Weddings Are Hilarious.

Godzilla

Did you know you aren’t allowed to get angry when you’re a bride? Yeah. That’s a thing. You aren’t allowed to get angry because no matter how justified your anger, everyone will call you a “Bridezilla” and completely disregard your feelings, even if they’re legitimate….because you’re getting married….so, that automatically makes you a “Bridezilla”. Apparently, it’s science.

Say, for example, you’re a bride and a member of your bridal party intentionally hits you with their car (you know, for laughs) – you totally can’t get mad at them because then everyone will say “She’s just stressed about having two broken legs at the wedding and is being such a Bridezilla.” That is a thing that would happen.

Or, on a less violently hyperbolic note, perhaps someone you’ve invited to the wedding makes a big deal about howΒ inconvenient your wedding is for them and what a hassle it will be to attend. You, as the bride, are not allowed to respond with anything other than a smile and a shrug because otherwise OH MY GOSH IT’S BRIDEZILLA.

There are a lot of things that can go wrong with your wedding, and nothing is going to go exactly as planned. Most of those things are minor and you’ll be able to laugh about them because, in case you haven’t heard, weddings are hilarious. But there will be other things, things that actually do matter, relationships that matter, that are going to go through the ringer and cause the bride heartache and headache- and while those things might not be hilarious (although, if you’re me, you might still inappropriately laugh at them) what is hilarious is that as a bride, you aren’t allowed to get mad without getting slapped with a big scarlet B for “Bridezilla”. And that’s funny y’all because out of all theΒ villainous monsters, I’m way more of a Medusa when I get mad. Or like, an Octoshark. Β Godzilla doesn’t even make sense- I’m terrified of dinosaurs, why would I become one when I’m mad? That’s just poor logic.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that people should be more clever with their bride-directed insults. Yeah. That’s probably what I’m trying to say. Because I certainly wouldn’t say that it’s some bull that a bride isn’t allowed to get angry for legitimate reasons for fear of being labeled a “Bridezilla”. Saying something like that would make me a “Bridezilla”. Which I’m not. Because I’m afraid of dinosaurs.

 

146 thoughts on “Weddings Are Hilarious.

  1. emjcox says:

    Hahah! I completely agree! I have been extra nice to everyone to avoid the brides ills title. It’s exhausting!

  2. After reading the first paragraph, the first character that popped into mind was Lilian (Bridesmaids, Maya Rudolph), but after reading the entirety of the post, I felt a bit remorsed.

  3. ” Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I’m swamped.”
    “Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.” -Humperdinck and Count Rugen, The Princess Bride.

  4. You bear no resemblance to a Bridezilla. I also wrote some funny stuff about weddings on my blog, itsmindbloggleing. The blog is called Playing Wedding Hookie and is about subversive ways to get your husband to go to a wedding.

  5. LOL, well put.
    As I’m sure there ARE some real bridezillas out there (they made a show about it so…) I think the term coined gives people the excuse to be as rude as they want to be with the bride. It’s like the word b**** being used for any woman who is assertive. Women can’t be angry, you know. πŸ˜‰

  6. As a wedding videographer i have seen my fair share of brides getting angry/upset and it is usually justified. When they have spent some much time/effort/blood/sweat and tears for this one day and then something throws a spanner in the works, whether it be a supplier, venue staff etc, then i cannot blame the poor girl for losing it!

  7. Alyssa says:

    My wedding was a disaster, it wasn’t well planned…very impromptu and my mother in law is killing me and yes, I wasn’t allowed to make my Bridezilla transformation. Anyways, that was like some years ago, I’m so over it now. I love this post by the way and congrats on making this to freshly pressed. πŸ™‚

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  8. Hahahah – what a funny post. Interesting how you picked this topic to write a post about – but it’s wonderfully hilarious and I agree that it’s true.
    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  9. You literally made me laugh-out-loud as I read this! Totally following your blog! awesomeness πŸ™‚ and i completely agree with your logic behind the “Bridezilla” I actually hurt my leg and had to be in a cast right up until my wedding day, everyone around me walked on egg shells like I would eat them at any moment, even though I wasn’t all that upset about it. Great post!

  10. Very true. Same goes for female Asian drivers. No matter what I do, I can’t mess up on the road otherwise people will just say “Ah look, she’s an Asian driver. Of course she can’t parallel park.” I therefore have to drive PERFECTLY. For the rest of my life.

  11. Good point! Brides aren’t allowed to get mad. But, the fact is, a woman probably has had no other more stressful time in her life up until this time. Expectations are a bit extreme, if you ask me.

  12. Sarah D. says:

    How come there isn’t a Groomzilla?

