Really?! A Slutty Skunk?

Slutty Skunk
I bet she stinks.

What fresh hell is this? A slutty skunk? Really? That’s what you wanted to be for halloween? In all the world, your heart’s greatest desire was to pay $250 for a costume that makes you resemble a skunk prostitute? Ok. Fine.

Listen. I have absolutely no problem with you wanting to dress a bit more daring, even rique if you so choose and you’re an adult attending an adult function (Please, please, no more slutty skunks at kid centric events). Really, I get it. It’s kind of fun to let your wild side have a night out and halloween presents an excellent opportunity for it. I say go for it. If dressing up in a sexy costume and going out in public makes you feel carefree and beautiful, I have no problem with it. None at all. Other than these.

1. It’s October. Aren’t you cold?

2. Why are the only costumes available to women of the skank variety?

3. Animals. As my darling and ever pithy friend Mary put it “It’s taking anthropomorphism to a very bad place.”

Skunks stink. For reals. They are known for being stinky. What is sexy about that? Ok- I guess a case can be made for Pepe Le Pew being kind of sexy, I mean, he was pretty darn romantic and always looks like he’s wearing a tuxedo, but he is clearly the skunk exception and not the rule.

Pepe Le Pew

 

I simply can’t imagine what was going on in the brains of the ladies who chose to be a slutty skunk for halloween. Or can I?

What was going on in the head of this year’s batch of slutty skunks according to my imagination.

Finally, a costume that allows me to use the line “Let me put my stink on you.” without seeming gross and bizarre. 

This is the best costume ever-  I don’t even have to shower!

I can’t wait to hear all the bestiality jokes this costume will inspire!

With this costume, I’ll never have to apologize for farting. It’s totally implied and expected. 

If there is one thing the fellas like, it’s a girl dressed as a skunk. 

Am I taking crazy pills or are sexy animal costumes completely ridiculous??? As a point of reference, I was Zelda Fitzgerald for halloween.

28 thoughts on “Really?! A Slutty Skunk?

  1. I bookmarked your site a few weeks ago and then, I must admit, sort of forgot. Tonight I was going through the bookmarks, saw your site and decided to come and poke around. I chuckled through several posts, thoroughly enjoying myself, and then I got to this:

    “As a point of reference, I was Zelda Fitzgerald for halloween.”

    Sold!

    As my own point of reference, my cats are named Zelda (after Mrs.Fitzgerald) and Mrs.Parker (after Dorothy). And yes, I put hats on them for Hallowe’en (http://asalinguist.com/2011/10/31/happy-halloween/) but I swear I’m not crazy cat lady or anything. Yet.

    And I’m with you on the skanky skunk outfit. It’s at least six kinds of wrong.

  2. I saw a sexy wolf costume (basically that costume but completely grey) last night and she was rocking it. Girlfriend looked great. BUT the price tag on those costumes are over 200$. Soooo no thanks.

  3. great piece. but truth be told, zelda fitzgerald was a slutty sexy animal as well. but at least you had culture on your side.

    yes, slutty skunk, slutty rabbit (redundant), slutty kitten etc, are all examples of bad store-bought goods. a little face paint, some fabric, a basting stitch here and there and you can make anything. (well not a slutty polar bear, but hey).
    i totally get halloween for kids. it’s about the make-believe and the candy. adults, unless it’s an actual costume party, should let it be.

    p.s. i put on a suit and tie and went as a businessman. that, to me, is very scary……..
    LOL……just kidding.

    1. Zelda had quite the reputation as a flirt but certainly didn’t dress the part of a slut. All her sexiness was manifest in her personality.

      I love the idea of a costume party and wholeheartedly endorse dressing up however you like. I’m simply mystified that someone would try to sensualize a skunk is all.

  4. I might have to burst your bubble here. I don’t think that is a halloween costume. it looks to me like festival wear. Honest. it is very similar in the fun-fur wear that a lot of people wear to things like Burning Man, Shambahla, Astral Harvest, or Motion Notion (all very cool dance festivals). So… to use it at halloween as well makes sense (dual purpose).

    I think there is definately need to splice the slutty costumes from the kid costumes (omgosh it’s getting BAD) but there has to be sluts on halloween. Maybe it’s just me – but halloween wouldn’t be halloween without the sluts. I mean really, think about that. What would halloween look like without the sluts? Boring I say. Totally boring. PLUS, most of the women just want to feel attractive. Nothing wrong with that. Having one day a year where you can frolic around looking like a total badass, showing off all those bajillion crunches you did all year. I doubt that girl is a total slut in real life, it’s just a day. That girl probably hasn’t eaten chocolate or carbs in MONTHS. She likely went on a helluva diet just to be the sexy skunk. I think the skanks desirve props. I mean really…

  5. I was all set to buy this costume so I could be a Honey Badger … watch the video if you’re not familiar (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg).

    But, after seeing the ridiculous price tag, I decided to go with Flo from Progressive, instead. It cost way less money, and I didn’t have to worry about spraying people all night with my stench.

    The “sexy” animal costumes have got to go.

    1. Oh. I’m familiar with the honey badger. In fact, when I need a code name (which is a lot more often that you would think) I choose “honey badger”. Why? Because honey badger don’t give a shit!

      Had I seen someone dressed as honey badger, I would have to concede their greatness, no matter how slutty.

      Also, Flo from Progressive is a great costume! I maybe need your help coming up with good ideas for next year……

  6. Oh boy! Halloween keeps getting groser and groser over the years. There is nothing wrong with a sexy but elegant costume but come one this one just stinks 😀
    I get the scary part tho. She might of scared everyone away hahaha.

  7. Hmmm… lots going on here. Random observations, from an average guy perspective:

    1. That girl is haawwt….. although, to be honest she’d probably be attractive in a burkha.

    2. A girl in an animal costume can be appealing, but it depends upon the choice of costume. Ex: Sexy Kitten Costume = Good. Chupacabra = Bad.

    3. Skunkism is a pernicious evil that must be stamped out. I have a dream…. that one day trick-or-treaters will be judged, not by their smell and the width of their stripes, but by the content of their hearts. Also, whether or not they share their candy with me.

    4. I think self made costumes are WAY more interesting than anything people can buy in a store. If someone has a creative and unique costume I pay lots more attention to that than something bought off the rack.

    5. I agree COMPLETELY about seperating “adult” type themes and costumes from contact around kids during Halloween. I had to physically remove a guy from my neighborhood a couple of years ago because he was dressed as hooker and being profane while kids were going house to house. Tried to reason with him, but he just didn’t get it. I didn’t hurt him… but he didn’t enjoy the process either.

    6. I’ll see your Pepe Le Pew and raise you a Flower from Bambi. Not sexy, of course, but pretty damn cute.

    1. 1. Of course she is.
      2. Ok. Bunnies, kittens, and tigers. But nothing else!
      3. Guilty as charged.
      4. Agreed.
      5. You’s a badass!
      6. Touche. Flower is precious but would make a great kids costume, not so much for an adult.

  8. I think sexy animals costumes work but definitely not for skunks. I mean, how about a sexy tiger? Rawwwr! :p And bunnies, eh? And and…err…okay, I seem to have already exhausted my “list”! ‘Cause I don’t think elephants or zebras or giraffes or sloths or bears could be sexy.

    So, no, you’re not taking crazy pills. How do they think of such things?!

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