I Already Have My Nobel Peace Prize Speech Written.

Last Saturday, I found the cure for baby fever.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

The cure for baby fever is going to Ikea on a Saturday. No matter how much you want children when you walk in, you will walk out thanking all of the major deities and many of the minor ones that right at that particular moment, you don’t have children.

I can’t wait to win some major scientific awards for this! Is this a thing they give Nobel Prizes for? Because I may already have my acceptance speech written…


In your face scientific community! That’s what you get for not recognizing the post I wrote about poisonous mutant spiders. Now you all look silly and I look like a genius. Which I am. Because I found a cure for baby fever. At Ikea, which is like the worst place for important scientific thinking ever and yet I still made this discovery. Like a boss. A boss of science.

You’re welcome world.

30 thoughts on “I Already Have My Nobel Peace Prize Speech Written.

  1. House. Season 8. The episode where House tells a melancholy, childless Wilson he has an 11 year old son, and then hires an actor to portray him. It takes Wilson less than 48 hours to realize he was nuts.

    Said the woman with three kids. Also nuts.

  2. I’m not sure they award a Nobel Prize for “best blog idea”. But, hey, if Al Gore can win for inventing the Internet, it should be just around the corner.

  3. Fulton says:

    Oh my lord..I feel the same way. I think my ovaries up and died when I saw the Sunday matinee of the Nutcracker with 100 little girls under the age of 5. PS…what mother hops their kids up on skittles and coke and then tells them to be still for an hour.

  4. “A boss of science” could totally be your new blog tagline.

    But this might be more of a matter of religion. Pretty sure Ikea is the source of profound insights for many (and we won’t even get into how often their furniture assembly inspires impassioned utternances of the Lord’s name).

    Join The Church of Ikea: We have Swedish meatballs.

  5. “Anya: Crap! Look at this. I’m burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage…
    Xander: That means you’re winning.
    Anya: Really?
    Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
    Anya: Oh! I’m so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?”

  6. #WINNING. Seriously. I have baby fever like woah, so clearly I need to make a trip to Ikea — if the good folks in Sweden deny you your rightful prize, you’ll at least have my eternal gratitude for this discovery.

  7. I’m pretty sure that having to attend an event at Chuck E Cheese is also a splash of cold water on baby fever. As with any medical treatment: your results may vary.

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