Is This Why I Haven’t Won A Golden Globe?

I image (frequently) what it would be like to win a Golden Globe. Or an Oscar. Or, you know, the lottery. And when I imagine that, I imagine what my acceptance speech would sound like. And I imagine it would be eloquent and clever and sincere and would make everyone cry from it’s beauty. And then I remember who I am, and what my acceptance speech would really sound like….

“Oh my word y’all. Y’all. This is crazy y’all. Y’all. Y’all. Thank y’all. Thank you. Thanks. Seriously, y’all? For really real? Y’all! This is so crazy y’all! Oh my word. Y’all.”

And then I might say a curse word, because I don’t always handle things appropriately. But mostly, it would be a lot of “y’all”.

Is that why I’ve never even gotten close to getting close to being nominated for a Golden Globe? I suspect yes. I also suspect Steven Spielberg is somehow behind this.

Also, I think that if you can’t even go to the awards, you shouldn’t be allowed to win. I’m just sayin.

23 thoughts on “Is This Why I Haven’t Won A Golden Globe?

  1. Liza Naumova says:

    I won the lottery at the jewelry exhibition two years in row. And I refused to speak twice. This year I am going to use your speech or at least “Y’all” πŸ™‚

  2. You know what I was thinking as I was watching the Golden Globes last night? 1) Damn that lighting is BAD. 2) Damn those tables are really close together. And finally, 3) I bet going to these things is AWFUL. You’d just be like, “Oh! It’s that…guy! From that…show! CRAAAAAP he’s coming over here to say hello right now! Oh, and I think I just called that director’s wife Sue. It’s definitely not Sue. I’m never going to get another part in Hollywood!

    Um. So. Yes. I might not be cut out for fame and fortune. But you. You could be, like, the next Sally Field or something!

    1. Oh man- I hadn’t thought of that. I’m sure I would get myself into all kinds of awkward shenanigans at an event like that. We should go to one together! We would have blogging material for ages!

  3. Steven S. Walsky says:

    And now a serious word from your fans. Just remember, an actor wins an award for ‘playing’ someone he/she isn’t, a singer wins it for saying the words someone else wrote, and a dancer wins it for not being able to stand still. Besides, I think your speech came from the heart, and not a speech writer who cares more about advertisers, the next gig, and TV coverage, than the audience. Steve πŸ˜‰

      1. Steven S. Walsky says:

        Y’all very welcome. By the way, y’all, I have a problem spelling y’all in my writing because for some reason people want to pronounce it ‘why’all,’ which is either a question posed by confused people or a drain cleaner; so I write ‘you all’.

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