Yesterday, it was exceptionally windy in Austin. Like, blow you over when you’re walking into your office building kind of windy. Power went out. Trees were uprooted and blown onto the metrorail tracks. It. Was. Windy. As. Hell.
And you know what? When it’s that kind of windy EVERYTHING BECOMES A WEAPON and all of those weapons are FLYING AT YOU. Quickly and with pointy ends. And walking outside is literally taking your life in your own hands because you could easily take the pointy end of an acorn in the eyeball. My leg was literally punctured by a leaf yesterday. A small and seemingly harmless leaf punctured my leg. And now, Captain Thoughtful is asking me to clarify that by puncture, I mean left a tiny scratch that barely even bled. I suspect he’s jealous of the totally awesome scar I might have from this leaf puncture wound.
The point is, everything is dangerous when the wind blows real hard y’all. It’s not all nice and magical like in The Wizard of Oz. In real life, both Dorothy and Toto would have been torn to shreds by advertisements for denture cream. Which would have made a terrible movie. More accurate, but terrible. And that’s why I don’t write movies.