Vote For Me For Friend 2012

 

Ballot

There is a big election this year and I would like to submit my name for the prestigious office of Friend. Why should you vote for me?

I make delicious cupcakes

I’m a bee/wasp/yellow-jacket/anything with stingers magnet. If it’s around it will sting me, leaving you to enjoy your time outdoors in peace without worry. I take the stings for you.

I’m really good at impersonating people.

I always order dessert at restaurants so you don’t have to feel bad if you want to order dessert too.

It’s not hard to make me laugh. I will make you feel like you’re hilarious.

I’m good at mocking things and people when the situation calls for it.

I will never forget your birthday.

When things are awkward, I’m at my best. You will come to appreciate this greatly.

I’m a blast to have on a road trip.

 

Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to distinguished service as your Friend.

63 thoughts on “Vote For Me For Friend 2012

  1. Love this post! I think being fun on a road trip is great. I’m the person who can’t stay awake in the car. I start nodding off after a half hour. I’m convinced I have some form of narcalepsy that reserves itself for car rides.

  2. Those are good qualities for a friend to posses. Unfortunately you just missed my last round of friend-auditions. They were (of course) held at the Bela Fleck and the Flecktones concert (duh, right?). I’ll let you know if I hold any more auditions.

  3. I think we should steer clear from each other. I too am a sting magnet ever since the attempted genocide of multiple colonies of bees and wasps at my former place of employment. It’s like wherever I go, they can still smell the blood and don’t seem to care that I was only following orders. You still get my vote though, for lack of a second candidate.

  4. Corey says:

    hmmm a vote for GotC is a vote you can trust.

    but

    A vote for Pedro is a vote for B- comedies…

    GotC for the win!

    1. I’m not much of a mosquito magnet but I’ve known to be bitten a time or two. I will share but only a few bites. I only stop to use the bathroom when it’s time to eat or get gas. 😉

  5. “…I know not whether you are my friend or my foe, but I should count it my to my honour to have you for either. Has not one of the poets said that a noble friend is the best gift and a noble enemy the second best?” -Emeth, the Last Battle.

  6. you have my vote for sure, for the bee and wasp aspect alone. i mean, who couldn’t use a stinging insect magnet when out and about? although also in my consideration would be your mocking ability. i adore that in a friend. that way, i’m not the only nasty bastard in the group. and i never order dessert, but i might take a taste of yours, assuming of course that you win, and become my friend.

    great post.

  7. OMG….you had me at cupcakes ! I’m obsessed with finding the perfect way to decorate them for every occassion (I’ve made animals, beaches, wizard of oz…). Oh, tip about the wasp thing, it happened to me for an entire summer. It was so bad I couldnt even get to my car..Then a friend noticed that the perfume I was wearing was a floral based. I stopped using it, it got much better. I make sure I dont use ANYTHING even slightly floral scented (even laundry detergent – NO!). But I also read that certain bloodtypes attract bugs more, so it may just be dumb luck.

  8. Ah, now I see why you’re concerned that any wasps might be trackker-jacks. I had been thinking that as long as you left the nest alone you’d be OK, but now I understand you’re a sting magnet it does seem a more serious concern. You’d better find out now what leaves you need to treat trakker-jack stings and start cultivating those plants now!

  9. In an election season where the candidates – all of them – are leaving me feeling like someone faced with a choice between being punched in the face or kicked in the nards….. I can’t tell you how great it is to find a candidate that I can enthusiastically endorse!

    I know you must be thinking that should I have some valuable advice to share that might help your campaign. After all, you hear all the time that some person or another “couldn’t get elected Dog Catcher”, and yet I’ve managed to hold that position for 17 years. As impressive as that accomplishment is, I wouldn’t change a thing in your platform, GotC.

    FOUR MORE YEARS!

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