Your Childhood Is About To Be Rocked. Also, I Need Some Sleep.

You guys. All of your favorite nursery rhymes are about drugs. Think about it. Except you don’t have to really think about it because I did all thinking for you. You’re welcome.

  • Mary didn’t have a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow- that was just code for Mary had a little drug mule who was carting uncut cocaine.
  • Humpty Dumpty was sitting on a wall, get it? Up high? He was high. And then he fell and his life was in pieces. It’s a cautionary tale. Don’t do drugs.
  • The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout? There is a drug called water. This one is too easy.

 I think this is what happens when you’re watching TV because you can’t sleep and what you’re watching is a documentary about drugs, and then you fall asleep and wake up with this written in the notebook you keep next to your bed. I think.

15 thoughts on “Your Childhood Is About To Be Rocked. Also, I Need Some Sleep.

  1. I keep a notebook next to my bed too, to scribble crazy dreams I have. One time I didn’t have it there but had a dry erase marker in the bathroom so wrote the dream on a mirror. Woke up with writing across the ENTIRE huge mirror….which was sort of ….weird. Notebook is way better, much less creepy.

    Sounds like you need a drug, of some sort. Valium?

  2. So…wedding planning is this stressful, huh. The only solution is a full day of champagne taste testing. Fun with the added bonus of a solid night’s sleep. 🙂

  3. Gees, all this time I assumed these were all plague and Brit history related, phew- this is much less boring and really explains why ‘we all fall down’ so much.

  4. I used to keep a notebook by my bed but stopped. I’d have been committed if anyone else bothered to read my sleep induced scribblings, fortunately they didn’t, but I still don’t know what ‘Joy – March’ means.

    Probably my assisant (Joy) and March Library (the place), but maybe ‘joy’ just meant joy, in the month of March, or maybe Joy should march to March in March with joy. Who knows, but you see what I mean?

    A cautionary tale. Don’t let Captain Thoughtful see the notebook.

  5. You’re riight! I never thought about it.

    How about “Little Boy Blue Come BLOW your horn”….cocaine is called “blow”.
    “Jack and Jill went up the hill”…..probably to smoke a doobie.
    “Jack sprat could eat no fat”.. well, that one’s about anorexia.
    “Mary Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow?”….that’s about growing hydroponic pot.
    “Old King Cole….called for his pipe”…..you do the math
    “Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub”….gay menage a trois?

    The list just goes on. Glad you pointed it out.

  6. Can’t sleep. Crack-smoking clown will eat me.

    Perhaps the reason Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall was because he sampled some of Mary’s uncut cocaine. I assume that shit really screws with certain eggs.

  7. “Who will buy
    This wonderful feeling?
    I’m so high
    I swear I could fly.
    Me, oh my!
    I don’t want to lose it
    So what am I to do
    To keep the sky so blue?” -Oliver! the musical.

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