Code Name: Blog Post


I like to give things code names. Why? Because I can, yo. Also, when you use code names people feel like you are really mysterious (or insane) and they are all like “Whoa. GotC has got a LOT of things going for her. She is a balla in the world of humor blogging, she totally dominates trivia games (so true), and now she’s got this whole woman of mystery thing working for her. I want to be just like her when I lose my mind.” Dare to dream kids. Dare to dream.

Because I think highly of everyone who reads this blog (except you, guy who doesn’t follow my hilarious Twitter posts….you know who you are), I’m going to let you in on some of my favorite code names. You’re welcome but really, the best way to thank me is to nominate me for something with a cash prize. Just sayin.

I need a prozac – Means I need to be out in the sun. I believe that the sun is nature’s prozac. Also, people who don’t get this one sometimes feel sorry for me and buy me ice-cream, even though I would totally have preferred a sno-cone but I don’t want to be ungrateful.

I have to use the little girls room– Means I’m totally bailing on whatever it is I’m doing. Best used on a bad date or in a bad meeting. They think you went to the restroom but really you ran like hell. Besides, I would never, ever, say “little girls room” for restroom – it makes me think of women who wear all pink and bows and have like 12 cats and also cross-stitch threatening messages on pillows they send to their ex-boyfriends. I don’t even know how to cross-stitch.

I’m grouchy because I’m hungry. This one can be confusing because occasionally I am grouchy due to hunger but I use it most frequently when I’m giving an excuse for being rude to someone who is annoying me. What it really means is “You’re annoying as hell but I can’t tell you that right now.”

Let me process that. Used frequently in business situations, it means I need time to think of a nice way to tell you your idea is terrible. Or it means that I’m mad about something but haven’t figured out how to express that without using curse words and pepper spray.

I can’t tell you anymore without swearing you into my secret society.  If you would like to be a member of my secret society simply email me for an application. We also have a handshake.

70 thoughts on “Code Name: Blog Post

  1. kamrynwhowanders says:

    I use “I’m not a huge fan of that” to mean anything from mild irritation to deep, boiling hatred without being offensive. Like, my grandmother will hold up a shirt that is so, so ugly and say “I think this would really look cute on you!” and I’ll say, “I don’t know, I’m not really a huge fan,” and then continue looking at the cute clothing side of the store.

  2. This was a funny post! Whenever I’m engaging in a conversation and others are around that shouldn’t hear the conversation, I always so “I’m acoustically challenged”. Works wonders when you’re on the phone and the person you’re talking shit about is right next to you. Thanks so much for sharing!

  3. Love the post!

    We have family code here. When I need quiet time I say “I’m taking a nap” and close my door. That means mommy is on the verge of cracking.

    Mount Vesuvius means dads about to lose it

    Toxbomb is the dog passing wind

    We have many more. Sounds like great blog material for a later date.

  4. I love your codes, and you made me realize I have absolutely no codes. I needs some codes! I would use some of yours, but my memory is like a sieve anymore, and I’d have to write them in my hand just to remember them myself. Which kind of defeats the whole “secret code” thing…

  5. Love this post. Some of my own:

    -“Code Pink”= “spouse is calling”

    -“Goes to their church”- A very good friend of mine who is gay used to communicate to her partner (and obviously to me at some point) whether they thought someone in public was gay. Being straight, I almost felt a little dirty knowing that code but after a while it made me chuckle to see it in action.

    -“Defcon 5”- message to my other colleagues that our office staff, all of whom happen to be ladies, have had some blowup amongst themselves. So, in true peacemaker boss fashion, I have to go in there and negotiate like it’s the Cuban Missile Crisis.

  6. My secret code phrase: I need a moment.

    You can use it to excuse yourself from anything and anyone. You can use it to shut someone up. You can use it when you have nothing witty to say but want to LOOK like you’re thinking of something spectacular. You can use it when you have to use the bathroom. You can use it when you need to go rummage in the fridge for something to eat. Best of all, you can use it when a guy hits on you in a bar and you’ve had too much to drink. It gives you just enough time to blink a few times and make sure he’s as cute as your vodka is telling you he is. 🙂

  7. Sorry. Didn’t know you were on twitter. Also, I’m not sure whether I should be flattered that you noticed I wasn’t following you or scared that you noticed I wasn’t following you.

  8. Talking of code names…
    “Look here,” said Edmund, “need we go by the same way that our Dear Little Friend came?”
    “No more of that, your Majesty, if you love me,” said the Dwarf.
    “Very well,” said Edmund, “May I say our D.L.F.?”
    “Oh Edmund,” said Susan, don’t keep on at him like that!”
    “That’s all right, lass-I mean, your Majesty,” said Trumpkin with a chuckle. “A jibe won’t raise a blister.”
    And after that they often called him the DLF until they’d almost forgotten what it meant.
    -Prince Caspian

  9. Take care was a phone conversation sign off I used to use to give guys the boot. Meaning get the hell out of my life and take care you don’t come back.
    I heard myself say it yesterday when someone wished me a good night when leaving work. And mentally I thought “no, I don’t mean “that”

  10. Oh dude. I totally used “let me process that” like a week before quitting my last job. That is exactly what I meant. Funny. Thank you for translating my own code ;P 🙂

  11. I like all these. As a husband/father, my most often used one is “We’ll see.” – Which my Daughter and Mrs. Paladin would no doubt agree means “probably not gonna happen.”

    I’d like to apply for membership in the secret society. I dig the idea of secret signals, forbidden texts, and odd rituals where someone (not me) wears funny hats…. but I’m conflicted. I’ve long sided with Groucho Marx in that I don’t care to belong to any club that would have me as a member 🙂

  12. Brilliant post! I always knew you were one of mine 🙂 I have so many of those that most people just dont get me…which I enjoy a lot I must say 😉 Loved the “I need Prozac” one so I am officially adopting it! I hope you haven’t copyrighted yet.

  13. Hahaha, when i read ‘I have to use the little girl’s room’ i totally thought of a woman in pink with lots of cats. Not the cross stitch thing though, which i think would be great. I personally would love to see something passive agressive stitched on a pillow 🙂 haha xx

  14. Love it. Especially the last one. I often say ‘I might’. It then depends whether people push on and lose the opportunity of me saying yes (accompanied with: ‘don’t disappoint yourself’) or actually let me think and could strike lucky if I do not forget. I don’t really have business situations, I should add.

  15. nice post 🙂
    This is true. The first time I visited your blog and found there were hundreds of replies/comments and I was (still am) jealous of your fan followings 🙂 [this is a frank confession]. But as I went ahead reading your posts, I figured why that is the scenario. You write brilliantly. Yes, you do 🙂

    And by the bye, can “I need a prozac” also mean – “I need a breather”??

    Also, I would love to be a member of your Secret Society 🙂

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