You Want To Go There? Oh. We’ll Go There.

I had a little lookey-loo at my site stats yesterday and was shocked, nay, flabbergasted, nay, baffled, nay, really I was just a little surprised, to find that over the last 30 days, I’ve had 52 visits that resulted from the search term “things I would do if I were a boy”. ย Having never covered this topic, it seems odd so many people would find me that way but, who am I to question the great and powerful Google? So, I thought, ok yeah, you want to go there? You really want to go there? Well buckle up cabbage patch dolls, we’re going there.

Things I Would Do If I Were A Boy

Pee standing up. Obviously.

Grow a beard down to my waist. Oh, how pretty I’ll look!!!

Get drunk and yell at pretty girls from my friend’s car. Those ladies won’t be able to resist.

No matter what, I would stand by my love for The Dixie Chicks and Pat Benatar. Love really is a battlefield and I really do crave wide open spaces, I don’t care if my bros don’t get it.

Chest bump. It just seems to really amp people up.

Take a girl on a really nice date and be completely awesome to her so she knows that good guys still exist. Then, obviously, never call her again. I can’t be tied down right now.

Eat lots of nachos and pizza, only work out 30 minutes a week and still have a smokin bod. My milkshake would bring all the girls to the yard.

Go streaking. It’s always funnier when guys do it- reference Will Ferrell in Old School.

Start a bro-mmunity full of awesome bros. On my dream team? Ryan Gosling, Alexander Skarsgard, Alan Alda, Djimon Hounsou, Gael Garcia Bernal, Gaspard Ulliel, Jason Segel, Ed Helms, and Aziz Ansari. Huh. I guess the list is the same whether I’m a boy or girl.

Shave my head. Aww, sweet comfort and effortlessness.

Write a blog about how girls are so crazy. It would be hilarious.

And….I’m out. Really, the first one would be the most exciting, everything after that would just be downhill. What would you do if you were a boy/girl??

38 thoughts on “You Want To Go There? Oh. We’ll Go There.

  1. If a were a man i would definnitely do all the pointless things some man do sometimes like stare at the engine of my car pretending that i know what to do but don’t have a clue, watch wrestling on tv, ride around the neighborhood in my car with my homies listening to loud music,play farmville on facebook,wait…i already do that,s**t!

  2. What are you thoughts on the song (Beyonce) for realsies? I kind of love it. And I love your brommunity.

    If I were a boy, I would do the eating/not working out thing, for sure, and also monopolize conversations.

  3. I now have something new to think about. What would I do if I were a male? Hmmmm…I’d probably make more money. Then I could afford to just have fun sometimes! Chest bumping? Dunno. I know that I wouldn’t consider it as a girl. PAIN! I am doing well, though, just to survive as a woman. I nearly killed myself the other day with a neti-pot. (Yes, there is a blog about that…)

  4. cooper says:

    1. Have my ovaries removed (who needs that headache???)
    2. Have many intimate (non-sexual) relationships
    3. Plan a girls night out every weekend with my circle of sistahs
    4. Go shopping
    5. Dance better than most strippers (sans pole)
    6. Throw mud in Kim Kardashian’s face.

  5. OM goodness I would do all this and more.
    I would give guys the ole butt smack… I would totally be a gay dude. Ha ha just kidding.
    I would like get in a bar fight.
    I would hit on girls… all the time. I would be come a professional football player.
    I would try to whittle some wood.
    Lol… seriously. Maybe make a pony or something. And do it all while smoking a pipe!

  6. Justin says:

    If I were a girl, I’d totally lez out. After doing that for a few months I’d probably just go around conning dudes into buying me stuff.

  7. I would suit up and scotch in hand would aproach a nice lady in a fancy bar with my scottish/irish accent. I would probably get her to do anything hahaha if I was hot and smart enough that is ๐Ÿ˜‰

    That or joing a rock band as a hot sexy drummer and drive them all crazy with my charms.

  8. Sign up on an online dating site. Bang on in my profile about how I’ve ridden camels in the Sahara, skied in the Alps, backpacked across the Brazilian rain forest. Then – – – when invited to meet a guy for coffee 20 minutes away from town – – – DECLINE. For you see, that would involve TRAVEL.

  9. #1 *is* absolutely the best.

    I’m curious about #3. Is there any part of you, at any level, that is flattered by that sort of thing when it happens? I’ve never done the drive by hoot myself. I don’t get drunk and it doesn’t fit my personality to do it sober. From the outside looking in it seems like on some level it would be flattering in a way – but its hard for me to imagine it being effect at all in making a connection with someone.

    As far as what I would do if I were a woman…. the only thing I can think of is experience the bond between a mother and a baby that you’ve carried around inside you for 9 months. That seems amazing to me. Being a father is so intense for me emotionally some times it hard to imagine what it would be like for that to be ramped up even more.

    Only if I could skip the whole actual birth process though. I had enough trouble with a kidney stone last year that proved I wouldn’t be up for that. Mankind would become extinct if I were responsible for propagating the species.

  10. “Take a girl on a really nice date and be completely awesome to her so she knows that good guys still exist. Then, obviously, never call her again. I canโ€™t be tied down right now.”

    I now have coffee up my nose. Totally worth it though.

  11. I definitely think this will be something for me to do tomorrow, despite it probably being an easier life as a chap, both genders have thought their whole lives about a day in alternative chromosomes!

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