Girl On The Contrary- On A Diet

Well friends, I’m a spectacular failure at being on a diet. (See how I put a positive word next to a negative one there? It was some trickery. Also, made me feel slightly better about the failure bit.)

Here is what my brain trying to convince itself to eat better/less sounds like…

Brain: I’m going to eat a salad for lunch with lots of yummy veggies! Yay! 

Gollum Brain: Salads? Yes, salads are good but what it wants is the precious Tex-Mex. Enchiladases and chipses and salsases. 

Brain: No! To lose the weight I need to eat better food.

Gollum Brain: Shut up! Shut up! Where would we be without the most deliciouses precious? BBQ is what’s needed for the hungries. 

Brain: Apples!

Gollum Brain: Donuts!

Brain: Mango!

Gollum Brain: Actually, mangos are yummers. Eat those. AND THEN EAT CAKE. 

Brain: No! We won’t do it! We won’t. 

Gollum Brain: Oh yes we wills unless we want to get hangry (side note- that’s when you’re so hungry that you’re angry). 

Brain: No! Not hangry. We have to be nice at work. 

Gollum Brain: Then eat the french fries precious and be nice. 

Yeah. That’s a real thing.


46 thoughts on “Girl On The Contrary- On A Diet

  1. Very funny. I definitely get hangry (and so does my eldest son – it’ll make him laugh that description). Diets are illegal as far as I’m concerned. Just go running 🙂

  2. kamccarthy1 says:

    I loved this, I actually laughed out loud! Going through a similar dilemma at the moment (and always!), today I am compromising with sweet potato wedges 😛
    and maybe some dips…

  3. Lol. Hilarious…but so TRUE. I’m in the middle of a 21 day purification of ONLY fruits, veggies and very small amounts of clean mean. All I friggin want is a cupcake and a ginormous cup of coffee!!!! Lord help me…

      1. I’m finally finished! Yea! Besides the cravings, I felt great. I had more energy, no bloating or gross feelings after eating…I also lost 12 pounds! Which I’m pretty happy about seeing as bikini season is just around the corner! Since then, I’ve stuck to mostly clean eating and I’m still loosing a bit and just feel GOOD. I think cutting out the starches and carbs made the biggest difference, honestly.

  4. My dear, your hungries must be related to mine! I’ve recently started eating ‘gooder’ (yesterday actually), but today I had a piece of birthday cake. Then tonight I had a nice healthy bowl of whole wheat pasta. With sauce. And Mozzerella cheese. And they hungries demand more!! Sigh. Chin up and Fork down! 🙂

  5. LOL the geekiness of this conversation is beautiful. There are ways to have what your inner Gollum wants without completely blowing out your diet. If you want tex-mex salsa stuff, make a healthy Mexican salad with black beans and salsa (salsa is usually quite healthy). Also you can push the healthy salad for lunch with promising to have a healthy version of enchiladas for dinner – I have a recipe that is diabetic friendly if you want it. =P BBQ is ok if you aren’t eating it on or with bread and have a small portion with maybe a salad – not cole slaw or potato salad! Mayo = NO. Donuts = NO. Cake = NO .. just have to willpower through those. lol French fries are easy, make sweet potato fries at home in the oven, not fried.

  6. So true. I eat when I have nothing else to do as well. It’s all most irksome. And with exams right now I have monster cravings for comfort food because, of course, being fat will calm me right down. ¬¬

  7. Oh, so many years spent being gloriously “hangry”… What’s fun is when people start reminding you you’re in your 30s now, and it’s just downhill from here, metabolism-wise. I already had the metabolism of a 90-year-old recluse, so I’m not really sure where I go from here. I probably die, which means I should eat all the pizza I can get my hands on now.


  8. ” What we need is a few good taters”.
    “What’s “taters”, precious? What’s “taters”, eh?”
    “Po-ta-toes? Boil em, mash em, stick ’em in a stew. Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish. Even you couldn’t say no to that.”
    “Oh yes, we could! Spoiling nice fish! Give it to us raw, and wriggling! You keep nasty chips!”
    “You’re hopeless.”
    -The Two Towers movie.

  9. First of all, this made me laugh out loud. It’s so true! Secondly, I think your Gollum Brain is onto something: I mean, a) mangoes are the bomb diggity, and b) BBQ and Tex Mex are among the greatest creations in the world.

    My husband is from San Antonio (the poor guy is one spectacularly homesick Texan), and he got me hooked on both BBQ and Tex Mex. Since there’s no good place to get either one in DC, though, whenever we visit Texas we basically go on a sustained food binge. So, all that is to say that I’m a big supporter of Gollum Brain’s suggestions. (I know, I know, I’m totally enabling here — but hey, a girl’s gotta call it like her taste buds see it.) 🙂

  10. I hate the hangries. Totally avoid those.
    Put salsa on your salad. It’s usually lower in calories than salad dressing, and all that spicy goodness makes the salad much less blah.

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