    I hope you have a wonderfully happy day when it comes and a wonderfully happy marriage.

    On a lesser note, congratulations on being FP!

  13. ummmm … people started calling me a bridezilla a year before my wedding when i just tried to find a nice decor for my big day umphh! – they said it was too soon to plan something ….. whyee us?! (two months to go now – he’s freaking out too! :D)

  14. Lol! You have me pondering what I would have been at my first wedding had things gone wrong. Things did go wrong, I just rolled with it, nobody noticed it except me. I’m dying over the two broken legs and still being labelled a bridezilla. So sad but true!!!

  15. When I got married I used a florist that my mom had known for years. When I went to see the woman I told her the colors of the wedding and that I liked calla lilies. I was open for any suggestions she had on what other flowers to use & how to arrange the bouquets. She said,”Wow, you’re easy. I don’t know what your mom was talking about. She told me you were high maintenance”. Nice for my mom to speak so highly of me.

  16. I have been involved with both my best friends’ weddings this summer and they’ve each had their “bridezilla” moments. LOL. I think it was more the drama between the differences in their styles: one really plans everything to a T, and one rolls by the seat of her pants. C’est la vie!

    But this is why I don’t watch wedding shows on TV. πŸ˜‰

  17. Perhaps you could rent one of the inflatable Zillas that you see at Grand ReOpenings of car dealerships. Throw a veil over it, and folks will hopefully discern the subtle distinctions between Lovely Human Bride (you) and a legit Bridezilla. You might also be able to collect some cash renting her out as a dance partner at the reception! Damn. I should be a wedding planner.

  18. Casual is for sure the way to go. My husband and I flew to Vegas to “elope” but then everyone found out and it went from 4 people total to almost 20. Talk about feeling the pressure to make the wedding something spectacular and amazing for all that flew down…did I mention I was 7 months preggers AND was running on 3 hours of sleep that day. I think I may have qualified for Bridezilla– at least I think so. Just keep it simple and the rest will fall in line. You can only plan so much, and when the day comes nothing is going to happen the way you want it (unfortuanlly).

  19. Call me old fashioned. And a guy.

    The bride and groom are king and queen -respectivly- at their wedding. The bride should be able to say and/or do A N Y TH I N G on her day, and everyone else should smile and take it. The only legs broken are those of the obnoxious drunk, after the Bride or Groom snaps their fingers in ‘Tonys’ direction, then points in the direction of the offender. But yes, the breakage occurs in the parking lot πŸ˜‰

    If you can’t tell your friends in your wedding party what to wear, are they really your friends?

  20. And now you are like a really really good glass of orange juice… which could totally just be a precursor to a great mamosa. and no, I have no idea how to spell mamosa.

  21. Generation 26 says:

    Righto. The funny flip side to this is how if someone is being an actual-factual bridezilla, it seems like everyone just makes the comment and then slink away to do whatever task they were assigned. I think the tell-tale sign of an actual bridezilla is if she screams “I’m the bride!” angrily more than once for every two consecutive days. Now that’s science for ya!

      1. Generation 26 says:

        Everytime my best friend and I watch the show we promise each other to beat the crap out of the other one if we ever act like that lol That’s a good freindship for ya

  22. littletash says:

    I have just over a month left until my wedding and, man, did I need to read this! What gets me is that you’re held responsible for certain things (making sure everyone has a seat, gets fed, gets on with those they’re sat with, isn’t offended by this that or the other…) but as soon as you grumble about unreturned rsvps or last minute dietary requirements, you’re the one branded the monster… not that I’m complaining of course! These are the happiest times of our lives πŸ™‚

  23. Keep laughing…It’s the only way to survive (and thoroughly enjoy) a wedding…Great post…Brought back lots of memories…

    Bridezilla: a large, ferocious prehistoric dinosaur who masquerades as a wedding guest in order to torment an unsuspecting bride before devouring her whole.

    Watch out! They’re everywhere….

  24. Congratulations on getting onto Freshly Pressed. And your article was totally hilarious, but true! What an authentic lovely science of brides… Superb!

    1. Not at all! Keep in mind your sister is probably under a lot of stress and planning a wedding is a major task, but also don’t let her treat you without respect. It’s a delicate line. But, I can promise all brides aren’t like that. πŸ™‚

  25. I am so glad you commented on the “your wedding is an inconvenience, and attending will be a hassle” phenomenon. I’m dealing with that right now, but I’m not the bride. I’m the Mother of the Groom and they can all hear me ROAR!

    1. I feel so bad for the Mom’s! They take a lot of heat and bear the brunt of so much of the wedding drama. And yeah, I’m not sure what’s up with the whole “your wedding inconveniences me” thing. It’s ridiculous.

