You Heard It Here First: I’m Nervous

I’m meeting some very important people this weekend and I am very importantly nervous about it. What if they don’t like awkward weirdos with bizarre interests and an imaginary pet unicorn named Walter? What will I do???

My Grammy suggested I just smile a lot and look them in the eyes. Personally, I think smiling and staring at someone without saying anything makes you look like a really happy face-eater, but I could be wrong about that. Basically everyone else I’ve talked to suggested I just be myself but then that leads us back to the “awkward weirdo with bizarre interests and an imaginary pet unicorn named Walters” dilemma. Suddenly, everything I do seems strange and unlikable so I’m thinking of trying some new stuff. Here are a few of my brainstorming ideas to make very important people like me.

Are knock-knock jokes a thing people like? Because I could definitely come up with a few good knock-knock jokes.

How about just breaking the ice with a dance move? Is that endearing?

What about high-fives instead of hand-shakes? Does that make me seem cool like Fonzie? Because I frequently get referred to as a “Fozzie” (as in Bear as in the best muppet ever) but all my late night Happy Days watching would lead me to believe that being a “Fonzie” is better.

Other than that, I’m out of ideas. Help me my dear and faithful readers, you’re my only hope…. of not humiliating myself and ruining my whole life forever and forever.

55 thoughts on “You Heard It Here First: I’m Nervous

  1. I could let you bring Buffy to the meeting. If they say anything bad about walter Buffy will use her horn… her one magnificent glitter-encrusted horn…

      1. I’ll start prepping her… she doesn’t really take commands. She has to be persuaded with pom poms, girl dates, and cute boys… she can’t really be “wrangled” any other way. And no one wants to be on her bad side. (always keep some glitter in your pocket… it could save your life).

    1. I did. It went spectacularly! You’ll read all about it tomorrow…

      And no, Walter wasn’t hurt. Apparently he had a super cool unicorn party to attend. A party that I wasn’t invited to. Walter can be a real snob sometimes.

  2. Have you got any awesome shoes? In these situations I always try to find a pair of awesome shoes to wear – shows confidence without revealing the overly crazy. (An awesome hat would be over the top).

    Even if they don’t like me, every time I look down I think ‘Hehe, awesome shoes’ and don’t care. Shallow? Who cares?. I went to a slightly intimidating meeting with loads of high exec ladies where I felt right out of place recently and my shoes stole the show. I think maybe this only works with women though.

  3. You could try a new character perhaps? For example, you could do half the meeting as Pee Wee Herman, and the other half as The Godfather. I’d also suggest you tape a picture of Walter on a stick and every time there is an awkward moment you could hold it up and neigh like a horse. With that power combination, you’re bound to succeed!

  4. Just relax and act like you’ve got it all under control. Of course smiling is a must and not staring like you’re about to eat their faces mustn’t be on your list. If you think you’re cool and relax they’ll think so too.
    Also I don’t see how your imaginary pet can come into conversation unless someone says corn and you immediately think corn, corn, unicorn, did i feed my unicorn this morning (out loud).

    Nah you’ll do great πŸ˜€

  5. “Personally, I think smiling and staring at someone without saying anything makes you look like a really happy face-eater”…… LOL!! You crack me up! You will be fine! πŸ™‚ Just be yourself, in a muted way at least, and only introduce Walter if you feel he will be met with smiles and not fear πŸ˜‰ Good Luck!

  6. beck16 says:

    I say be yourself! You’re hilarous, what’s not to like?! πŸ™‚
    I’m sure your imaginary pet unicorn named Walter is just as cool as you are!

  7. I’d give you advice, but it would be a case of the bland leading the blonde so to speak. To prove it I’ll leave you with a story from the king of awkward social interaction:

    25 some-odd years ago, I went ALONE to meet with my girlfriends parents who had only met me once previously yet were firmly determined to believe that I was Satan. An opportunity to get things ironed out between us, as it were.

    While driving two blocks from their home, I spilled the bottle of Pepsi that I was drinking right on my crotch. I had to untuck my shirt to conceal the big wet spot in my lap as I sat before the Inquisitors in the Comfy Chair (no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, you know…).

    My Wife and I celebrate our 25th Anniversary this coming January, and I’m pretty sure at this point that her parents like me better than they do her πŸ™‚ So you see, if someone as hapless as myself can manage to persevere and emerge victorious – someone as delightful as yourself has nothing to fear.

    Let us know how it goes….

  8. I’m exactly not the person who should give you any advice on this one. We’ve only just met our neighbors and I’m pretty sure I’ve accidentally convinced them I’m a meth dealing hooker with a heart of gold. They don’t seem too impressed with the heart of gold part 😦

    1. If a heart of gold doesn’t win them over, I don’t know what would. I mean, would they prefer a meth dealing hooker with no morals?! Sheesh. You just can’t please some people.

  9. “If one is nervous there’s nothing like having your face towards the danger, and something warm and solid at your back.” -The Horse and His Boy.

  10. Tammy says:

    I like amonikabyanyuvva’s advice! You’re such a doll, really, that if it doesn’t work out that things are not extremely awkward, then it wasn’t meant to be. Don’t worry about blowing it. Really. If for some reason it doesn’t happen, then you wouldn’t want to force it because in retrospect you’ll see it wasn’t the plan. If I ran into you at an important event, I’d be like, “Sistah!!!!” If that doesn’t happen, they don’t deserve you!

  11. heres my idea, pick the most interesting looking person, ask them about themselves and just end up being fascinated, that way you forget all about your self consciousness and just ask interesting questions! Result!! Even people you don’t think will be interesting will surprise you.

  12. I like to bribe people in that situation with mini Chic-Fil-A biscuits. Nobody can resist those and they will be putty in your hands. Mark my words.

  13. Look, when you aren’t overthinking it (as women are wont to do) you like you. How could you not; you’re awesome. And Captain Thoughtful likes you, even though he apparently knows all about your propensity for social awkwardness and Fozzie dance moves and imaginary pet unicorn named Walter and your overthinking nature.

    And (OK, I could be mis-extrapolating who these mysterious important people are but I’ll wing it anyway) if HE likes the real you, and he’s happy with you, then they will like you too. Or at least they will suspect disbelief long enough to get to know you and like you.

    Breathe. And good luck.

      1. All except the part where I meant to say “suspend disbelief.” Which is what happens because I am too addicted to your blog to leave for work on time, and then I’m all hurrying when I leave my comments. (Yes, I am apparently blaming you for my mis-type, and possibly for my occasional lack of office productivity. But in a really, really good way.) Let us know how it went, OK?

      2. You should always feel free to blame lack of office productivity on me- it’s a source of pride for me. πŸ˜‰

        Also, it went really really exceptionally well. You’ll find out all about it tomorrow. πŸ™‚

  14. Steven S. Walsky says:

    I suggest you arrive in costume, and since they are β€˜important,’ SpongeBob would show: happiness with yourself (confidence); a sense of humor (always important with important people); adventuresome (not afraid to tackle life’s situations); creativity; a good work ethic (make sure you carry the magic spatula –Walter can get you one); knowing how to deal with difficult people (like Captain Krabs); and negotiation skils (you do get Roger to go along with anything you want to do); oh, and Roger as a friend shows you have compassion.

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