That Time When I Was 9 And Thought I Was A Witch

When I was 9 something really terrible happened. I conjured a tornado accidentally.

Sort of.

I mean, I thought that I had accidentally conjured a tornado. I’m pretty sure now that I didn’t. Like 87% sure. Probably wasn’t my fault there was a tornado. Probably.

Here are the facts.

1. I made up a rhyme about the wind taking my sister away (Sorry sister! Would you classify this as better or worse than the time I tricked you into eating cat food? Which, in my defense was actually labeled “tuna”, but yeah, I knew it wasn’t like the tuna people should eat so….sorry about that too.)

2. There was a tornado that very night.

I mean, c’mon. The obvious conclusion a 9 year old little girl could come to was that she was a witch. And boy did I feel guilty. Like really really guilty. How could I have known I had the power to control nature? Was my power a gift or a curse? Could I get the wind to bring Β Jonathan Taylor Thomas to my birthday party? So many important questions weighing on my child-mind. So. Many. Questions.

And then, like a week or two later we learned about tornados in science class at school and I became pretty sure that there was actually a scientific explanation for the tornado and the rhyme I made up had just been a poorly timed coincidence. I mean, I Β was sure enough to not feel guilty anymore, but not sure enough that I completely rid myself of the notion that I might have magical powers so I’m very careful about my rhyming these days.

47 thoughts on “That Time When I Was 9 And Thought I Was A Witch

  1. Heh heh! It’s funny and uncanny at the same time. I had a similar experience too. I wrote a poem about how winter hols are too short and they were extended for a week. But I didn’t feel like a witch, maybe coz I didn’t feel guilty! πŸ˜‰

  2. ah the power of suggestion…sometimes I think the universe and/or mother nature just needs a little push like someone wishing something for them to act.

  3. mumblesmcjenkins says:

    I still feel responsible for the death of Mitch Hedberg. I had just started listening to him and said to a friend, “I really like this comedian, so I’m sure he’ll be dead in a month. Since the universe hates me and all…”

    And then he died. Within a month of my saying that.

      1. mumblesmcjenkins says:

        It is weird, though, when disasters are so coincidental. From that day forward I definitely made it a point to never jinx a celebrity again, or wish them dead as in “Ugh, that Nickleback song is terrible…I wish Chad Kroeger would die.” Even if I don’t like Nickleback, I don’t actually want them to die.

        My favorite story I’ve heard about the coincidental death thing was about the death of Buddy Holly. Merle Haggard was on tour with him when he died, and the heat went out on the bus (or there hadn’t been heat at all to begin with) and it was a particularly cold, snowy night. They managed to charter a private plane, but there were only enough seats for a few people (Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper). When Buddy Holly left the bus to board the plane he yelled back to Haggard (his protege) “Have fun freezing your ass of on that bus.” To which Haggard yelled back, “Well, I hope your damn plane crashes.”
        To this day, Merle Haggard still regrets saying that.

      2. Oh! I forgot that Merle Haggard story – so sad. I honestly can’t imagine the guilt, even though you knew logically it wasn’t your fault. I don’t like these type of coincidences.

  4. Dana says:

    Upon the first flower, tall
    Let me win the Powerball.
    Let me drink much and snack lot
    Let me win the Powerball Jackpot!

  5. At 9 I thought I was a swan hiding in a human body, and I was supposed to break into random ballet numbers. The only problem….I can’t dance to save my life. I like the idea of being a witch more than swans.

  6. One day my cousins and I were bored, so we mad up like a fantasy world. We were all witches with really cool names. Well were fighting off this evil presence like in the movie Twitches. Well we were shooting electric balls (out of wooden sticks) at the power line. We threw like two before my name came out and told us the power went out. We were literally freaking out. We thought that we did it. The power company said that there was too much electricity going through at once so the transformer blew. Odd coincidences…

  7. Nice post.. Yeah i used to think i have some sort of supernatural power myself when i was young.. I like your style of writing.. Happy Blogging πŸ˜‰

  8. When I was young, I did this kind of thing all the time. I would wish for all these disasters and crazy things to happen and in my mind I really thought I had the power to make it happen. When I was like seven or eight I wished for a baby…and spent the next year terrified I would actually get one. This was long before I knew how babies were made, obviously.

  9. “What makes you think she is a witch?
    “Oh, she turned me into a newt!
    “A newt?”
    “Well…I got better.”
    -Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

      1. There were a few appropriate Buffy quotes, but then I remembered Monty Python, and I just had to go there. Such a great movie.

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