Guess What?

Listen, I’m going to tell you some things people said to me this week but I’m not going to tell you who said it, why, or to what it was referring and you get to guess what we were talking about. Sounds like a fun game right? Sounds just like what your Friday needed? Yeah, I know. I’m a touch clairvoyant. You may be wondering about the prize I’m offering. How about my eternal love and devotion?! Yeah, I can’t promise that. I already promised it to whichever princely suitor could figure out why my evil stepmother keeps poisoning my apples. Just kidding. I don’t have a stepmother. I also don’t have the complexion to pull of the whole snow-white thing. Anyway,  whoever guesses what these quotes refer to wins an interview by me to be posted in my weekly Interviews with Celebrities – and if no one is correct I guess I’ll just have to keep interviewing in my imagination. Oh, and I’m going to assign random points to each answer even if it’s wrong- if they make me laugh, you’ll get more points. Maybe. I haven’t really decided yet. It’s pretty arbitrary. Best of luck!

1. “It’s like the worst kind of peekaboo.”

2. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.”

3. ” Whoever said “Third time’s a charm.” is a douche-bag.”

4. “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.”

5. “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.”

If you can actually guess all of these correctly then you are more than a touch clairvoyant and I would like for you to tell me my future, and also what to invest my money in, and also what haircut I should get.

43 thoughts on “Guess What?

  1. 1. “It’s like the worst kind of peekaboo.” When the 70 yr old plumber is working in your kitchen and you turn. You see something you NEVER wanted to see peeking at you. THAT’S the worst kind of peekaboo.

    2. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.” When you don’t use your manners, you lose your friends.

    3. ” Whoever said “Third time’s a charm.” is a douche-bag.” When you are signing your divorce papers for the third time. Ya know, third time is NOT the charm.

    4. “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.” While I love Southern-isms and such, I do know proper grammar. And yes, it is important. I know that when I hear people speaking so WRONG that I wonder if they have a brain.

    5. “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.” I didn’t realize any animal did. I will DEFINITELY have to Google this. 🙂

      1. Google search: Parakeets can NOT predict skin cancer that Google is aware of. Now, some animals can predict natural disasters and I suppose that is a good thing. It would be better if they could actually talk and tell you about them.

  2. ummm…

    1: its when you are playing peek-a-boo with a person and when you open your hands they punch you in the face

    2: of course this is to the bend and snap because at one point in your life it will look like you are in great pain(which might or might not be true)

    3:When you go back to a relationship three times, you know somethings wrong( sorry about my ununiquenessess)

    4: Yes because you never now what might offend a person… for example if you ask an english major how to spell dumb or stupid or something like that they could take it the wrong way

    5:Parakeets are very nice, and are not good at giving bad news, so don’t trust a parakeet doctor, because they will make various excuses of why your skin is so incredibly red and blotchy( Oh don’t worry it is just a sunburn…*koff koff*) The only animal doctors you can trust are humans and panda bears, because they are not afraid to give it to you straight, while also managing to look adorable.

  3. 1. Peekaboo with a baby, Peekaboo on skis, peekaboo undies, but peekaboo under the dressing room door, now that’s the worst kind of peekaboo ever, unless it’s the guy who has been peeking in women’s windows and saying he can’t control himself–see news from a week or so ago…

    2. Well, I think that you are too young to be having the conversation that I had with my gynecologist, “Yes, Ms. Petrie, I know that “things” don’t work as well since hitting menopause. However, if you don’t use it, you lose it! Now go practice those crossword puzzles…”

    3. Third times a charm–that’s what many of my friends have said about their and my marriages… No striking out here–only home runs!!!

    4. Sounds like Renee from Lessons for Teachers and Twits to me. She is the Queen of Grammar and working to spread her rule among the students in English Comp 101 at MCC.

    5. Parakeets won’t tell about skin cancer sounds like a conversation that you might have had with your mother or grandmother, “Yes, yes, I know I should go see the doctor about that spot on my ear, but Budgie’s been sick. I took him to the vet and need to keep him out of drafts. You know how changeable the weather’s been of late!! I’ll make an appointment when Budgie’s able to be left alone…” But, Mom/Grandma–You need your dermatologist to look at that growth. Budgie may love the care you’re giving him, but parakeets can’t tell the difference between a mole and a bran flake! Budgie won’t tell you if you have skin cancer!!!

    I know that I’m a few days late in trying to be your clairvoyant–whatever you do with your hair, make it easy care–and I did come up with all my answers without looking at any of your other fans’ answers. However, I did have fun, so that should count for something.

  4. 1. “It’s like the worse kind of peekaboo.”

    I’m not sure which one of you said it last, but this refers to a certain kind of activity that is the result of really, really needing a bathroom (you know for which) and being met at every turn by signs that read, ‘Restrooms Are For Customers Only.’ Sometimes called “Prairie-dogging it”, or in the case of interminable family road trips, “Seriously Dad, I’ve got to go.”

    2. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.”

    Grammy, explaining why she’s gumming her steak. Actually, the entire quote is, “I’ve finally finished Kim Kardashian’s 14-day liquid cleans, and I can’t wait to get my mouth on some meat. Well, damned if I can remember where I left my teeth. Let this be a lesson to you Girl, if you don’t use it, you lose it.”

