Warning: This post talks about tampons and menstruation. I hope it’s funny. If you’re not interested in taking a chance on a maybe funny post about periods then I will give you another topic to discuss in the comments section: Reality TV is it hilarious or horrific?
Guess what? I’m a young woman and that means I menstruate. Shocker! It’s really not that big of a deal except it means I’m capable of bringing new life into the world and that’s pretty freaking awesome. Unfortunately, when it comes to periods (and I’m not talking punctuation) people tend to focus on the monthly hemorrhaging that takes places. And yes, that aspect of it is unpleasant. Luckily for women today, we have an entire artillery of products to help make those periods just the slightest bit less unpleasant. One of those products is tampons. Yay tampons! If you’re a woman you know what I’m talking about, if you’re a man then suffice it to say that tampons make things easier for us ladies during visits from “Aunt Flow”.
Actually before I go on my tampon rant- I would like to say that there are like hundreds of ways women refer to their periods and while someone once pointed out to me that there were 3 slang terms for period for every 1 slang term for ejaculation and how that was just another example of society’s anti-woman stance, I have to be honest here, I think they’re lots of fun. Her point of course was that women feel the need to hide their natural bodily functions while men have no such concerns, but for me, it’s more about how thinking of code names for things is fun. I mean, I would much rather say “crimson wave” (Thanks Cher Horowitz!) than “menstruation” but that’s just me. It’s not about shame- it’s about trying to be more clever than everyone else.
So, you’ve probably seen tampon commercials. My guess is you’ve seen a lot of them. I know I have. And while I have always found them ridiculous, it wasn’t until recently that they started offending me. Not because they are almost all campy, unrealistic, and feature only thin and peppy young women (apparently they are the only ones entitled to “Happy periods”), but because they insult my intelligence. I mean, I’ve had my period for over a decade now. I’ve pretty much got it figured out, I know which products I like and which products I don’t. Sure, I’m willing to try something new, but you have to give me some real qualifiable information to convince me. And that is something all tampon commercials are short on- information. It’s lots of cheerleaders doing splits, and girls in white running through meadows, and most recently, snarky brunettes calling those other commercials ridiculous while being only slightly less ridiculous (Finally- a tampon that comes in box with an edgy design- *that’s* what I’ve been waiting for!). What I don’t hear much of is what those tampons will actually do for me. Is it more absorbant? It is less likely to give me toxic shock syndrome if I leave it in for more than 8 hours? Will it make me more qualified to recommend myself to strangers? Will it make all my PMS symptoms disappear? Will it enable me to become invisible? Seriously. These are questions that need answers. I need information. I need facts. I need science.
Apparently, facts and science is exactly the opposite of what tampon commercials think women understand or respond to. And that’s insulting. Listen, I know lots of market research goes into creating these commercials, so I’m sure the commercials were made with every intention of being most appealing to the targeted consumer, you know, women who menstruate, but I have to wonder what options were given for consideration. I mean, if asked to choose between a black box and a pink box, I would probably choose the black box. But if you told me that the black box was filled with the same old tampons and the pink box was filled with new and improved tampons that are more absorbant, more comfortable, and would do my laundry for me, then I would absolutely choose the pink box. It’s in the details people- it all about information.
Yeah– that’s right tampon advertisers, I want information. And I understand it. And I make most of my decisions based on solid amounts of it. In your face! Now, please stop making tampon commercials like this:
You see, you’re making fun of tampon commercials in a tampon commercial but you still didn’t tell me anything about your “new” tampons. All you showed me was a snarky brunette and your new “edgier” box design.I do very much appreciate your point about the blue liquid (because that’s ridiculous) but I also noticed you didn’t offer up any images of red liquid….so….not good enough Kotex. Not good enough.
Am I right, ladies?