Someone Put A Curse On My Laundry

Remember the Island of Misfit Blogs? Well, I found some of those blogs mostly written in my GotC email drafts folder. It’s a miracle! Or a shocking lack of organization. 

Please enjoy this laundry post that I wrote months ago and which terrifyingly still holds true today. Maybe I’m some kind of visionary. Probably not though, I think the more likely explanation is that there really is a curse on my laundry. 

Something bad happened y’all. Real bad. Someone has put a curse on my laundry. I revealed last week that I have a bad habit of not  taking my clothes to the dry cleaners and then ruining them in my washer. And that’s on me y’all. That’s on me. I admit that. But something else is going on with my laundry, something way more sinister than shrinking sweaters in the dryer. My laundry is multiplying. MULTIPLYING. Exponentially.

Like the Geminio curse (you know the one, the one that almost made Harry Potter and friends drown in a sea of golden goblets in Bellatrix Lestrange’s vault at Gringotts. Yeah, you know the one.) my laundry is taking over my entire apartment and I’m afraid to fall asleep because an underwear avalanche could happen at any moment. My laundry is EVERYWHERE. On couches, chairs, the dryer, the washer, in the laundry basket, on the floor, and in the refrigerator. (One of those is an exaggeration). And no matter how much I wash and dry my clothes, they keep showing up not folded in my dresser or hanging up in my closet. They have been cursed and can not enter those places, so they find other places in my apartment to live. Seriously, my apartment looks as if I might be a clothes hoarder and yet there is plenty of room in my closet and dresser but I just….can’t….get….the clothes….there.

I suspect Steven Spielberg is behind the curse.

33 thoughts on “Someone Put A Curse On My Laundry

  1. This was one of my favorite ones recently of yours! It is hilarious and reflects sadly upon the way my one bedroom apt. looks after both my daughter in her 20’s and I do laundry! Thanks for the chuckles!

  2. Laundry? What is Laundry? You mean those piles of clothing laying about the floor are actually not supposed to be there? Dang, my husband has to do something about that I knew there was something I forgot to tell him.

  3. I have the exact same problem. My poor desk chair has an increasing pile of sweaters and pants on it because I don’t think they’re dirty, but I don’t want to hang them up either. The poor thing has clothes on it more often than my actual butt. These are the trials of our lives.

  4. Haha! I keep wondering how my socks and bras end up strewn all over the house too. Wherever those dogs and puppies are unleashed is where the restrictive clothing lands. And then on laundry day I’m wondering where all my stuff is 🙂

  5. Steven S. Walsky says:

    “One of those is an exaggeration.” That was a difficult question to ponder first thing this morning. Since people will look for their errant car keys in the freezer, I immediately ruled that one out…hummm, must be the dryer. Yep, obviously you have an empty dyer if the clothes are congregating everyplace else. And a word of advice, do not, emphatically, do not try the Hexed Laundry cure that is periodically found on Wikipedia…as pouring liquid bleach over all the places the laundry has taken a shine to will leave an unwanted odor in the house.

      1. There’s only one solution. You’re going to have to throw an ape through a stable door. Or maybe a talking ginger cat. And then bang your sword on your shield and go “Tash! Tash! The great god Tash!” 😛

      1. jmgoyder says:

        I’ll only do that if you start calling everyone ‘mate’ like they do here – eg. how ya going mate?’

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