I’m Probably Not Allowed At Hockey Games Anymore…

Little known fact about me- I like hockey. And though Texas is a place where ice has a very difficult time existing, it is also a place with extraordinary air conditioning and so we totally have hockey teams here. Usually, I go to hockey games with my family and therefore am somewhat appropriately behaved. Which is to say, I’m inappropriate but only to an appropriate degree. I’m appropriately inappropriate.

But, on Saturday, I went to a hockey game with Captain Thoughtful and some of our friends. And as a result, I’m fairly certain I won’t be allowed back unless I agree to abstain from the following.

1. Don’t say “and that’s not a metaphor” anytime someone references a “stick”.

2. Don’t laugh when people fall down on the ice.

3. Don’t humiliate your fiance by getting on the big screen because of your AWESOME dance moves.

4. Stop giggling every time someone gets a “high-sticking” penalty. (And then follow it up with “and that’s not a metaphor” you’ll think it’s funny the 1000th time but no one else will. Because they don’t get it. Or they’re just humorless grouchy-pants)

5. Don’t sit in the wrong seat and make promises to the kids behind you and then move to your actual seats. Those kids will think you’re a jerk who breaks promises. Although, maybe you’ve taught them an important lesson about not trusting strangers.

Anyway, I had fun.

16 thoughts on “I’m Probably Not Allowed At Hockey Games Anymore…

    1. All of a sudden I feel the need to go to a hockey game… I am not sure why I have never shouted that before. Thank you… and some french-speaking goalie is going to thank you too…

  1. I kept waiting for you to list something that I wouldn’t do… and it never happened.

    We got spoiled going to Dallas Stars games for a couple of years back around the time they won the Cup. One of the Doctors that Mrs. Paladin works for would get complimentary tickets in the expensive section just a couple of rows from the glass. Since he didn’t care for hockey he would give them to us! Fancy… they would bring you food and stuff right to your seats!

    Once that source dried up… the only tickets we could afford were the nosebleed section near the roof. Not the same 😦 The town where we live does have a minor league team, though, and we’ve been planning to check them out. More in the dogcatcher budget wheelhouse 🙂

    1. I was at a minor league team’s game as well. They’re way cheaper and I actually think more fun. Also, at the end of the game all the players were helping collect these bears that fans brought to donate to charity and I thought that was really cool and something you wouldn’t see NHL players do. Of course, right now, you can’t see NHL players doing anything because of the strike or whatever.

      Anyway, I say you treat Mrs. Paladin to some minor league hockey fun times!

  2. “The sign said:
    Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
    “It seemed to me,” said Wonko the Sane, “that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.”
    -Douglas Adams.

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