Things And Other Things I Will Say When I Meet Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling has finally found me! And by me, I mean, he’s in the city of Austin and has yet to call/text/write/approach me in anyway other than in my imaginings. Nevertheless, I’m quite sure something (Was it my aura? My pheromones?) compelled him to come to Austin and seek out his romantic fortunes. Sure, the lamestream media claims he is here shooting a movie, but since when have they gotten anything right? So, because I’m such a flirtation failure, I decided to plan out all the things I want to say to Ryan when we finally star-crossedly meet, you know, so I don’t embarrass myself.

When he tries to leave town: It’s wasn’t over. It’s *still* not over! You see what I did there honeyanglebabycakes? I used your line from The Notebook to reference our romance. That’s how seriously I take our relationship. 

When he asks me for directions: I can give you directions to my heart. Spoiler alert- you’re already there. (winks)

When he remarks how odd it is that I keep showing up wherever he is: Hahahahahaha! You’re so funny. But seriously, what are we going to do about this…you know, me and you thing? It’s like animal attraction and pure Nicholas Sparks romance.

When we go to the movies together: What a *Drive*.  But, *All Good Things* take time. Wow, this theater is so packed you would think it was the *Ides of March*. I don’t mind though because I *Crazy, Stupid, Love* going to the movies. You should make a note of that, maybe write it in *The Notebook*. Ok, ok. I’ll stop using your movies in sentences, but be real though, you love it. 

When we inevitably and oh so sadly break-up (he was just *too* into me): Hey. Hey you with the tears in your eyes. Look at me. We had something incredibly special, no one is denying that, but a love like ours burns fast and bright baby. Like a comet. Comets do that right? Anyway, you’ll always hold a special place in my aorta. Ok? And hey, you’re still super hot, girls love you, you won’t have any trouble finding someone new. Sure, they will never live up to the impossible standard I’ve set but we all have our crosses to bear. Now, get back out there and try to love again. (Slaps him on the butt because, hey, it’s Ryan Gosling people)

You might think this doesn’t seem like a lot to say to Ryan Gosling but I’m really banking on the fact that we will be making-out most of the time therefore rendering conversation unnecessary.

What do you think I should say to Ryan Gosling?

26 thoughts on “Things And Other Things I Will Say When I Meet Ryan Gosling

  1. I think you’ve said it all already, LOL! ” I can give you directions to my heart. Spoiler alert- you’re already there. (winks)” <–That killed me!! I am taking notes for when Second Husband comes to NYC this holiday season (for his Broadway/polygamy debut).

  2. midsummerdreamsandwintertales says:

    I think you should let him know that his eyes are just a little too close together to be conventionally handsome and so he should stop taking his looks that seriously. I bet he looks pretty goofy when he just wakes up.

    (I bet no one’s said that yet–so you’d have a way in).

  3. Sounds like a solid plan. Please let him know that although I am a slightly chubby, almost married, mother of a toddler monster I am fully available for sloppy seconds.

  4. Well, for starters, you could say, “What, you’re in town and it took you this long to get in touch? That’s strike ONE, mister!”

    Later (presumably after making out for awhile), you could tell him you forgive him, though that will probably be optional since the making out might have implied forgiveness.

    After that, there probably won’t be any need to talk, because your souls (and other parts) will be communicating without any need for words.

    But, if somewhere in there you could remind him he still owes me fifty bucks, that’d be awesome. Thanks.

  5. hahahaha! Oh I think you’ve got it all down perfectly..I remember a post I did when I imagined bumping into Colin Farrell..unfortunately someone thought I was high on drugs..so I’d love to give you some pointers, but it just might not work out the way you would want it to ..lol

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