… nut busting consent form….bahhahhaha

  7. I think you need to make some signs and post them around the stadiums. Maybe something like: “This is a plain assault only zone” or “Just say no to bad touch”?

  8. “β€œHe was a blessing to all the juvenile part of the neighbourhood, for in summer he was for ever forming parties to eat cold ham and chicken out of doors, and in winter his private balls were numerous enough for any young lady who was not suffering under the insatiable appetite of fifteen.” -Jane Austen,

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