Weddings Are Hilarious.

gravy boats
The couple that registers for multiple gravy boats shall never be parted. Verily and so forth.

Do you know how bad you need a $50 cheese grater? Because, you guys, you need one like really really badly. Oh, and also you need   Dolce and Gabbana bakeware because you wouldn’t want your quiche to come out all like off the rack, would you?? Get thee to a Williams Sonoma and buy yourself a mini pie maker because your pies are way too big and this season it’s all about tiny pies. Run run as fast as you can or you’ll never catch the gingerbread man and he’s like, totally the guy you want to talk to about all the stuff you don’t have that you need to be a married grown-up.

On the real, Captain Thoughtful and I registered last weekend (because if we’re paying for food, libations, and merriment for 200 people they sure as hell better be bringing gifts) and it was awesome. And also ridiculous. It was awesome because, hello, you get to pick out all the gifts you want people to shower you with because you decided to make your best friend your best friend forever for reals by marrying him. Ridiculous because oh my heavens some of the things the stores suggest you need to register for are absurd and hilarious to me. For instance, why oh why do you need individual butter dishes? Is it considered tacky to share a butter dish with the love of your life? And also, why does someone need to spend $50 on a cheese grater? Unless it’s a robot that grates your cheese and also does your laundry and pays your bills. Something like that would be worth $50 but just a simple cheese grater? Uh…no. I appreciate people wanting to buy us gifts to help us start our life together but there is no need to spend $50 on a cheese grater, unless you really really want to and think that that $50 cheese grater will change my life for the better in some way. At the moment though, I’m skeptical.

And oh my goodness the emails you receive after you register! Captain Thoughtful and I are being inundated with emails from the stores about all the things we didn’t register for that we totally should have. Like a second gravy boat. One gravy boat is not enough! In order to begin a successful marriage there must be two gravy boats present! If you find yourself at the beginning of your marriage with only one gravy boat, all is lost! Your marriage is doomed! Dooooooooommmmmmmmmeeeeeeedddddddd. Nice try Crate and Barrel, you gravy boat selling son of a gun, but I’m not fooled. Sure, I registered for a second gravy boat but that’s only because I really love gravy and not because you manipulated me into it with your hyperbolic emails. Gravy is delicious and deserves multiple boats to reside in before making it’s merry way into my belly with the biscuits. So there.

 

 

37 thoughts on “Weddings Are Hilarious.

  1. Oh. My. GAWD. Don’t even get me started. Some of the stuff I saw when we registered (and what I see other people registering for) had my eyebrow raised so high my aesthetician didn’t need to pluck them for months. Should I frighten you with the news that it only gets worse with housewarmings and babies?

  2. I guess I haven’t visited here for a while because I had no idea you were engaged, or even in a relationship. Congratulations!
    I actually (years ago) registered for an ironing board and an iron. I was criticized by a drunken relative for the ironing board…”a very poor choice”, she called it, “if you want an ironing board you just go out and buy an ironing board” …maybe if it had cost more or if I registered for a matching set of boards it would have been more acceptable? Anyway, I still don’t have one.

  3. I don’t know about you, but when we registered, we were amazed at the “list” prices of everything on our registry. The way department stores, etc. have massive sales every week, it’s hard to believe that anyone pays full price for anything! Our odd gift story was that one of the groomsmen bought the blender we registered for, his car was broken into at the wedding, the blender was stolen, and they never got us anything after that. I had trouble seeing how the fact that HE left a fancy wrapped wedding gift on his front seat in Baltimore City was my problem!

  4. So true. Thanks for the giggle. But I will tell you – our wedding presents rocked and we use every one to this day, five years later. Enjoy the ride! This is a really fun time…

  5. Superheroes china sounds great. I would def buy that. Gravy boats? Really? Sounds so fancy.. I usually eat my sauce straight from the can It doesn’t even have to touch the food 😀

  6. If I ever do an autobiography I am totally going to ask you to ghost-write it for me because frankly, I think your interpretation of my life will be a lot funnier. Keep being awesome and have an awesome wedding!

  7. Ha! – we did not register for fine china because I know I would be the one cooking as well as hand washing all that fine china at the Holidays – no thank you. Also, did not register for the fine silverware either – another hand washing and polishing project I did not need. I guess I am a practical gal and like you do not need a $50 cheese grater. Happy Monday!

    1. We didn’t register for china either but that’s mostly because I already had a lot of family china that I almost never use. Our registries are extremely practical. Except for maybe the mini pie maker…..I just had to register for that!

  8. thefoodandwinehedonist says:

    Just think, you get to do it again if u have a baby shower in the future. Our baby twins were disappointed that no one got them the DVD player and gas grill that were on the registry.

    1. Who would deny babies a gas grill?? I can’t believe your family and friends neglected to buy that for your children who will probably never learn the joy of grilling now. People these days….

  9. No wonder 9.8 out of 10 celebrity marriages end in divorce. I shall make it my mission henceforth to bless all marriages with twin gravy boats – to ensure their longevity! And if someone else happens to already be gifting a gravy boat, well; they say that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I don’t know if that actually relates to my point, but that’s what they say…

    I look forward to receiving my invitation in the post, forthwith. Post haste, and whatnot. (Sorry, I’ve just had a couple of chocolate biscuits for dessert. The sugar has gone straight to my vocabulary.)

    1. Yes! That must be it! Celebrities aren’t registering for enough gravy boats! Alert the presses immediately so that no more celebrity marriages shall end in divorce! 😉

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