The Bacon Fights Back.

I am quite fond of eating bacon. I apologize for any scandal that causes my vegetarian readers, and also, I would like to warn them to really really never eat bacon because I used to be a vegetarian too but then I tried bacon again and it was so delicious that now I eat all the meats. Bacon is a gateway meat. Beware.

Also, if it makes anyone feel better about the pigs who gave their lives for my eating pleasure, I made bacon on Monday night and it fought back. It fought back hard. Β Like, I have battle wounds. Or rather, battle burns, because as I was frying up some bacon, the grease began to shoot out towards my arm like heat sensing missiles, and I now have burn dots and streaks across my right arm where the grease clearly found it’s target.

It was quite a nice victory for the bacon. Β Nice but short-lived because it only stopped me from cooking for about 20 minutes while I tended to my burned flesh with ice. And also, just for the record bacon, you burned my right arm which isn’t even the one I use the most because I’m left handed and basically my right arm serves only as a symmetrically pleasing accessory. But, if it makes you feel better, I will definitely scar from the burns you gave me and those scars will serve as a reminder to think twice before cooking bacon. I mean, I’ll probably still cook it, but I WILL think twice.


72 thoughts on “The Bacon Fights Back.

  1. Eat yo’ bacon, girl! Unabashedly! You earned that bacon with those battle wounds/bacon burns. It may fight, but just remember that it is dead, and you are alive. You will always win. Winning = eating

  2. Steve says:

    Or the scars will always remind you to have (fill in name) place bacon on the sandwich you are ordering.

  3. Bacon is delicious. The burns might have been worth it. πŸ˜›

    Also, “my right arm serves only as a symmetrically pleasing accessory” made me laugh, and it is true for me too, except my left arm is the useless one.

    And, bacon. Bacon on my salad for lunch.

  4. Sorry to hear about your battle wounds, but consider this – you are now a veteran and deserve some kind of medal for being wounded in action. Talk to Captain Thoughtful about something tasteful and appropriate, possibly something that glitters?

  5. β€œNow I know what a piece of bacon feels like when it is suddenly picked out of the pan on a fork and put back on the shelf!”
    “No you don’t!” he heard Dori answering, “because the bacon knows that it will get back in the pan sooner or later; and it is to be hoped we shan’t. Also eagles aren’t forks!”
    ” -The Hobbit.

  6. Spastic Sausage says:

    Cooking your bacon in the oven helps keep battle related injuries to a minimum. It also cuts down on the grease related house work. Not that I am an enabler but for those who are worried about the wonderful magical animals that produce this delicacy, they do get a stay of execution during the warmer months. I love bacon but not enough to overheat my home for it. Just remember : β™« You don’t with friends with salad! You don’t with friends with salad! You don’t with friends with salad! β™« πŸ˜›

  7. Ouch! We are bacon maniacs here too! But, we NEVER fry it anymore!!! I hope you have a Trader Joe’s near you because their bacon rocks. “Trader Joe’s Fully Cooked Uncured Bacon – Apple Smoked”. It’s already pre-cooked, it has no nitrates and uncured, you just pop it in the microwave for 1 minute or less and voila!!! No oils, no burns, just perfect, crispy delicious nitrate free PIG!!! If you can’t find that one, you can microwave ANY bacon on a paper plate with paper towels to catch the grease. Bacon, bacon, bacon! πŸ™‚

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