I had a little lookey-loo at my site stats yesterday and was shocked, nay, flabbergasted, nay, baffled, nay, really I was just a little surprised, to find that over the last 30 days, I’ve had 52 visits that resulted from the search term “things I would do if I were a boy”. Having never covered this topic, it seems odd so many people would find me that way but, who am I to question the great and powerful Google? So, I thought, ok yeah, you want to go there? You really want to go there? Well buckle up cabbage patch dolls, we’re going there.
Things I Would Do If I Were A Boy
Pee standing up. Obviously.
Grow a beard down to my waist. Oh, how pretty I’ll look!!!
Get drunk and yell at pretty girls from my friend’s car. Those ladies won’t be able to resist.
No matter what, I would stand by my love for The Dixie Chicks and Pat Benatar. Love really is a battlefield and I really do crave wide open spaces, I don’t care if my bros don’t get it.
Chest bump. It just seems to really amp people up.
Take a girl on a really nice date and be completely awesome to her so she knows that good guys still exist. Then, obviously, never call her again. I can’t be tied down right now.
Eat lots of nachos and pizza, only work out 30 minutes a week and still have a smokin bod. My milkshake would bring all the girls to the yard.
Go streaking. It’s always funnier when guys do it- reference Will Ferrell in Old School.
Start a bro-mmunity full of awesome bros. On my dream team? Ryan Gosling, Alexander Skarsgard, Alan Alda, Djimon Hounsou, Gael Garcia Bernal, Gaspard Ulliel, Jason Segel, Ed Helms, and Aziz Ansari. Huh. I guess the list is the same whether I’m a boy or girl.
Shave my head. Aww, sweet comfort and effortlessness.
Write a blog about how girls are so crazy. It would be hilarious.
And….I’m out. Really, the first one would be the most exciting, everything after that would just be downhill. What would you do if you were a boy/girl??