    3. “Whoever said, ‘Third time’s a charm.’ is a douche-bag.”

    Roseanne Barr, when she divorced her third husband, security guard Ben Thomas. When reached at her nut farm in Hawaii, Barr recently professed, “Fourth time’s for sure the frizzschizzle!” After being asked if she made that up, Barr shouted, “I did not, you moth*)&^&cock#$(^bast%*^! His name is Johnny and I met him online!”

    4. “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.”

    Gertrude Sidebottom. Although disappointed, Professor Sidebottom was not entirely surprised to find that her classes were never mentioned in the seven-part biography of the famous young wizard, Harry Potter. “I understand that it’s hard to find the ‘magic’, if you will, in the practice of good grammar and elocution. Do not mistake me, my dear, they are vitally important to proper spell-casting; Mr. Finnigan is proof enough of that. However…when each class begins with the words, ‘Wands away’…well…” Here she trailed off into silence, and this writer was witness to the irony of a grammar teacher who cannot find the right words. Her sadness was palpable.

    But Sidebottom is a plucky old duck, and she soon recovers her spirits with talk of the new Pottermore site. “Oh, yes! J. K. has outdone herself there. We are all terribly excited! Quite a few Hogwart’s Professors were rather put out, you know, when the books were finally published. You can imagine how it must have been for some of us, waiting for the next book, and then the next, hoping to see… We teachers work so hard…well…it would have been such a thrill. Of course, now she’s promised to include ALL of Harry’s classroom experiences, and we’re all of us over the moon. I tell you, Professor Tiltwater is positively on pins and needles, just jumpy with excitement. She was so devastated when her lessons didn’t make the books.” And here a giggle escapes the lined lips of a seasoned Professor, and I get a glimpse of the sprite she must have been in her own days as a Hogwart’s student. “Bless her heart. I mean, nobody likes math.”

    5. “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.”

    Jimmy Buffet, given in an interview in 1986, in which he explains why his fans are not called Parakeetheads. He goes on to say that, while “watchin’ the sun bake all of those tourists covered with oil” are really good lyrics, he definitely recommends SPF 30 or higher. When asked to clarify what the hell he is talking about, Buffet said simply, “Hand me that margarita mix, will ya?'”

    1. This may be the longest comment I have ever received. It made me laugh, Grammy really did say the second quote, and you totally won me over with the Harry Potter references. I award 20 points to your house.

  5. JT says:

    1. “It’s like the worst kind of peekaboo.”

    2. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.”

    3. ” Whoever said “Third time’s a charm.” is a douche-bag.”

    4. “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.”

    5. “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.”

    1) Changing Mr Diaper after 20 ounces of juice.
    2) Gramma while putting on Denture Cream.
    3) The fertility clinic.
    4) Grampa
    5) The cockatoo that lives next door.
    BTW I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award of which you have probably already received , but hey I think your great.

    1. 1. Ick. 1 point.
      2. You get 2 points because my Grammy did actually say that one. I would have given you 3 but she doesn’t wear dentures.
      3. Awww. 1 point.
      4. Nah, my Popsie loves me no matter how poor my grammar is.
      5. Hahahaha! 7 points.
      Total points: 11 points.
      Thanks for the award!!!! It is much appreciated!

  6. 1. “It’s like the worst kind of peekaboo.”
    When your friend in the backseat puts her hands over your eyes while you’re driving, then pulls them away for a second to let you get a read on traffic before clamping her hands back over your eyes.

    2. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.”
    Refers to the letter ‘z’ said in response to accusations that GoTC uses ‘z’ an unusual number of times.

    3. ” Whoever said “Third time’s a charm.” is a douche-bag.”
    Said after the third attempt by an inexperienced technician at the blood bank to get the needle in a vein.

    4. “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.”
    Justification for editing the heartfelt letter written by your old friend in which he confesses he has been in love with you for years.

    5. “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.”
    After a lengthy conversation with a parakeet you met in a pet store, you told your co-worker that you think the parakeet might just be your best friend, and this statement was his reply.

    1. 1. Haha! Yikes! 2 points.
      2. You get extra points for working GotC into the answer. 5 points.
      3. Ouch. 1 point.
      4. Extra points for how awkward that would be. 6 points.
      5. Something that hasn’t yet happened but very well might. 3 points.
      Total Points: 17

  7. OK. Let’s give this a try:

    1. “It’s like the worst kind of peekaboo.” – Ahston Kutcher getting caught by Demi with another woman inside his PlaySkool Playhouse.

    2. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.” – Congress on its justification for spending away Social Security reserve.

    3. ” Whoever said “Third time’s a charm.” is a douche-bag.” – Kyrstie Ally on yet another try at Weight Watchers.

    4. “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.” – my latest Indonesian Spammer, inapropriately commenting on my post about Popsicle Mating Skills.

