Dear Flight Attendant

Dear Flight Attendant,

When we are having really really bad (like airplane crashing bad) turbulence I would really appreciate it if you could NOT PANIC because when you panic, I panic. And when I panic, I hyperventilate and cry all over Captain Thoughtful’s shirt and get mascara on it and really annoy the guy sitting on the other side of me. I have a hard enough time remembering to breathe when it’s turbulent, you freaking out and saying “This is really bad, we need to get to the back.” does NOT in any way help me not completely fall to pieces and humiliate myself.

But hey, thanks for the tiny bag of peanuts. It’s really cool you guys still do that.

Thankful I’m on the ground,


36 thoughts on “Dear Flight Attendant

  1. You are so awesome! I laugh every time I read something on here! Thanks you so much for making my day! And really… the tiny bags of pretzels taste waay better. I’d be honored if you looked at my site, and tried to give me some pointers on my writing!
    Lizzy Claire

  2. SweetP says:

    I will think of this on Sunday night as I fly to Paris, thanks for the heads-up! And the smile at this time in my life!

  3. You poor thing and pretty bad when the flight attendant cannot keep it under control. Glad your back on the ground safely. I love when they still try to serve drinks during those bumpy times. Have a Great Day!

  4. I’m glad you’ve locked in The Captain already. Lol! You know I’m teasing!

    I hate to fly. HATE. Statistics be damned; it just ain’t natural. Put me in a car like God intended.

  5. Ack! That is terrifying. I think I would have had an equally snot-filled reaction. SO glad you’re on the ground!

    And P.S. – Whoa! On your blogroll! I am totally celebrating this by not flying anywhere! Thank you so much!! šŸ™‚

  6. ” I know we’ve been going straight because I’ve been following the North Star.” “Xander, that’s not the North Star, it’s an airplane.” -Xander and Willow, BTVS.

  7. theliftblog says:

    Oh no that’s no good at all! I’m glad you got to your destination safely though! Hopefully the stewardess will be talked to.

  8. Great post!
    Can be worse when you’re in a tiny airplane smelling of goat cheese in communist Bulgaria where at the last moment some late passengers are allowed in the plane and because of lack of space they are told to be seated on their bags. The flight attendant has to put her legs up against the cupboards during take off, to prevent all the security material (or more likely wine bottles) from falling out. And 10 minutes into the flight she goes round with candy with the advice “this will prevent your ears from hurting, the plane is not very stable”. And when you finally try to relax and want to push the back of your chair, the whole chair is moving and you find yourself seated, chair and all on you neighbour’s lap……I just love flying, don’t you?

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