Sitting in traffic and getting passed by a slow moving train….
Me: Look! There’s a penis on that train!
Captain Thoughtful: Yes. Yes there is.
Me: Look at that peeper! It’s huge!
Captain Thoughtful: It’s kind of cute how proud it looks.
Me: Awww, now we’re passing it.
Captain Thoughtful: Don’t worry sweetheart, I’m sure we’ll see another on down the line.
Me: My biological clock is going CRAZY!
Captain Thoughtful: Huh.
Me: For real. It’s like screaming at me every day “HAVE A BABY YOU DUM-DUM!” “IT’S TIME TO HAVE A BABY!”
Captain Thoughtful: (conspicuous silence)
Me: (ignoring the silence) Well, anyway, there’s pretty much only one way I can think of to make it slow down. We should get a puppy. RIGHT. NOW.
Captain Thoughtful: A puppy is going to slow down your biological clock?
Me: Obviously. It’s science.
Captain Thoughtful: Oh?
Me: You just never learned about it in sex education, but I did.
Captain Thoughtful: Uh…….
Me: It’s pretty complicated science. Just trust me that we need to get a puppy like yesterday. A PUPPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO SLOW MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK. It’s like a ticking time bomb right now, and if we don’t get a puppy and we don’t have a baby it will literally explode. Like a bomb. A uterus bomb. INSIDE ME.
Captain Thoughtful: This omelet is delicious.
Me: Good. I’m glad we’re in agreement about the puppy.