Obviously, at some point, someone is going to write a biography about me. It will probably be “unauthorized” and it will probably just be me writing about myself under a pseudonym. Anyway, here are some things you can expect to read in that biography.
She listened to too much Beyonce, she thought that she “run the world” and was constantly trying to remind us she was “so hood with this”. This can only be evidence of a severe self-esteem issue.
She ate too many tacos. This clearly reflects her Daddy issues. GotC had the best Dad in the world and that made her so happy she would eat tacos with raucous abandon. She was a happy eater and since she was almost always happy, she ate a lot. Mostly tacos, but sometimes other things as well.
Her deep love for her feminist icons Bette Midler and Margaret Sanger led her to write a song about birth control called “Birth Control Boogie” It failed to chart on Billboard.
It’s weird she liked Anne Boleyn so much.
In retrospect, when people called her “quirky” they should probably have said “delusional”
Her obsession with Titanic when she was 13 was disturbing and macabre on the best of days and should have had her committed on the worst of days.
Her effort to turn her life into a musical failed miserably but she never accepted that and died believing it was a complete success. Again, delusional.
She thought she was a really good dancer. She was average at best.
Her English accent was sub-par.
She had a very strange habit of wearing socks to bed because she loved how it felt when she kicked them off in the middle of the night. Obviously, she had commitment issues.
What will your biographer say about you? Hopefully your biographer is less snarky than mine. She was kind of harsh, no? I mean, sheesh, a lot of people had an obsession with Titanic, and I would like to have seen her bust even one of my stellar dance moves, also, my life turned musical was a roaring succes. So there.