I’ve been on a few airplanes lately and I’m really not the best flyer in the world. I don’t freak out or anything, at least not that anyone would notice. All my freaking out is internal and mostly just involves me closing my eyes and trying to talk myself out of picturing the plane crashing. I’m pretty good at calming myself down, but it doesn’t help when the pilot says this on the intercom…
“Good evening folks. The magic boxes in front of me indicate we will be arriving at our destination on time.”
Um….”magic box”. MAGIC BOX???!! Can I please get a pilot who relies on more than magic to fly the plane? Sure, I know he was trying to be funny and usually I would really appreciate that, but not when we are thousands of miles in the air and aren’t issued parachutes. I need a pilot who refers to all the airplane equipment by their technical names and maybe also cites statistics on how safe flying is to alleviate people’s fears. And also sounds like James Earl Jones. I would feel a lot more reassured about flying if the voice of Mufasa was telling me how safe it was.
I mean, at what point is it reasonable for me to panic? If it’s not when your pilot refers to his equipment as “magic boxes” then I don’t know when it is. All I’m saying is, if he wants to joke around, at least let me bring a parachute on board. Or make the booze free. Otherwise, I’m panicking.