GotC: Miss Piggy, I’m so glad you could be here today. Before we begin, I just want you to know how much I love and respect you.
Miss Piggy: Why thank you.
GotC: Ok, deep breath, I’m just going to dive right in. Miss Piggy, I am here because I care about you and I want you to be happy. I’m worried about you. The choices you’ve been consistently making have hurt you and consequently hurt those around you…
Miss Piggy: Wait one minute! Is this an imaginary intervention? I thought this was an imaginary interview.
GotC: Yes. This is an imaginary intervention.
Miss Piggy: And for what may I ask?!
GotC: Kermit is a terrible boyfriend. You need to break up with him immediately.
Miss Piggy: Kermie? Kermie is wonderful! He loves me!
GotC: I know you believe that, but it’s just not true. Kermit is a wonderful frog, don’t get me wrong, but he is the worst boyfriend in the world. He has never fully committed to you. He avoids your affection. And he only wants you when he thinks he can’t have you anymore.
Miss Piggy: Don’t you dare talk about my Kermie that way! Don’t think I won’t give you a HI-YA right in the ladybits.
GotC: I knew you would be upset, but just hear me out. Boyfriends should cherish you. They should enjoy spending time with you and be happy to accept your affection. They should be proud to call you their girlfriend in front of their friends, and they should always reciprocate your feelings when you express them.
Miss Piggy: Kermie is just shy he’s…..he’s……
GotC: He’s a terrible boyfriend. Admit it, he doesn’t make you happy. He plays hard to get all the time. It’s always a game with him, he love you, he loves you not. You’re a fierce female. You are beautiful, smarty, witty, and sexy as hell. You need someone consistent. Someone funny. Someone who will love you completely and without reservation.
Miss Piggy: Have any suggestions?
GotC: Fozzie Bear.
Miss Piggy: You have got to be kidding me.
GotC: Fair enough. But, Kermit is out as boyfriend, agreed?
Miss Piggy: I’ll take it under consideration.
GotC: That’s all I can ask.
Miss Piggy: Are you really not going to imaginary interview me?
GotC: That intervention really exhausted me.
Miss Piggy: Oh brother.
The credit for this imaginary intervention goes to my boyfriend. It was his idea for me to imaginary interview Miss Piggy- he really get’s me y’all. Also, he’s a total dreamboat who laughs at my jokes.