Weddings Are Hilarious

Did you guys know that once you get engaged you automatically turn into a pretty pretty princess? I mean, I think you’re supposed to. Sure, I didn’t, but if all of the wedding magazines and wedding reality shows are to be trusted (and I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t trust them) then engaged ladies everywhere should turn into princesses upon receiving the bling-bling ring. I wish I had a dollar for every bride I’ve heard say “I want to be a princess on my wedding day!” because then I would be uber-rich and could probably buy an island and declare myself princess of it for reals.
But, you guys, I *don’t* want to be a princess. I don’t even want to be princess adjacent. I just want to be me in a great dress surrounded by people I love (and also everyone else I had to invite). I am apparently missing the princess gene. Maybe I didn’t watch enough Disney princess movies- I mean, my favorite Disney movies were Pinocchio, Peter Pan, and Alice in Wonderland and although I really liked the princess movies, I never really thought about it as a viable life-option. Whereas Wonderland seemed like a really nice place to settle down and start a family.
But also, you guys, think about some real life princesses. Marie Antoinette was once a princess and her head got lobbed off. Princesses do NOT have charmed lives. Honestly, I think they’re lives seem kind of bleak and full of pressure. Think about it. Princesses throughout history have been kidnapped, brutally murdered, raped, and traded like cattle to further monarchies and dynasties. Yeah. Not for me, thanks. And especially not on my wedding day. I’m more than happy to just be GotC in a pretty dress.

33 thoughts on “Weddings Are Hilarious

  1. I’m so behind on blog reading/commenting right now. Better late than never, right? You have a good point! Maybe princesses should wear suits of armor instead of dresses….safety first!

  2. Weddings ARE over rated as are the guest lists that go with them. Do I have to invite people I don’t want toooooooooooooooooooooo *sigh* Reading this article took me back to the days when I was an engagement ring specialist. You guys haven’t seen princesses let me assure you! I have heard women say some incomprehensible things in front of and behind the backs of their future partner that would have made me run the other way as fast as my legs could possible take me if I was in their fiance’s shoes.
    A tradition full of sentiment in full bloom, ripped out from the roots and left to dry up and die. That’s a 21st century wedding.

  3. Sorry to burst your bubble, princess. But you’re getting married. You are going to be a bride. The crown is yours for the duration. It’s just the natural order of bridedom. But, you could start a new trend by introducing the CONTRARY BRIDE. Do the exact opposite of what the bridal mags tell you except in one area. No one outshines the bride of her big day. πŸ™‚

  4. Steven S. Walsky says:

    True beauty and enchantment is on the inside, and you have shown that in your writing, so a true princess is going to kissed when your prince says ’I Do’!

  5. jcmgertie says:

    Lovit! Wonder how many of those princesses wake up a few years later and wonder when their prince turned into a frog πŸ™‚

  6. I don’t want to be a princess either, too many social restrictions and you still end up featured topless in French gossip magazines. I don’t even want an engagement ring when the man doesn’t have to wear one – it’s like I’m taken but he’s still single…

    1. I have a friend who feels the same way about engagement rings! I’d never thought of it that way before. Also, true story on being a princess- I’m not even trying to have people photographing my every move.

  7. Don’t sweat it, Sweetheart! I bought my dress off a clearance rack… I never had the dream of a big, beautiful wedding where I was the center of attention. Honestly – I’d have been find getting married in front of the Justice of the Peace… but my family (and his) would have protested. Have YOUR wedding the way YOU and HE want it… and don’t have it any other way.

  8. Engagement and weddings are over rated

    Seriously, I hope you enjoy this time between now and the wedding and then have a great life together after the “big day”.

  9. “I’ve had dreams like you, no really,
    Just much less touchy-feely.
    They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny,
    On an island that I own,
    Tanned and rested and alone…
    Surrounded by enormous piles of money!”
    -Flynn Rider, “Tangled.”

  10. The Smile Scavenger says:

    “I *don’t* want to be a princess. I don’t even want to be princess adjacent. I just want to be me in a great dress surrounded by people I love” — I feel the same way, as does my partner. πŸ™‚ I hope your day is the perfect balance!

  11. But you already ARE a princess:

    A) You reign over the contrary realm
    B) You’re my sister from another mister–and I’m one

    Besides, most princesses (at least the most promoted ones) are airheads–hence their troubles. We never have to worry about such things in OUR princessdom.

  12. Thank you! I feel the exact same way. I think it BEYOND weird to have grown-ass women prancing around and talking about how they want to be princesses at their weddings. So bizarre.

    I also hate the “veil attached to a tiara” trend. That needs to go far, far away. This is not a beauty pageant nor a live-action Disney film. Remove the crown.

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