I’m Using Alcohol Math To Cure My Fear Of Flying.

I’m back from Ohio and it was a blast! If you think Ohio can’t be fun, then you’ve clearly never been to Grandpa’s Cheese Barn. Also, Fatheads Brewery in Cleveland had the best hefe-weizen I’ve ever had. Go there, drink, and be merry. Also, eat the Codfather sandwich because YUM.

The brewery actually flows seamlessly into the point of this post, which is alcohol math. As you all know, I’m a timid flyer. And by “timid” I mean even stepping on an airplane causes my heart to pound, breath to quicken, stomach to knot, and palms to sweat. Actually flying in an airplane causes horrific scenes of death to play like a movie in my head on top of all those other anxiety symptoms. Basically, I panic the hell out. BUT with the help of math and alcohol I’ve found a way to handle the panic. My equations go something like this…

1 gin&tonic = 1 hour of panic free flying

2 gin&tonics = 1 hour of turbulent panic free flying

3 gin&tonics = 3 hours of panic free flying

4 gin&tonics = I won’t care if we crash because GIN.

Thank you math. And gin. I think I’m well on my way to conquering my fear of flying. Or, you know, dealing with it like a grown-up. Gin & Tonic is a very grown up drink after all.

28 thoughts on “I’m Using Alcohol Math To Cure My Fear Of Flying.

  1. Tyler J. Yoder says:

    Absolutely! It has a touch of class, and still does its job, because it’s responsible. Gin and I used to be very close, but we had a falling out, because when Gin and I get together, we’re mean.

  2. I am so pleased you made it to Fathead’s. It’s a Pittsburgh staple when I go home, and although I’ve never been to the Cleveland location, I imagined it would be much the same. The other item on the menu that I failed to mention are the pierogies/pirohis. I hope you were at least tempted by their availability.

  3. “Buffy: I told one lie, I had one drink.
    Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words “let that be a lesson” are a tad redundant at this juncture.”

    1. Depends. If I know it’s a small plane or we’ll be flying in inclement weather, I have one before. If it has all appearances of being a smooth flight and then suddenly gets a bit “bouncy” when we’re up in the air, I’ll get one then.

  4. I prefer whiskey and dry but yes – alcohol and flying are essential. I once flew with Royal Brunei who are a dry airline and it was almost like blasphemy

  5. Haha I’m glad someone else shares my alcohol maths theory! I recently undertook an 11 hour flight to South Africa, with some nasty turbulence. But with several mini bottles of wine and a G&T, suddenly it didn’t matter so much that – in my mind – we would be imminently plunging to our deaths.

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