For Really Real, I’m A Blogger.

This is the girl who is blogging about you. For real yo. She’s standing on a crocodile and she’s blogging about you. That’s just how she rolls.

Whenever I meet new people, I always try to work it in to the conversation that I’m a blogger. Not because I’m bragging but because I think it’s fair warning. You know, like how people used to fire warning shots around your feet before they shot you in the face.

You see, I WILL blog about them. I mean, if they do something funny, or weird, or awkward, or inappropriate, I’m going to blog about it. So, it’s only fair for me to warn them so they can censor themselves if they want to. The best part? They never censor themselves. Not ever. Usually I get a patronizing or snarky response like “Oh? You’re a blogger? That’s cute.” or “You blog? Who doesn’t?” Β and I love those response because they’re basically saying “You should totally blog about the really stupid and embarrassing thing I’m about to do.” and then when I do blog about that stupid and embarrassing thing they did they can’t even be mad at me because they practically begged me to blog about them. It’s science.

It’s like how cops have to tell you they’re cops if you ask. I HAVE to tell people I’m a blogger in order to protect their rights, but if they choose to ignore that information then I’m pretty much obligated to blog about the things they do that make me laugh. Again, it’s science.

You know something? I think blogging has made me a lot better at science.

30 thoughts on “For Really Real, I’m A Blogger.

  1. I do the same thing with my column:

    I’ve been writing it for over seven years now and when I tell people they better watch out what they tell me, cuz it might appear in a column, they tell me even more. Now people tell me stuff and actually say to me…”hey you should put that in your column.” Too funny.

    Both my stories in my blog Murky Waters here at WP:
    are actual stories from persons I’ve known or persons who have shared their stories with me. Please take a look when you get a minute.

  2. No one is safe from ‘bloggers’; we stalk and prowl on people acting like ‘people’. With Youtube, twitter, smartphones with viceo, and bloogers; random acts of stupidity live on in perpetuity, like re-runs of wheel of fortune.

    Enjoyed this!

  3. And when people say, “Oh everybody blogs.” (The whole “you’re nothing special” deal?) doesn’t it make you want to clarify that no…you are actually good at it.

  4. So I’m taking this to mean we have some pretty embarrassing stories about d-bags on the way? Not that it could get any better than that croc picture! πŸ™‚

    1. Haha! Thanks! I’m actually contemplating writing about something that happened a few weeks ago at a wedding but I can’t decide if it’s really funny or really pathetic and sad….

  5. Oh honey I tell people I’m a writer and I have a blog. They better believe if they’re not careful they will end up in a post. It’s the beauty of writing about real life. That’s my story anyway. πŸ™‚

  6. People can’t resist. Even when you warn them. It’s like a “Wet Paint” sign. A certain number of people will be unable to resist touching a finger to whatever it’s on.

    Like the pic πŸ™‚ I think when you are crowned queen of Westeros, we should have a parade where you ride along standing on the back of the Crocodile waving to your adoring subjects.

    BTW, the police don’t have to tell you they are the police, even if you ask them flat out. Common misconception. They are perfectly free to lie to you about all manner of things, both in casual conversation and in interrogations/official interviews. Good thing to keep in mind.

    1. Wowza! I had no idea! Of course, most of my knowledge comes from bad television shows. Thanks for telling me, you just might have saved me getting in a lot of trouble. πŸ˜‰

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