So, I’m getting married in like, 5 days. And by “like 5 days” I mean, exactly 5 days. And I thought to myself, “Hey self. You’re getting married to the love of your life. You must be SUPER AWESOME at dating because you totally won the dating game when he put a ring on it.” (Note: that’s the reason engaged women wear rings, because it’s like the trophy for winning at dating. Not because it makes you someone’s property.) Then I continued talking to myself, as I am want to do, “Self, it’s me again, yourself, and I was thinking that since we won the dating game, we should share our rules for dating with the world so everyone can be a winner because we are a really really good person that everyone should love and want to give presents to.” It’s really hard to argue with that logic so here are my rules for dating.
1. Never repeat name date. That means you never date more than one person with the same name. It’s bad luck.
2. Make sure the person you’re dating understands that you know how to Google Bomb them. Just in case things get ugly.
3. If some idiot breaks up with you. Don’t be friends with them after. At least for a little while. You need to grieve the relationship and eat icing straight from a can before you’re ready to be friends.
4. Assess your date very seriously by asking yourself “How would they fare in an apocalyptic situation? Would they be of any use to me?”
5. If you make a Harry Potter reference and he/she doesn’t get it. Run like hell.
I’m just saying, it totally worked for me.