Koalas Are Still BEARS. Be Safe When Snuggling.

koala bears

Have you ever wanted to snuggle a koala? I realize that’s a silly question, because obviously of course you have.  But you guys, don’t forget that koalas are still bears. And by “bear” I mean they are marsupials that aren’t really bears but oh my gosh we need to call them bears because of their sharp sharp claws! That’s right, they have claws. Like lions. And tigers. And…well…bears.

But don’t worry too much, if you are attacked by a koala bear while snuggling, the police will totally find the koala who did it because they have fingerprints and almost never wear gloves when accidentally attacking people while snuggling. They’re also super easy to catch because they sleep 16-18 hours a day. So, there is a very good chance your koala attacker will be caught and brought to trial. Although, who could really convict a koala bear of anything but cuteness?

In other news, I can’t decide whether I know too much or too little about koala bears.


50 thoughts on “Koalas Are Still BEARS. Be Safe When Snuggling.

  1. Uh oh, Aussie Faux Pas. They aren’t bears – us foreigners just call them bears. They get oddly sensitive about it – especially the zoo keepers.

    Plus, during during their waking hours all they do is “nom, nom, nom”

  2. Sadly you’re only likely to find them napping in zoos now days. Do be careful of them falling out of trees though and hitting you on the head. Nasty that.

  3. LOL When you first asked the question, all I could see were those giant claws! Although there really is nothing cuter than a baby koala (erm, do they have a special name? I hope you know. If not, you do not know enough about koalas ;)) in its mother’s arms.

  4. Ok, you have convinced me to avoid snuggling with koalas but what about sloths? While sloths are not as cute as koalas it might make for a good alternative. I imagine a sloth attack would be in such slow motion I could have a reaction before the original action was completed. 🙂

  5. stevesw says:

    No, never thought about snuggling with a koala…and, after reading this post I will be careful to even shake hands.

  6. I have a koala stuffed animal. Thank you for the warning.
    I will keep an eye on that guy …. snuggling is now down to a minimal. Do you think it would be inhumane to file them down? I will paint them with a springish color.

  7. I’d say you know an awful lot more than me. My knowledge of Koalas is limited to this:

    They smell of wee*

    * This may or may not be true. A friend told me that they smelt when he held them, he may have lied.

  8. Had a random dream about koalas last night ?

    Maybe you can help me with my polar bear issue…..genuinely worried about them and all this warm weather. So Im thinking if all of us with swimming pools adopt just one cub we could save many of them….and if we raise them from cubs, they wont eat us when they reach 8 feet tall. Right ?

    1. Surprisingly, I didn’t.

      Hmmm, that’s a tough one. I share your concern for them, but my guess is that they might still hurt us accidentally- like I imagine polar bear rough-housing is probably too rough for us weak humans. Also, I’m not sure the polar bear would like Texas weather much.

  9. Excellent public service announcement raising public awareness of the dangers of koala cuddle maulings!

    You’re probably too young to have seen it, unless it was in re-runs, but I blame the TV show “Grizzly Adams” for an entire generation of well meaning (yet clueless) urban dwellers being unexpectedly ambushed by wildlife. In the show, a reclusive mountain man made friends with all the wildlife because they could “sense” that he meant them no harm. His best friend was a giant grizzly bear.

    Grizzly Adams always seemed to have a pot of tasty stew bubbling over the fire, though, that he would offer the occasional (every week) guest star that would wander by. They would eat the stew and marvel at his oneness with nature. Oh, if we could all only follow his example and live peacefully with all God’s Creatures….

    Makes one wonder how Mr. Adams got the meat for his stew and the buckskin/furs for his clothing when the cameras weren’t rolling 🙂

    1. Oh, I’ve seen Grizzly Adams and even as a youngster I wondered what happened when he and the bear had a disagreement (as all friends do). Or, what if the bear had a bad day at work and then lashed out at Grizzly on accident? Or what if Grizzly accidentally startled the bear? I feel like that friendship could only have ended tragically. That’s probably why it’s not on TV anymore.

  10. I feel SO much better knowing that the koala police are on patrol…True, I don’t live in Australia, but one never knows when an errant koala may show up in the background ostensibly looking for a snuggle but with an ulterior motive in its heart.

  11. Perhaps they could be registered- like sex offenders. “Mr and Mrs Phillips, we don’t wish to alarm you, but we’re going door to door to let you and your neighbors know that the new tenant at 502 is indeed a koala…..’

  12. “…but you must remember not to suck your paws.”
    “Of course not,” said the Bear, in a very shocked voice.
    “Why, you’re doing it this minute!” bellowed Trumpkin.
    The Bear whipped his paw out of his mouth and pretended he hadn’t heard. (Prince Caspian).

  13. Whether you know too much or too little, you taught me something new! 16-18 hours of sleep? Not only do I want to snuggle with it, but I’m jealous of a Koala Bear, too. Although, now that you’ve mentioned the claws thing, I’m thinking 16 hours of snuggling with claws hooked into my back is less than appealing.

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