Tom Is Definitely 100% A Spy

Y’all, I had no fewer than 5 phone calls for Tom yesterday. 5. But one interested me more than the others. Mostly because it completely 100% verifies my theory that Tom is a spy.

Fact: The number was listed as “unknown”.

Fact: The woman began the call by saying “This call is being recorded.”

Fact: When I told her there was no “Tom” at this number she replied by asking for “Thomas”. Clearly, this is his alias.

Fact: She reminded me when she was hanging up that the call was probably being recorded.

There is no other reasonable conclusion for me to come to except that Tom is absolutely positively a spy. And just for the record (because I’m sure secret agents are reading this blog right now) I AM NOT TOM AND I DO NOT WANT ANY PART OF THESE SPY SHENANIGANS. Which is exactly what Tom would say if he was me, which he isn’t because I’m me and not Tom. Just for the record.

32 thoughts on “Tom Is Definitely 100% A Spy

  1. Delilah says:

    I think I know who Tom is!!!! I received a message on my cell phone last night from a man. He was going on and on about how I had his phone and I needed to give it back. Very strange.

  2. Here is the answer:

    I am also recording this call.
    What is your name, no your entire name.
    Where are you calling from, no what city and state.
    What is the name of your company again?
    What is your phone number?

    Why do I want to know? So I can mark the recordings with the right information for my attorney and the Attorney General.

    No Tom isn’t here, never has been here, this isn’t Toms number.

  3. leekirs1 says:

    Quite funny, but I think he must be the more common type of spy known as the ‘debtor’, always being hunted down by the ubiquitous shadow-figures, the ‘bill collectors’, who will stop at nothing to destroy the debtor. 🙂

  4. troubledfred says:

    I wonder if your “Tom” is my gregorian. I used to ( and sometimes still do) get calls just like the ones your getting about Gregorian and just don’t take no for an answer. Makes me wonder…

  5. You should start saying “he’s not here, can I take a message?” – you might get to accidentally fall into some spywork yourself. Good side business.

  6. troubledfred says:

    I wonder if you “Tom” is my gregorian. I used to ( and sometimes still do) get calls just like the ones your getting about Gregorian and just don’t take no for an answer. Makes me wonder…

  7. Seems pretty clear that they are targeting you, but are unsure at this point if they have the right person. “TOM” is probably some sort of code word, since we’re dealing with spies, after all.

    I’m reminded of one of my favorite classic films – Spartacus. Near the end of the movie, after the slave rebellion is pretty much crushed by the Romans, they have all the remaining slaves/gladiators lined up as the Centurion asks for Spartacus to step forward and identify himself as the leader. The idea being, that if he comes forward the others will be spared.

    The love that the fighters feel for Spartacus is so great, that they each step forward claiming to be Spartacus.

    Please allow me to be the first to step forward….

    “I AM TOM”

    Of course, in hindsight, it doesn’t really work out so great for everyone in the end. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

  8. “No one has ever caught old Tom walking in the forest, wading in the water, leaping on the hilltops under light and shadow. He has no fear.” -Goldberry, LOTR.

      1. “You know, at least Tom can carry on a conversation.” “Yeah! (pause) Tom? Who’s Tom?” “The frat guy.” “Oh, Buffy, I don’t think so. Frying pan, fire? You know what I’m sayin’? -BTVS.

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