  26. Haha! Weddings are an intricately delicate event to take part in. People`s reactions towards the bride sometimes do shock me. You know what? Its the brides day! It`s about her and her groom loving and growing with each other for the rest of their lives…let`s not lose that vitally important perspective and let`s give the bride a break. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

      1. That is what is important, you and your groom. It`s great that everyone else is there to share it with you but the day is all about your love and commitment to each other… by the way Congratulations! Marriage is an awesome journey. It might be the end of one story but its the beginning of another πŸ™‚

  27. georginacblog says:

    I love this! I think it is something that spreads further than just weddings and brides. Any time a woman gets legitimately cross about something, the general approach by the world is to be all like “oooh! It must be her time of the month” or “god her poor husband, he must be so hen-pecked” etc. etc. Boo to the mockery of female emotion generally but yay to an excellent post about it!

  28. lushlili says:

    I’d probably tell people to F off if they called me one!

    I don’t see anything wrong in wanting your one day perfect!

    Such a great post that made me laugh so thank you!

  29. You are SO right. (Also I feel as if I’ve learned some really invaluable science things from you here.)

    Weddings are definitely when you realize, once and for all, which people in your life can’t help but make everything all about themselves. I felt bad even stipulating a shoe color for the bridesmaids, lest I get labeled bridezilla! On the plus side, focusing on other people the day of (“is everyone having fun?”) made it easier not to freak out…about dancing the fox trot in front of 200 people…

    Annnd I totally made this comment about me just so you know what to be on the look-out for. πŸ˜‰

    1. Dude, I’m like, really good at science. πŸ˜‰

      And you are so right- planning the wedding has been a big eye-opener in terms of people making the wedding about themselves. It’s a little crazy. And frustrating.

      And you have been nothing but supportive so feel free to make all your comments on your blog about yourself. I happen to like yourself. πŸ˜‰

  30. I’m glad you have it all worked out, GotC. I think the term “Bridezilla” is totally inappropriate for you. In addition to Love & Lunchmeat’s assessment, there are four levels of Bridezilla-dom.

    1. As described above – most disagreeable level and commensurate with the bride’s actual disposition on a good day. Not you, check.

    2. A lesser version of Bridezilla, named Bridenstein, where the bride snaps from the strain of planning the wedding and having 72 different things go wrong. Her actual disposition on a good day apparently is fearful, and she realizes the old axiom: what you fear comes upon you.

    3. A lesser version of Bridenstein, named Bridepira, where you just know that the bride is going to grin at you manically and declare in a loud voice, “I yam going to sock your blod.” She’s the one who is blaming everything on everyone else and vowing to get even or else kick everyone out. Her wedding is not fun. Her actual disposition is naturally sunny, except she doesn’t take any credit for when things go wrong.

    4. A lesser version of Bridepira, named Bridevilla, who has a big plastic smile plastered on her face and nothing, but nothing, can get through that space-age material. You never know when the bride is ready to pop like a pressure cooker, and so you’re never ready if it happens. The good news is it doesn’t happen until the second morning of the honeymoon, which is a surprise to the groom, who wonders for the rest of the morning what he did wrong, which was nothing except to marry her. Her actual disposition is to smile annoyingly and cheerfully at everyone and everything, even legitimate chest pounders.

    Since you fall into none of the above categories, you have nothing to worry about. The bride who loves her fiance with a passion, uses humor to defuse situations and tends to take things in the best possible way is called Bride-iful. Her actual disposition is to use humor to defuse situations and take things in the best possible way. Does that sound familiar? πŸ™‚

  31. If your wedding day goes anything it should, you won’t be able to be angry regardless of plans going awry. I was so super-smiley-happy during mine that when I went out for some air (after dancing like a crazy thing in a dress that weighed a ton) I grinned at random people in the street, including the decidedly dodgy-looking blokes trying to have a quiet chat in the doorway of the nightclub next-door. They took one look at the crazy bride grinning at them and walked off down the road to have their conversation elsewhere!

    So this is your goal – I believe you can be a crazy-happy bride too – I know you have it in you!

    Also, if anyone ever did call you something that sounded like Bridezilla, don’t rule out that they might actually have said Bridechilla. I would define that as a bride with all the fluffy cute sweetness of a chinchilla.

  32. Not only are you not allowed to be angry, you’re also not allowed to have opinions. Especially unpopular opinions. That’s called being Difficult, and Ungrateful, and a Bridezilla. I kept the judgmental folk pretty well at bay by threatening to elope, but my poor ex-roommate had a miserable time of it.

