I was thinking the other day about how doctors get to say “Hi my name is Doctor McDoctorson, M.D.” or “My name is Doctor McDoctorson, Ph.D.” or rich people get to say “My name is Richy McRicherson, Esquire.” And I was thinking it might be really cool if everyone got to have a title but it was just something factual about their life instead of some kind of accolade. Also, I think doing it that way would really go a long way in solving the have v. have-not situation. I mean, obviously it wouldn’t solve the entire problem but it would be like a really good starting place. It’s the perfect mix of individualism and communism because everyone get their very own unique title but no one’s title is necessarily better than anyone else’s. I expect the government to be contacting me about this shortly. In the meantime, here are a few titles I’m thinking of for myself.
Girl on the Contrary, sleeps on her side.
Girl on the Contrary, likes watermelon.
Girl on the Contrary, flosses regularly.
Girl on the Contrary, gives lots of high-fives.
Girl on the Contrary, likes jelly beans.
Girl on the Contrary, tells jokes.
Girl on the Contrary, sings showtunes in the morning.
For real this time, I’m like 97% sure this idea is going to earn me a Nobel peace prize. But don’t worry, even after I win that prestigious award, I’ll still just be Girl on the Contrary, sleeps on her side. (And also she won a Nobel peace prize).
What would you like your title to be?