Poisonous Mutant Spiders Aren’t My *Favorite* Thing About Living In Texas.

I’ve been bitten y’all. Bitten by a poisonous mutant spider from hell and not in the good “now I get to be spider-woman” type of way,  but more in the “I thought my leg was going to fall off and maybe I was going to die” type of way. Luckily, I was with my ICU Nurse sister all weekend and I kept making her look at the bite and she kept saying things like “Yes. It’s a spider bite. It looks normal.” and then when I would show her again 20 minutes later when the bite was clearly trying to consume my entire leg with otherwordly poison she would say things like “You’re overreacting. It looks exactly the same. I’m a nurse, why don’t you believe me when I tell you that it looks normal?” And I’ll tell you why I didn’t believe her, because she doesn’t even acknowledge that poisonous mutant spiders from hell exist. So, obviously, she would have a hard time recognizing one of their bites since she doesn’t even think that poisonous mutant spiders from hell are a thing.

Anyway, the poisonous mutant spider from hell bite (which I at first thought might be a bot fly bite which is a type of bite where the bot fly lays it’s eggs in you and then a worm hatches in your body) is healing pretty well but I think that’s just due to the tenacity with which I am willing to fight off poisonous hell-based infections. The poisonous mutant spider from hell bite did make me realize that maybe the fact that lots of poisonous insects and snakes live in Texas isn’t exactly my favorite thing about living here. The BBQ  and Tex-Mex sure do make up for it though.

 

26 thoughts on “Poisonous Mutant Spiders Aren’t My *Favorite* Thing About Living In Texas.

  1. Your poisonous mutant spider bite sounds a lot like my staph bump from Hell. The one that started as a small bump and in three days took over the upper third of the back of my thigh, made me walk with a cane and sit on one butt cheek and wear loose dressed. The one that I had to be sedated for them to touch, numb and drain.

  2. I guess the good news is your sister is not all about torturing you…imagine if she told you it needed to be amputated! But you seem to have a nice sister that won’t pull your leg : D

  3. “”If you must know, when I was three, Fred turned my – my teddy bear into a great big filthy spider because I broke his toy broomstick… You wouldn’t like it either if you’d been holding your bear and suddenly it had too many legs and… ” -Ron Weasley

  4. Ah, now you’re catching on, GotC! I know you like the weather, too, but…c’mon! Look what’s happening! I’m glad you’re okay and no worms are growing in your body. Also, I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to eat and drink whatever you want during the healing process. So that’s a bonus.

  5. Of course, she wasn’t concerned…it wasn’t her leg that had been savagely attacked by a malicious spider. I hope you fully recover to write again!

  6. Katherine Kelley says:

    I hate spiders. I got bitten a couple years ago and was sick for nearly a month from it. Later that same summer, a bunch of spiders freakin’ hatched IN my boyfriend’s car and used my foot for a snack. Now I can’t stand them.

  7. Your courage in the face of such frightening adversity is a testament to your grit (not grits) and refusal to be felled by anything remotely mutant, let alone in the arachnid family. Bravo – and I dare any alien spiders to mess with you again. No I don’t – better they should leave you alone.

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