  33. The Smile Scavenger says:

    Wonderful post. My best friend is one of the most level-headed people I know and she got married this year. She got labelled “bridezilla” not because she was angry, but because she was “a control freak” – making her own favors, center pieces, all arrangements, etc.

    To me, that just makes her way more organized than I’ll ever be. It’s your wedding, so you’re allowed to embrace the scarlet B – even if it stands for bridusa (that word connects better anyway).

  34. This provided a much-needed laugh this morning. You are so right! People need more creativity in their jabs. And also need to understand that weddings are stressful – I mean, the same people who call you bridezilla are going to be the ones who make nasty comments if your wedding isn’t perfect, right?!?
    Be consistent, people. And not consistently insensitive.

  35. This is what my twin sister is going through at the moment, and it’s funny that I just wrote a bit about it last night. She is not one to show emotion… period… so bottling all that added stress in and not raging out is just an expectation everyone has of her. It is now coming out in the form of panic attacks every time our mother whips out the fake tear weapons to win over her preference of big wedding, not small wedding… teenage cousin taking the photographs, not a professional who won’t turn the camera around and take pictures of herself in kissy poses at odd angles. It’s exhausting.

    1. Oh no! I feel for her! I’ve been so lucky because my family is letting me have the exact kind of wedding I want and not trying to push anything I don’t want. Take your sister for a spa day or out to dinner and just let her vent- it sounds like she needs it. I hope everything gets less stressful for her!

  36. Those bridezillas truly are scary, but I’m pretty sure this is the formula.

    A. You must secretly hate your fiance.
    B. You must disparage said fiance at every opportunity.
    C. You must be obsessed with everything coming together perfectly.
    D. You must be the yelling type and not afraid of starting a good old-fashioned barfight.
    E. You must not be afraid of dinosaurs.

    A+B+C+D+E=Bridezilla
    A+B+C+D+E minus the engagement ring=standard fare Godzilla

    And I’m pretty sure most of those girls started out standard fare… I do think it would have been cool to have gotten married 100 years ago when all you had to do was pick a pile of flowers from your garden and put on your best dress. Provided there were no shotguns following you around while you picked flowers and put on your best dress…

  37. I had my wedding 13 years ago. My husband and I had a great time. It was casual… I wore tennis shoes under my dress, the guests wore shorts because we had everything at a park. The kids were entertained because they could go play on the playground equipment.

    It’s one day out of your life and doesn’t define you or the both of you. Don’t sweat the small stuff – it really is all small stuff. And at least you didn’t get hit by a car by one of the wedding party and break both legs.

      1. Awesome!

        I stood up in a very elaborate wedding a few months after my own and the bride had a horrible time – she kept repeating “I am not having any fun. I hate this day.” I felt bad for her, but was very appreciative of my low-key, low-cost wedding.

        “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.”

      2. Why do I suddenly have the image of a bride, veil trailing in the wind, “putting her Rollie (Rolex) to the sky, waving it from side to side?”

  38. Awwww ((((hugs)))) You don’t arf’ make me laugh, like all the time! (Ty x) Best wishes and sending you patient vibes little lady (not a virtue I possess myself but hey!)…xxxxx

  39. It’s the extremist brides who have give the ones with legitimate freak-out causes the bad name–you know, the ones who insists you either chop off or sew in your hair so that everyone can have the exact same hairstyle only I. M. Pei could reconstruct, the ones who insist you abandon your job and/or families to help them choose from 500 shades of white, the ones who not think bridesmaid is synonymous to slave, but rhymes with it, too….those are the Bridezillas. ‘Cause they’re fossils–remnants of prehistoric behavior that they can no longer attempt to pass off as PMS.

    Of course, we know that would never be you…unless it involved matching lip glosses to get that perfect dewy effect….. πŸ˜‰

      1. FYI, despite evidence to the contrary, I really did learn proper syntax in school–I’m convinced there’s a demon in my keyboard changing what I type.

        who have give = who have given
        the ones who not think = the ones who not only think

  40. Mmmhm, I’m not sure I’d even bother with the entire hassle, to be honest. People are invited and can come up if they want, but other than that? Well.. they should’ve taken it out on their own weddings πŸ˜›

    Don’t let ’em get to ya. If people are still annoying after this post, feed them laxatives in their champagne. It might not help now, but it might be hilarious for you in at the end of the evening. That’ll teach them.

  41. squirrel circus says:

    I totally agree. Why Bridezilla? Calling us huge dinosaurs, with scaly dry skin, red irritated eyes, in dire need of mani pedis is NOT going to bring out the BEST in us. Am I right?

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