Weddings Are Hilarious

I never knew how ugly I was until I got engaged. Β Now, I’m positively flush with suggestions from EVERYONE on how to make myself pretty for the big day. And let me tell you guys something, it requires months and months of prep work. You think people just get pretty overnight? Bah. No, they buy lots and lots of expensive products, use them religiously, and then bada-bing bada-boom they look way better than us normals.

I need argan oil for my hair, vitamin C infused serums and moisturizers for my face, all natural cleansers for my everywhere, weekly body scrubs, lots of exfoliation, gold infused facials, pilates, short bursts of intense fat-burning cardio, eyelash extensions, skin brighteners, teeth whiteners, and loads and loads of other products I previously did not know existed and that cost obscene amounts of money.

So, instead of all that, I’m just hiring a photographer with bangarang photoshop skills. πŸ˜‰

I mean, I’ll show up clean, with make-up on (dewy methinks), and my hair looking lovely, but there is no way I’m spending half my wedding budget on products that promise me a prettier tomorrow- I’m marrying the love of my life, my tomorrow is looking pretty damn gorgeous.

48 thoughts on “Weddings Are Hilarious

  1. S’what I get for taking a GotC vacation….

    Congratulations, ma’am! I’m all for getting prettified for the big day but I agree that there are some limits. If it wasn’t in the original regimen or the everyday budget, it wasn’t getting added just because the celebrities powers that be said I should. Good for you for staying you!

  2. PencilGirl says:

    That last paragraph is why I read your blog. You have nailed the secret of life! Now you’re all set to attain nirvana. πŸ˜€

  3. Like you I did not spend anything out of the ordinary on my looks. Did not even get a make up artist (just my hairdresser and she is my usual one). Somehow, apparently against all odds placed by facial product marketeers, I managed to look as radiant as a bride marrying the love of her life does, even without photoshop help.
    Money well saved.

  4. Ugh, pretty much. Although our photographer wound up not being that great either. But I figured, I spent all my life up til now looking like me and still managed to have a great time and an amazing fiance – might as well keep it up for the wedding day.

  5. ‘there is no way I’m spending half my wedding budget on products that promise me a prettier tomorrow- I’m marrying the love of my life, my tomorrow is looking pretty damn gorgeous.’

    Amazing! I wish you all the best. All this chatter about improving your appearance for your wedding is so bizarre when you really think about it- as though your husband-to-be is going to be shocked and appalled by you when you turn up at the wedding venue if you’re not toned and tanned to within an inch of your life. Surely he ought to know what you look like by now?!

  6. The best outer makeup in the world comes from a happy interior glowing with love. This is what your groom wants. From the sounds of it, that is what he is going to get. Lucky him! (We want pictures, lots and lots of pictures πŸ˜› )

  7. I’m thinkin’ that if you have the reception at Taco Bell., you’re going to be so friggin’ happy anyway that your smile is what’s going to rule your beauty!!

  8. “Hear her, hear her,” said the Monopods. “Very nice we look. You couldn’t find a handsomer lot.” -The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

  9. And the crazy thing is, all of that make-up hoopla for ONE day. Not even a full day, just like 12 hours. I’m with ya, go natural, and you’ll be beautiful because you’re happy.

    1. And I also get to avoid the hassle of taking off layers and layers of make-up after, or worse, falling asleep in that make-up and waking up to find my pillow looking like a clown was murdered on it.

  10. “I mean, I’ll show up clean, with make-up on (dewy methinks), and my hair looking lovely,”

    And that is ALL that you need to do. Trust me. I’m a connoisseur.

    And yes, I did have to spell check that word πŸ™‚

  11. Excellent plan! No reason to over-inflate hubby’s expectations for everyday gorgeousness going forward. That kind of over achievement can only backfire on you down the road….

  12. Steven S. Walsky says:

    To the love of your life you are the most beautiful, georgous woman in the world, regardless of the hour of the day, your mood, your dress or undress, and that is what is important!

      1. Not to be picky, but I was a grammar golem in a previous lifetime πŸ˜› That should be “Hear, hear!” The emphasis is on listening to what the other person is saying, so the phrase means listen to this, it’s good stuff πŸ™‚

  13. but…but what about the queen bee venom? the glow-worm juice? every bride must be injected if she wants to have that glowy down-the-isle look. How will people know you’re truly radiant if it’s just caused by HAPPINESS, no mysterious gold-infused substances?!

  14. I hate this whole wedding-related business, people will sell you anything for a prettier tomorrow… love your conclusion, right on girl, I’m sure you’ll look gorgious (ahh the glow you get from love ;-))

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