Definitive Proof Steven Spielberg Hates Me

Need I say more? Yes? Ok fine. They (meaning the powers that hate me) are re-releasing Jurassic Park in 3D. Because it wasn’t enough to make me have 2D waking nightmares, no, they want me to have 3D waking nightmares where a TRex and a Raptor jump out and try to eat me from a movie screen. Because Steven Spielberg hates me. There is literally no other explanation, I mean, he can’t be doing this for the money. No, it’s not about the money. It’s about inflicting as much terror on me as possible through dinosaurs. Sure, some might argue that this is easily avoidable by not seeing the movie, but they would be WRONG. Wrong because I’ve already been terrified by a 3D preview that came on when I was seeing another not-at-all-dinosaur-related movie. At first, I didn’t believe what was happening and then A TREX JUMPED OUT OF THE SCREEN AT ME AND THEN BLACKNESS because I either passed out or my brain is trying to protect me by blocking the memory, except no stupid brain you blocked out the wrong part.
I mean, obviously I’m not going to see it. But just the fact that it’s happening proves a point. Mr. Spielberg hates my guts.

21 thoughts on “Definitive Proof Steven Spielberg Hates Me

  1. For me, the Jurassic Park shock effect wore off after the first movie, everything else was just kinda silly. Question: how do they do a 3D movie for home viewing?? Do they just remove the 3D effect thus making the movie that much more ridiculous? Definitely not a ” must buy this movie when it comes out on DVD ” .

  2. in a really awkward moment i thought it was me who posted this, but i just figured out that it’s you who translate my thoughts to words. you are definitely right. i don’t know why, but i think that Mr. Spielberg is declaring war on me too!

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