A Year In Books- Kind Of.

I love, love, love what I’m reading right now, it’s called Paris Without End and it’s about Ernest Hemingway’s first wife Hadley Richardson. Seriously, it’s one of the best books I’ve read all year. BUT- I haven’t finished it yet. There are several reasons for this. Guess which reasons out of the following 15 are the reasons I haven’t finished the book yet.

1. Alien abduction.

2. Broken glasses.

3. Dropped the book in the bathtub.

4. I was kidnapped by people who hate laughter.

5. A squirrel attacked me and I was too traumatized to read.

6. I was really, really tired.

7. I was too busy making a scrapbook for my Grammy’s 75th birthday.

8. I got punched in both my eyes by a rogue pugilist.

9. I was busy fighting crime.

10. I was picked up off the street by a  guy in a really nice car, who then gave me lots of money to go buy nice clothes but the ladies in the shop wouldn’t wait on me and that was a BIG mistake, HUGE, but then I still got nice clothes, and then sometimes me and my guy got into fights, but it’s ok because we end up together in the end.

11. I was saving puppies from extinction.

12. I was saving puppies from dinosaurs.

13. I was training for a spelling bee.

14. I was too busy thinking of ways to be more awkward.

15. It was just a weird week.

Alright, have at it kids. Remember it can be more than one answer. Oh yeah, and this totally qualifies as this weeks “Guess what?” post so the winner or whoever makes me laugh the hardest by coming up with another reason wins a feature in my interview with celebrities post next week. And remember to keep an eye out this week for Jules interview.

29 thoughts on “A Year In Books- Kind Of.

  1. While Julia Roberts and Richard Gere did manage to make life as a hooker look glamorous, I don’t think you’d want to admit to the life outlined in number 10. Although, with all the suitors you are reportedly constantly fighting off, we may be on to something here….

    No. Small boys in grocery stores have declared you pretty as a princess and princesses don’t need to be hookers. Real princesses are selfless and tireless in devoting their lives to philanthropic causes so therefore you must have been fighting crime, saving puppies and in your spare time making a scrapbook for Grammy.

  2. The House Elf of Harry Potter landed in your home to save you from a bad ending (the book…). So he hid it some place never to be found unless you give him a piece of your clothing but theres the ploblem: only an undies will do but theres no chance in hell you’re giving him your undie. That cheeky little elf, i knew from the beggining there were somthing wrong with them…

    btw: i apologize for my mis-spelling, i’m french…

  3. Well I SHOULD say I’m not competing this go around, but let’s not be ridiculous. Clearly the reason is a combination of #10 and something you don’t want to tell us. But listen, it’s OKAY to devote a week to lying on top of pianos in hotel banquet halls to achieve just the right amount of feigned spontaneity. We all do it.

    Um, also, you’d look really good in a pink faux-hawk. Have I ever told you that?

  4. I am getting into this Terra Nova show so I am hoping your were saving something from dinosaurs!!! Lets say Grammy from the dinosaurs!
    She is not as fast as she used to be!

  5. Starting your new gig as an instructor at the Attack Kitten Training Center. Courses include:

    “Warm & Fuzzy: The Best Disguise”
    “Catnip Resistance Training”
    “101 Ways to Knead to Disable”
    “Purring: The Hypnotic Art of Persuasion”

    1. I LOVE where you were going with this- unfortunately, I am very allergic to cats. On the other hand, I would love to take “Purring: The Hypnotic Art of Persuasion” so you get 40 points.

  6. 16. The Rapture came early to your house.
    17. The ghost of Ernest Hemingway stole the book from your nightstand.

    But you seriously dropped it in the bathtub and you were too busy making a scrapbook for Grammy.

  7. I’m thinking that when the aliens landed in your bathroom, you broke your glasses while reaching into the bathtub to retrieve the fallen book. The aliens, seeing the sight of this, and hating laughter, threw a squirrel on you to divert your attention away from Grammy’s scrapbook which wore you out completely. On your way to the bedroom to rest, you encountered a boxer, fought him, won the battle, and enlisted him as your crime fighting partner to rescue puppies from the roving velociraptors, thereby saving them extinction. Next, while learning to spell pugilist for the upcoming spelling bee your mind wandered to awkward things like how a nice girl is so easily picked up by a stranger and plied with money, clothes and cars, all for a roll in the hay, which in retrospect makes for a pretty weird week. Just a wild guess

  8. Clearly #10. Singing along to Prince songs in the huge bubble bath can be very time consuming. Also, very visually appealing in my imagination 🙂

    Also, also – pruney fingers made it hard to turn the pages in the book you’re reading.

    1. Pruney fingers do make it hard to turn pages but I’m afraid I will have to disqualify you because my Mom reads my blog and all the comments and I don’t think she would appreciate your cheekiness. 😉

      1. Whoops… apologies to Mother Contrary. Please assure her that the bath comment was intended in the most fatherly and benign manner possible.

        Ok, Uhhh…. strike that. It was even more creepy.

  9. 16. Due to a printing error the second half of your copy of the book is completely blank and you haven’t had a chance to take it back to the bookshop to get a replacement copy with words all the way through. Although you have tried making up the rest of the book you are finding this unsatisfying because you have to write in someone else’s style to do so.

    17. You visited a hypnotist, who, after an unfortunate misunderstanding, left you convinced that you can only read Sanskrit, Mandarin and Anglo-saxon runes. (I hope you can find someone to read this comment out to you.)

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