I Can Never Order Pizza Again.

I love pizza y’all. More specifically, I love pizza from Mr. Gatti’s pizza in Austin. And even more specifically, I love Mr. Gatti’s pepperoni rolls. They are like carbohydrate and saturated fat filled rolls of crack. I’m addicted. So addicted, that last night I ordered them for the second time this week and about the fifth time in the last two weeks. Unfortunately, I keep getting the same delivery guy which is awkward because this guy totally knows how frequently I binge eat pepperoni rolls and that’s very intimate information for a stranger to have about you. Usually, I can handle this awkwardness with grace and a large tip, last night however, the awkwardness took a nasty turn.

Me: Hi. 

Pizza Guy: Really? Pepperoni rolls again?

Me: Uh…yeah….I really love those things. 

Pizza Guy: You’re going to have to work really hard to burn all these calories off. 

Me: Uh…..

Pizza Guy: Wasn’t I just here Tuesday?

Me: Yes. I guess I can’t order from y’all anymore. I’m so embarrassed. 

Pizza Guy: Yeah right. I’m sure I’ll see you Saturday night. 

I can never order pizza again. That pizza guy ruined my taste for pizza or pepperoni rolls forever. Or, you know, until Saturday.

70 thoughts on “I Can Never Order Pizza Again.

  1. So…if this stuff is as crack-like as it sounds, you might have to get a delivery boy schedule to find out how to time your deliveries just right to avoid repeat drivers…heh.

    The food in Austin rules, btw. I remember hitting up “Juan in a Million” and LOVING it…

      1. Better to seem creepy than to give up deliciousness!!! Also, you’ll still know you’re(supposing here) not creepy…it’ll be ok…

  2. cooper says:

    Pepperoni pizza….nectar of the Gods. Screw the pizza guy…well, not literally of course (unless he’s really hot and promises you a life of riches, leisure and limitless pepperoni rolls)….order away!!!!

  3. That is just terrible – funny the way you write it, but sucky, just the same. I’m glad you’re able to turn assholes into blog fodder, though! Some people are just oblivious about how they sound, or even about common politeness. Until someone says something inappropriate to them, of course.

  4. kiwibee says:

    Wow. When I was working at a chip stand I would have customers come in every day that I felt fairly confident would die of a heart attack on the floor, but I never commented on their diet. I’d keep ordering the rolls, but ask for a different delivery guy – and explain why.

  5. Alisha says:

    How rude! Something similar happened to me. After I went off to sho in a smaller Wisconsin town that had no Noodles in Company, I went home a weekend and got it almost immediately with my friend. I ordered a large bowl of my favorite, the penne rose with feta thinking that would be enough, but I went back for a second bowl of it after I inhaled the first. The same male server gave me the same judgment.

  6. what a jerk… don’t let Mr. “I work as a pizza delivery guy, part time as a snoop” ruin the pizza rolls for you – they sound freaking delicious!

  7. Katebo says:

    I would’ve been PISSED. And I would’ve said “Here’s your tip: don’t insult customers” and closed the door in his face. (That’s a lie. But I would’ve wanted to!!)

  8. OMG. Did he really say that? Talk about shooting yourself in the foot, dude! What a jacka*s. Don’t you dare give up those pizza rolls. They sound amazing, even by my snooty NJ pizza standards.

    1. Had to drop in before I forget to tell you — Peppermeister put a dash of ghost pepper in our chili the other night, and got a ghost pepper brownie from a nearby pepper farm, and neither were that bad! The brownie was spicier, in a warm, creep-up-on-you way, but it wasn’t out-of-control hot!

  9. Sometimes I wonder if the delivery people think this when I get really lazy and order out multiple days in a row. To avoid it, I have a list of about ten different delivery places that I rotate as needed, lol.

  10. deborahdurand says:

    oh wow. that jerk should never have pizza-shamed you. He very well could have lost a paying customer for saying crap like that! What business is it of his what food you eat and when???

  11. Don’t give up so easy… Pepperoni Rolls must not be denied.

    1. Fake moustache and glasses when you answer the door.

    2. Alternate getting your Mr. Gatti’s fix with Double Daves Pizza pepperoni rolls (they rock). It’s like when celebrities “Doctor Shop” for prescription meds, and there’s no national database they can use to catch on to your scheme.

    3. Plan ahead. When I was going to A&M, we would go to Double Daves for the buffet about once a week. Mrs. Paladin always brought her giant purse with a gallon ziplock bag hidden inside. Pepperoni Rolls for a week! 🙂 Being a poor college student forces resourcefulness.

    1. 1. I love this idea, it will definitely be tried.

      2. I’m thinking I might just try ordering from a different Mr. Gatti’s because there isn’t a Double Daves close to me anymore.

      3. Mrs. Paladin sounds like my kind of woman.

  12. I had this issue with chinese, but i was lucky to have 2 places nearby so i could switch back & forth & it didnt look so bad. Oh, and pizza guy probly is leaving out : “you’re not the only one thats addicted” .

  13. “I suppose, like all humans, you won’t eat natural food like grass and oats.”
    “I can’t.”
    “Ever tried?”
    “Yes, I have. I couldn’t get it down at all. You couldn’t either if you were me.”
    “You’re rum little creatures, you humans.”
    -Bree and Shasta, The Horse and His Boy.

  14. laurengraceevans says:

    Is there no where else to get those pepperoni rolls from? Because it sounds like a tragic loss if that pizza guy is your only source.
    Also, must inquire about where you get those awesome vintage poster thingys from?!

  15. I REALLY hope you didn’t tip tht rude a**hole. I share an addiction to pizza. I loves muh pizza. I blame the TMNT. (Bonus points if you know this acronym) I had a delivery guy that would pull this same B.S. where he’d act like he’d never been to my building so will I “just come down to the lobby and get it.” First time I said sure. When he tried to play dumb again I said, ” I sure can…” Grabbed the pizza and handed him exact change. Lol muahaha

  16. How rude! He is a bad, bad man (aside from the bringing you food part of things).

    I also find unexpected intimacy with takeaway staff awkward. My husband walks home past the Chinese takeaway most Friday nights and buys us dinner on the way home. This I knew. What I did not know is that while the food is cooking, he talks to the staff about me. One day I went in with him and the girl on the desk (who I’d barely spoken to before) asked me all sorts of questions about how my car was driving (she named the make and model), how the changes at my work were going and how my cats were doing!

    While it’s nice that my husband doesn’t hide that he’s married when he talks to young women, perhaps I’d like it if he shared a little less information!

  17. Jessica says:

    Same thing happened to me. What is surprising is that the delivery guys don’t realize that they are losing future tips by making the comment.

  18. Where is the priest-like secrecy of the delivery trade? You should be able to trust discretion in hairdressers, doctors and the people who see you buy donuts every morning. What is happening to our humanity?!

  19. Ha! This pizza guy is clearly incapable of experiencing the simple joy a pizza can bring and he’s probably jealous that pepperoni rolls are enough to make you happy on a Saturday night! You should offer him teachings on “how to enjoy your life” or something 😉

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