Can I Get A What What??!

I did my first ever guest post and it’s up on laughteriscatching. I really can’t believe someone wanted to metaphorically invite my crazy over for dinner. Much like a gruesome car accident, I always assumed my blog was something people had to look at despite their better judgement. Click on the link and have a looksee.

Meanwhile, I wanted to share a short story with you. A short story that may or may not end up with me verbally attacking a cashier at a corner store.


Picture it: A lovely Sunday pre-lunch but post-breakfast time. I’m on my way to see a movie (I saw Drive starring my boo Ryan Gosling and it was super gory and Albert Brooks stabs someone in the eye with a fork and I’m sorry but I just can’t buy him as a villain) and I need to stop by the corner store for some Midol because my uterus declared war on my body (probably because it was feeling useless and lonely and scared because I heard there is some type of biological countdown clock and when it reaches hour 0 my uterus explodes or something) and I was in desperate need of relief. I grabbed the Midol and went to the checkout. There was a guy at the checkout, which I always hate when I’m buying lady products, but what can you do? Then this happened.

Guy: Just the Midol? 

Me: Yep.

Guy: That must be awful. 

Me: Excuse me? 

Guy: You know. (He glances at the Midol) I mean, it just seems really awful for you girls. 

Me: Are you kidding? 

Guy: Well erm….

Me: You don’t get to say shiz like that to me. 

Guy: I was just…

Me: Don’t push me bro. Do NOT push me. 

Later on, after the drugs has mellowed me out, I started to feel bad about how I treated that guy but that only lasted like 2 seconds and then I started to feel like he should have just kept his stupid guy mouth shut. I mean, when I see a guy get kicked in the nuts, I don’t walk over to him and say “Oh man. That must really suck for you. I bet that hurts.” You know why I don’t do that?? Because I have no idea. I’m sure it does hurt but I don’t have testes and therefore have no right to remark on how awful it must be to have them crushed by someone’s foot. You see where I’m going with this?

43 thoughts on “Can I Get A What What??!

  1. D'Alta says:

    Being way, way, way past menopause, I’m a little more concerned about what I call “pee pads”–you know, well you probably don’t–those products called Poise, which my husband calls Posies… Those are the products that we older women use, just prior to moving on to Depends. Now those are something to embarrass a purchaser–not only liquid waste products, solids, too!!!

  2. When I was 17 I was a bag girl and my boyfriend was the checker. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to not make eye contact when a strawberry-scented douche comes through the line. O. M. G.

  3. You know what’s funny about this (to me of course)? I bet this was his lame attempt to spark a conversation because he thought you were cute.

    i almost feel sorry for him now – being raged on by a hormonal woman. *almost*.

  4. Totally hilarious. After reading the conversation a couple of times, my take on it is that he was trying to be sensitive in order to hit on you. Wow, does HE have a lot to learn.

    As for the most totally insensitive (in an attempt to appear sensitive), the award goes to the sanitary products company who advertise that their products give a woman a happy period (or some such nonsense – I get so incensed, I don’t even catch all the words!).

  5. Ok, heres my strategy- embarrass the cashier into total silence.
    Midol, duct tape, hamster bedding, a case of pixy sticks. If they are too freaked out to comment- you win.

      1. Sometimes not so funny. I had to have both my testicles removed after an accident. I can’t really understand why people think hurting someone’s testicles is so funny. Not to be preachy or anything. I can see the humor in your post — I’m ball-less not humorless.

  6. lol! I’ve never met a guy awkward/brave enough to make any kind of ‘lady business’ comments to me, even the ‘gee golly, I sure am sorry you have to go through that’ variety! and from a stranger, no less! He’s probably lucky that you didn’t give him an example of how unreasonable it would be for you to comment on how much having his ballsack crushed (possibly by you…) must hurt 😛

  7. I can’t believe he actually said something. Dude taking his life in his hands. Seriously, when I’m there buying feminine hygiene products, midol, and chocolate in ungodly quantities, I get annoyed just by the knowing look.

    Your guest post was hilarious, by the way. I KNEW there was a reason I don’t do massages!

  8. First of all, he should know by your purchase of midol that you were edgy, being that most of us girls get that way around that time of the month. This should have been his first clue as to what NOT to do. I’m guessing he was being a glutton for punishment, although in reality he was probably trying to be sensitive. All the same, let that be a lesson to him never to open his mouth in the presence of a hormonal lady. We tend to get very dangerous at those times, after all.
    Myself, I try to warn the other gender when I’m hormonal, since they usually don’t have a clue, and tell them not to take my rage (read hysterics and insanity) too personally. This usually averts any lethal situations. I would hate to read in the newspaper that I killed some hapless guy trying to be nice to me, later, when I come out of it. 😉

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