    5. “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.” – Quote from Sandy Chrystal Temple-Waters, star of NBC’s newest reality show, “The Parakeet Whisperer”

    1. 1. Yay for topical humor! 3 points.
      2. Wowza- you’re on fire! 4 points.
      3. Oh snap! 3 points.
      4. Hahahahahaha! Been there. 4 points.
      5. Cracked me up. I would watch that show! 3 points.
      Total Points: 17 points.

  8. harperfaulkner says:

    “It’s like the worst kind of peekaboo.”
    This has to do with your husband. Either he has put your panties over his head or he has failed to secure his towel properly as he leaves the shower.

    “If you don’t use it, you lose it.”
    I’m betting this was said by your aerobics instructor during a session.

    “Whoever said ‘Third time’s a charm.’ is a douche-bag.”
    Has to be one of your children that you have made do something over for the third time. You then told her or him, just do it and don’t say douche-bag!

    “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.”
    Has to be you speaking to one of your children after they have asked why they have to diagram a sentence.

    “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.”
    A discussion about whether to get a parakeet or a dog or arguing over which is the best pet. Referring to an article that ran yesterday about dogs smelling cancer.

  9. I’m going to guess that they’re all quotes from your ever-lovable Grammy, referring to the following:

    1. Being tumbled by the surf, standing up and realizing that your swimmers are no longer covering things the same way they were when you went in;

    2. Parking spaces;

    3. Giving birth to triplets;

    4. Herself. Grandma IS one of the most important parts of life.

    5. The fact that while parakeets may know a LOT about history and literature, they know nothing about modern medicine. It’s a well-known fact that parakeets are compelled to grab a marker and “join the dots” when it comes to moles and freckles on humans.

  10. Craig says:

    1. A friend commenting on a visit to the gynecologist.
    2. A guy at the bar talking about his elbow.
    3. Your Grammy, of course, about stubbing her toe.
    4. & 5. Are both your doctor; the first is advice for better living, and the second is your doctor being a little defensive.

    1. 1. No, but that set me to giggling- 5 points
      2. No, but I like your thinking- 2 points
      3. Nope, but I love the Grammy reference- 2 points
      4 & 5, Not true, but it was a med student who said number 5 so I’ll give you 10 points.
      Total Points: 19

  11. 1. “It’s like the worst kind of peekaboo.” – whispered upon seeing a bra-less woman in a tank top in the walmart

    2. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.” Tsk’ed by my sister- the mother of 13 to my Mother about my childless self at Easter…

    3. ” Whoever said “Third time’s a charm.” is a douche-bag.” whispered by my last divorce lwayer

    4. “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.” Not whispered by my homeschooled nephew

    5. “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.” Yelled by My mother banging on my hermit brothers apartment door last sunday morning

    1. 1. Not so much.
      2. No, but you get 10 points for having to deal with that.
      3. No, but good one- 2 points
      4. No but hahahahahahahahaha- 5 points
      5. No, but your family sounds awesome- 3 points
      Total points: 20

  12. C.S. Lewis says:

    1. Nancy Grace
    2. Virginity
    3. Car wrecks
    4. Insane Frazier Crane fanaticism
    5. I’ll take “Terrible Fortune Cookie Fortunes for 1000, Alex”

    I love your blog. I hope that doesn’t make me a creeper because I’m probably old enough to be your mom. I’m really immature though, so it’s all good.

    C. S. Lewis

    1. 1. No, but points for relevance – 5 points
      2. No.
      3. No.
      4. No, but I thought Fraiser was funny- 2 points
      5. No, but you get 7 points because I love Jeopardy.
      Also, 5 extra points for loving this blog.
      Total points: 19

  13. Can I suggest a pink faux-hawk regardless?

    #1 reminds me of this nature center I used to go to as a kid, where you’d have to stick your hand in a wooden box and feel around and guess what was in there. Only THEN could you lift the flap to see a picture of what was inside. Do you know what that does to a kid?

    1. You get 11 points because I would wear the hell out of a pink faux-hawk. Also, yes, I do know what that does to a kid (shudders) you get 10 points just for living through it.

      Total points: 21 (the legal drinking age)

    1. 1. No, but hahahahaha- 3 points
      2. Not really but I’m glad you used the word vagina- 3 points
      3. No, but that made me laugh- 2 points
      4. No, but again, hahahahahaha- 3 points
      5. Nope but they just might be the best pets to have in lieu of doctors- 2 points
      Total points: 13

  14. Well perhaps I’m overthinking here, but maybe you said all these things to yourself. Possibly while giving yourself an imaginary interview. How cunning would that be? No one would guess that … or would they?

    By the way, I wonder if you’ve misquoted no. 4 – isn’t it meant to read “Grammy-posts are one of the most important parts of life”?

  15. 1. “It’s like the worst kind of peekaboo.” – sb trying to avoid ex boy/girl friend. always expect the worst, most unwanted outcome (of the peekaboo)

    2. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.” – your tongue (or your pen – presumably your brains). in your case, “keep blogging”

    3. ” Whoever said “Third time’s a charm.” is a douche-bag.” – ah, the young and inexperienced

    4. “Grammar is one of the most important parts of life.” – neuroscientists. true story

    5. “Parakeets won’t tell you when you have skin cancer.” – your mother together with your vet, in choir.

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