Dating Tips. Very Bad Dating Tips.

Now that I’m married, it’s become clear to me that I have priceless dating tips to offer. All of my single friends ask me what my secret was to landing my perfect man. And this is hilarious to me, because the truth is, had we not had a mutual friend in common and had I not had some liquid courage in me at the time, I probably would have run for the nearest closet to hide in when I met Captain Thoughtful. Because that’s how I rolled. I was not a good dater. I was a flirtation failure. Basically, all the things I’m getting credit for now, I was really really bad at. But, what the hell, you want my dating tips? Sure. I’ll give ’em to you.

1. Never repeat name date. I think dating someone with the same name of someone else you previously dated is bad luck.

2. Don’t ever let the person you’re dating see you cry when watching Titanic or Armageddon.

3. Only ever order 1 taco at dinner.

4. Don’t use emoticons when texting.

5.  Don’t tell them about the crazy people in your family on the first date.


Hand to heaven, these were real dating tips I lived by pre-Captain Thoughtful. And I broke most of them while dating him (except rule number 2, that’s a thing I don’t like to subject anyone to). So maybe, takes these and then do the opposite of them and things will work out splendidly! Or, you know, real talk, liquid courage worked out pretty well for us.



27 thoughts on “Dating Tips. Very Bad Dating Tips.

  1. I don’t really know about the tacos part. On my first date, we ordered quite a few tacos and ended up sharing the last one in his car. That was one of my best dates ever.

  2. That’s hilarious.. but, seriously, we like girls to eat. What you don’t realize is that when you don’t eat, it makes us not really want to eat either, or awkward in doing so. No one likes being stared at while they’re scarfing down a steak! Really on behalf of men everywhere, its cool, really. eat.

  3. Mariette says:

    Haha I have most definitely broken all of the rules here. I don’t think there are any rules when you stumble upon ‘the guy’ who’s lucky enough to get to sleep next to you for the rest of your forevers, but you never believe that until it happens & proves all the horrible dating rules wrong.

  4. Oh man, I feel the same way. I find that I do best when I do the opposite of what I would usually do. And it’s nice to meet a fellow flirtation failure who is now happily married. Maybe there is some hope for me as well 🙂 (Wait, is it ok to use emoticons in non-flirtatious conversation?)

  5. I swear by rule number 1. I have been spurned by three women named Christine and two women named Kimberly. Plus, women have dumped me three times for guys named Patrick. That might be a further corollary to the rule, or one of the consequences of breaking it.

    1. Obviously, these women are crazy. But, I bet you won’t ever repeat name date again so I guess there was some sort of cosmic lesson here. Also, it totally supports my dating rules, which is nice.

  6. I can certainly back you up on rule #1. It’s always a terrible idea to date two people with the same name. I made the mistake of dating two guys named Anthony, one right after the other. Both relationships were several years long, and I do mean long…and awful. And I knew the second one would be, but I did it anyway (a wretched youthful choice). It’s like double dipping…never a good idea and someone (the gods of love) is always going to call you on it!

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